tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2864708808295376991.post5288089720407173120..comments2023-09-19T08:14:41.357-07:00Comments on iGoddess: oh father, where art thou?Soul Funk Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04850702763469159461noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2864708808295376991.post-84554127664415168742007-07-08T21:36:00.000-07:002007-07-08T21:36:00.000-07:00Suzi will be able to reconcile those things with h...Suzi will be able to reconcile those things with her father. I did with my mother, and I certain I'll have to with my father, since our relationship in life isn't at all Leave it to Beaver or somesuch. It's just a matter of time, and it's not a loud explosive revelation, but rather a quiet "oh look what happened 20 minutes ago while I wasn't looking" type of thing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2864708808295376991.post-71611925245976318712007-07-08T06:34:00.000-07:002007-07-08T06:34:00.000-07:00the beauty of you, dee, is that regardless of whet...the beauty of you, dee, is that regardless of whether you completely patch things up with bio-dad, you have so much love and compassion that you're able to WANT to patch things up, even after all he's done. that says more about the woman you are than just about anything. your ability to forgive - if not forget - is a powerful quality (and god knows you've had to use it on me on occasion!).<BR/><BR/>i never thought i'd say this, but i hope you do make your peace with him, for your own sake. i don't know if you remember the post i wrote about visiting my grandmother's grave. the only thing that made me feel, was the realization that i didn't feel anything. and i fear it's going to be the same with my parents...Greggohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14513431229566322384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2864708808295376991.post-52725551286605002922007-07-07T09:38:00.000-07:002007-07-07T09:38:00.000-07:00I'm not sure if this is helpful to you in anyway, ...I'm not sure if this is helpful to you in anyway, but I'm going to relate my own experience and you can do with it what you like. <BR/><BR/>I don't know how many times I find myself wishing I could go back and have a "do-over" with my mother. She always found fault with everything I did, constantly criticizing and belittling me while praising my older brother. Things really got bad when I let her move into our house. She lived with us for 10 years, and for all those years my husband and I felt like we were guests in HER home. I let her do the cooking and cleaning because whenever I did something it was never correct in her eyes. Eventually, I gave up trying to please her. Only after she got the colon cancer did she let me in, allowing me to take care of her and thanking me every night for being such a wonderful daughter. And every night I would cry, wishing those words would've come a lot sooner. If I knew then what I know now, I would've tried to get closer to mom while she was alive instead of rolling my eyes all the time, closing myself off to her, and letting resentment build for so many years. It might not have worked but I think I would feel better knowing I gave it my best shot.Azhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00603575238249739866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2864708808295376991.post-22685031157096566312007-07-06T23:26:00.000-07:002007-07-06T23:26:00.000-07:00dear D....sending you vibes of peace, love and cla...dear D....sending you vibes of peace, love and clarity~~~~~~~<BR/>There is so much truth and raw courage in this post.<BR/>They say childhood is the "best time of your life" and yet we spend the REST OF OUR LIVES trying to recover from it!<BR/>I think it's important to see bio-dad as a separate entity, without comparing him to the wonderful man who was "the DAD he didn't have to be". (Kudos to this precious man another time.)<BR/>One of the most difficult lessons we are told to learn is that "our parents did the best they could" with what resources, knowledge, and baggage they carried with them into OUR births and upbringings.<BR/>I think it's wonderfully healthy that you have fond memories of bio-dad. (to balance out your "dead zone"...aka...blocking out the bad shit). Our minds must have fabulous defense mechanisms that allow traumatic incidents to be suppressed until we can process them.<BR/>My own dad died when I was 29 and I am so blessed to have had a healthy and nurturing relationship with him.<BR/>That said, no matter what, NOBODY ever says everything they wanted to say to someone who has died. <BR/>I had tons of hospital time alone with my dad and a long forewarning of his imminent(sp?) passing, and I STILL think of things that I wish I had talked with him about.<BR/>Even if you have unresolved issues and bio-dad dies, I don't believe it's final. Healing begins within. You can forgive him, make your peace, etc. and he doesn't even have to be there.<BR/>That said, I also understand your need for "connectedness" before he leaves this world. <BR/>But know that you will be just fine if you end up with only the memories you've posted here. They were a beautiful read.<BR/>I love you.<BR/>And I WILL walk you down the aisle!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com