chewing cud d'frog

so i'm taking this statistics class, right?

yeah, it's kicking my ass with boots the size of the moon.

i feel like the hugest failure. i can't keep up in class. it eats up so much of my time that Little Owl is being deprived of attention. i'm short-tempered from being sleep-deprived, stressed-out, and living in this constant state of panic. if i fail this class, or even get a D and need to repeat it, i'm going to be kicked out of school because i've already had to repeat 2 classes.

it's eating me up. i hate it. i don't know what to do about it. i'm staring yet more failure in the fucking eye and it's winning.

to my iVillage

Dear Sisters of Funk,

You have read my tales through many years of everything it is to be a woman. You've cooed with me through the sweet in life, rejoiced with me in victory; you've died laughing at my antics and the funny in life, and reached out to me through the painful.

I know life has me by the nape of the neck right now; I haven't yet figured out how to take control of everything on my plate, though with more free time now I'll be able to make that happen. But I haven't been there for you lately, to leave the supportive comments on your blogs, or in your email boxes, like I should and like I used to.

But...I know you're still there for me. The last couple days I have really appreciated your support. You remind me of who I am: Delena of the Funkywild. You help me see that right now I'm only trapped in my insecurity, and that my own exhaustion and overwhelm helped make me susceptible to my Inner Flaming Narcissist once again.

Because as we all know, being the Divalicious Funkmasters we are, that insecurity is nothing more than self-absorption married to fear.

Inspired by your love, my sisters, and drawing from your strength and support as my own strength has waned lately, I hereby summon my Inner Flaming Narcissist and banish that bitch to the little box in my head where she belongs. Instead of waiting for someone to come to me, to help me get out of this, I called on a friend instead. I called her.

Led by your example, my sisters, I called upon someone I knew beyond a shadow of doubt would be there for me...and she was. I'm getting ready to go meet her right now, so we can have fun together, and she will help me lift myself back up, and remind me of my beautiful soul, and show me the world keeps turning and the sun keeps rising and every breath is a precious gift.

I woke this morning feeling so lost and desperate, and just the memory of it makes tears burn behind my eyes. I don't understand why it's so damn difficult to find someone worthy of me, and what inspires someone to want to tear down a Funkmaster and treat her like shit. Works of art are we, and I never hear of anyone wanting to spray-paint obscenities upon the Mona Lisa or throw a rock through the windows of Notre Dame.

But I'm getting up. I'm making myself get up, and I'm going to banish my Narcissist and eat the damn frog of Insecurity. He's a bastard going down, that's for damn sure.

But I'm fucking eating that frog, godsdammit. My sisters, I was strongly moved to tell you how much I love you all, and how much I have to attribute today --the first day of my recovery-- to your strength. I agree with all your comments you've left the last few days. I love you all for them. Especially all of you; you all said something that hit me to my core. Thank you for keeping me on the right track.

I love you all.

as a FunkMaster thinketh..

...so are they.

the above quote is an adaptation of the quote from Proverbs 23:7 "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." now, that particular section was talking about being careful to avoid fostering envy in your heart and focusing on the false trappings of wealth and of pursuing wealth for its own sake. greed and envy have no place in true success and abundance.

in his book The 11 Forgotten Laws, bob proctor says, "2% of people think, 3% of people think they think and 95% of people would rather die than think!"

we all know people who are like that, who would rather die than think. we also know people who seem to think, but their lives reveal the fucktard within. most people are actually surprised when they meet someone who thinks, who walks their talk, and lives a life in integrity. i know i am.

well, i used to be. now that i seek people who are thinkers, believers, and honest integrity practitioners, i find them everywhere. i recently found a treasure trove of people like that, actually.

what started this whole entry was a quote by paul tournier that i just so happened to trip over. it said, "sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can."

does anyone remember the story of kara goucher, how she placed third in the NYC Marathon and in that race was the first woman in 14 years to place in the top three, and her time was a record-breaker for women in that race. this was after years of declining performance and injury after debilitating injury. but she switched coaches and kept training. during that race, the commentators kept saying things like, "oh look, and from behind, here comes kara. wouldn't it be funny if she placed?" but throughout the entire race never believed she would.

when interviewed, she said that she knew there were only two people there who believed she could place with a medal: her husband, and her coach. with kara, they were the only three people who believed in her, but they believed.

everyone can agree that actions produce consequences. nowadays, the word "consequences" has such a bad reputation and negative connotation, but all it means is something that logically or naturally follows from an action or condition. all actions have consequences, all the way down to breathing. even by standing still, just breathing, you are consuming oxygen, burning energy, consuming water (in your cells), etc. just existing has consequences.

people never think any farther than this. but thoughts give birth to actions, and actions birth consequences.

this, in a nutshell, is the logic behind the premise in The Secret, how thoughts become things.

this doesn't encompass just anything in your life, however. and herein lies the secret frog you must eat: this encompasses everything in your life. every little...tiny...thing. from the place you live to the health of your heart; from whether you like your job to how much you sleep each night; from how many friends you have, to your relationship with your parents.

you contribute to them all. how you feel about them is up to you and only you. how it has affected you is up to you, and only you.

...and it all begins with a thought. now how powerful is that?

stay tuned for Part II, Frog-Eating and You: The Frog Prince

Frog-Eating and You: Clean Your Plate

facing your shadow self.

conquering your fears.

fighting your inner demons.

learning to be a better person.

all of these are different phrases for the same thing: what we here at iGoddess call Frog-Eating. however, i find that the first three examples make this ordeal seem like some huge, abstract, frightening thing. the fourth is too vague.

with "Frog-Eating," there's no ambiguity there. it might not be delicious, but it's definitely nutritious. it's difficult (anyone who says eating a live frog is easy is lying), gross, but doable. it's just a frog. you're bigger than a frog. you can hold a frog in your hand. you have opposable thumbs, so you automatically win.

from an evolutionary standpoint, anyway.

...at least, as long as we're not talking about tasks which include jumping up to 50 times your body length, because a frog's just quite simply got you beat there.

anyway...

last week iGoddess gave you four items on the Frog-Eating menu, tools to help you Eat the Frog. now, all of those exercises were created to help you learn to eat one particular frog. and if you guessed that the frog was Unconscious Living (or however you phrase a lack of conscious awareness of your thoughts and actions), then you were correct.

all of those exercises had one intention: to help you focus on what you were doing In The Now. to help you step back from yourself --like an objective observer, or an audience to your own life-- and see what the character of You was doing, thinking, saying, and feeling.

the Seek and You Shall Find exercise was designed to bump you off autopilot and put the controls back into your hands so you can pilot your own life. our thoughts are kind of like a radio, and can only be tuned to one frequency at a time. if your frequency is some variation of "life sucks today," then all you will pick up are examples of how life sucks today. that's why the exercise was to tune yourself to see one particular car on the road for a day, a week, whatever. it was to teach you that you can choose what to focus on, at what frequency you truly want to tune into. you can choose, and you can change it at will. so if there's something in your life you don't like, why are you focusing on it??? seek, and you shall find.

the Magical Mind-Reading Mystic Trick exercise was twofold: designed to show you how your thoughts govern your behavior, and that the world judges us on our behavior far more than our words. actions really do speak louder than words. if the universe was created with a Word, then what came first? the Word, or the Thought Behind the Word? because you can't have language without an idea, but you can't convey that thought without language. maybe they are one and the same. humankind can lie. but their actions never lie. and you cannot do something without thinking and believing in it, whether or not that thought, that belief, is conscious. mostly, it's subconscious for the majority of people. actions have consequences, and it is our actions and reactions which shape our lives. so what does the state of our lives, what happens to us, what we earn or don't earn, have or don't have, are or aren't...what does all that say about where our thoughts are?

the Anti-Funk Challenge was designed to help hold a mirror to yourself, to the thoughts and beliefs you direct at yourself. you know the ones: the ones you say to yourself unconsciously, automatically...the ones that are more like programming than real thoughts. and that's exactly what it is: programming. the exercise was to help bring the automatic responses closer to the surface so you could hear for yourself what you say to yourself on a daily basis, even minute-to-minute. did it help you? do you like your programming...or did you find you put yourself down more than anyone else ever could? did you like what you were telling yourself? or did you discover you really want to change what you keep feeding your mind and heart?

and lastly, the Positively Playful Prognostication exercise was a bit of a mutant, but it still was valid. most people, if given a choice, will avoid this exercise like the plague. i finally figured out why, too. people are comfortable in their self-created status quo. they don't like change. and they especially don't like the work involved in changing. it's like suddenly turning a small rudder on a large ship; the ship will turn, but the forces involved in turning that large ship are great indeed, and it will take a while for the ship to even know it's supposed to turn. most people are incapable of maintaining the strength and effort --and discipline-- involved in turning the ship that is their bad habits, laziness, procrastination, et al. and they don't like being shown just how unwilling they are to change, even when faced with undeniable truth of their own responsibility for the state of their lives.

these people are called fucktards.

luckily, the exercise was also designed to show you just how easy it is to build up the strength, momentum, and discipline to change your future by changing your present. and lastly, it was also designed to demonstrate how only a deeply rooted desire not to change is the only thing keeping you from taking your own future and creating it. that's right: you have to want things to stay the same in order to let all those "obstacles" conquer you. that's an ugly fact, and it's a frog most people will flat-out refuse to eat.

only the true, funkalicious FrogMasters ever manage to down that frog. only the masters.

now, i know i promised the other half of the exercises on the Appetizer Sampler Platter. well, here it is, and it's simple.

some of those exercises asked you to write things down. the only one that didn't was the Positively Playful Prognostication (and it's called "playful" because of just how freakin' fun it is once you get the hang of creatively shaping your own future). however, you can write down what you want your future to be. then write down all the obstacles that stand between you and your desired future.

take what you've written, no matter the exercise, and burn it. take a match to it, and watch it go up in flames. fire is cleansing, cauterizing, forging, healing. burn your negativity and scatter the ashes.

then, remembering nature abhors a vacuum, sit down and write something new. if you did the Seek exercise, write down what you want to see in your life, and use all positive language. write it in the present tense, as if you had it right now, at this moment. because when you visualize, you do have it at that moment, so it's accurate and truthful.

if you did the Mystic Trick exercise, describe aspects or characteristics that you'd like to have yourself. for instance, if you want to be punctual, or always honest, or dignified...whatever. just write it down. write, "i am _____!" and then list ways that you think that type of person would behave. write "i do these things," or some version thereof. if you want to be punctual, you'd write, "I am punctual! I leave my house in plenty of time to arrive at work/school/etc. I always have enough time to do the things I need to do. I set my alarm clock when necessary," et cetera.

if you did the Challenge, write new affirmations. if you have a miserable memory and are always losing track of things, write the opposite. "I have a fantastic memory! I remember things quickly and easily." or if you have a case of artists' block, you can write, "my creative thoughts empower me to act and follow through." if you're known for starting projects but not finishing them, you could write something like, "I am focused and motivated. When I dedicate myself to a project, I see it to its completion and am proud of the end result." and so forth.

and if you were brave enough to tackle the Prognostication exercise, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write down the future you see for yourself. get really descriptive. write your "exit strategy," your end result. then right down the action you took immediately prior to achieving your end result. take as much time as you need to write down a backward list of how you achieved that end result, back through time until it leads you to where you are right now, sitting in your chair writing out your future and backwards timeline. then sit back and admire it, because voila! you have just written out your plan to achieve your desired future.

now...i dare you to make it real.

i dare you to make it all real.

show them frogs who's boss!



EAT THE FROG!!!

Frog-Eating and You: The Savory Appetizer Sampler Platter

one thing I think is kind of funny is that, to help further my Eat the Frog! campaign, I decided to start researching frogs, where they come from, how they live, and what they do.

frogs are really quite fascinating little creatures. and their songs are beautiful.

i've even gotten a few emails about the deliciousness of frog legs. i hear they taste like chicken. kinda...

and people have asked me where that phrase even came from: Eat the Frog! so i did a little digging and found that once upon a time, mark twain once said "if the first thing you do every morning is eat a live frog, you should be able to go through the rest of your day knowing that the worst part of your day is over."

so there you go. we're not talking deep-fried dee-licious frog legs, but a live, wiggling, bulgy-eyed, web-toed frog.

i'm going to assume that unless you're a few species of lizard, snake, or stork, eating a live frog really would be the worst part of your day.

so what are some ways to eat a frog? there are as many ways to Eat the Frog as there are frogs to eat. maybe a better question would be: what are some of the common frogs?

honestly, the largest and most common frogs i see are doubt, fear, and cynicism.

how many times have you said, "how could i possibly do ______?" (fill in the blank with something you knew could improve your life but chose not to do) how often did you look at something you wanted to do, or make, or write, and you didn't because you knew there was no way your efforts could compare to someone else's who was better, smarter, more experienced, etc?

can you remember a time you wanted to take a risk, try a new venture, and suddenly your mind was filled with the "what if?" consequences of failure?:
"what if i make all these paintings/jewelry/crocheted scarves and no one buys them?"
or even the more subtle, "i could buy that ten dollar book that would teach me how to market my at-home craft store better, but that's ten dollars that could go to lunch meat and milk."

in the first examples, the doubt is "there's no way i'm as good as those other people." in the other examples, the fear is "what if i go to all that work for nothing?" and "if i buy this, we'll go hungry."

now, when you're standing there at the store, or on that website's capture page staring at the Visa/Mastercard/Paypal click bar, you don't realize that's what you're really thinking. i would even be willing to bet there's less verbalized doubt and fear, and more just pictures in your mind and an emotion gripping you in the gut, am i right?

what about cynicism? "oh yeah, sure. visualization and affirmation is going to make my broke ass a millionaire? uh huh." in this case the cynicism is the disbelief in your source's honesty and opposing belief that they're trying to do nothing but scam you. and possibly coupled with that is the doubt that you're even worthy of being a millionaire.

you've heard the saying, "if it's too good to be true, it probably is."

Dee's Frog Appetizers Du Jour
Seek and You Shall Find
The Magical Mind-Reading Mystic Trick
The anti-Funk Challenge
Positively Playful Prognostication!

Seek and You Shall Find:
this saying is very, very well known. and it's such a simple saying! however, i'm not surprised that it is also a saying that's so easily misinterpreted or forgotten.

all it means is "If you keep your eyes open for something, you will find it."

Exercise:
think of a car you really like (i love BMW 520's and 300's). go to their website, and check out a few. tinker around with their custom order forms if they have one. (i love those! you can change colors, hubcaps, tint the windows, etc, and the picture changes with your alterations) go nuts and have fun for a few minutes. really think about that car, imagine sitting inside it. feel the steering wheel in your hands, the sound of the motor, the smell of the new-car interior. now, when you go out for the rest of your day, count how many of those cars you see.

do this for one week. record your results. even if all you do is write "saw three more today" on the back of a stained receipt at the bottom of your purse, that's better than nothing.

The Magical Mind-Reading Mystic Trick:
in the Book of Mirdad, it states: "So think as if your every thought were to be etched in fire upon the sky for all and everything to see. For so, in truth, it is."

my teacher once said, "live each moment of your life as if tomorrow you would find it on the front page of the L.A. Times." when i first heard the quote by Michail Naimi, i thought that's what it meant; living as if my every action were exposed, so don't sneak around or lie or do anything to get into trouble.

well...kinda. yes, and no. yes, because one's thoughts and actions truly are visible to everyone. no, as in don't get paranoid about it.

Exercise:
think back to a time when a friend of yours approached you and told you a big piece of news. "my son just got accepted to MIT!" or "my friend's car got wrecked last night by a bunch of teenagers."

in the first example, maybe you thought something along the lines of, "wow! her son must be really smart and study really hard." in the second example, maybe you thought, "stupid kids drinking and driving."

the truth is, you have no idea any details other than what your friend told you. however, because of what happened in their lives, you know something about them. for the friend's son that got accepted to a prestigious school, you know that kid had to study hard for years, and so is probably very disciplined, motivated, doesn't fool around, and is responsible. why? how would you know this? you can see it.

now look at your own life. what do you say about it? "i can barely make ends meet," or "lately i'm just so stressed out all the time," or even "nobody respects me."

what about your life, your thoughts and actions, are etched in fire for the world to see?

The anti-Funk Challenge:
this one's a little more difficult, but i know that all of you, my lovelies, are up to the Challenge.

you know the friend that always breezes into work ten, fifteen minutes late? you know the one. jokes are always made about them, or maybe your manager always grumbles about them. "what are you talking about?" they say, maybe laughing. "ten minutes late is early for me!" or maybe your other co-workers just adjust their day on the assumption that this person will be late.

what does everyone say about them? "they're always late." what does this person say about themselves? "i'm always late to things! i just can't seem to be on time." or maybe what they say is more subtle. something like, "no matter what i do, i always fall behind."

Exercise:
take one day --tomorrow-- and from the time you wake up to the time you close your eyes, pay attention to what you say about yourself. write down those things you say often. it could be, "i'm a fantastic cook," or "god, this place is a mess!" especially write down the things you blurt out with emotion, whether it's frustration, anger, excitement...anything. let's say you spill coffee in your lap in the car in morning traffic because someone cut you off and you had to slam on the brakes.

"dammit!" you growl. "i can't do anything right today!"

for this exercise, just write down those things you tell yourself about yourself throughout the day. i promise you, within minutes you'll be more conscious of what you say...and what you think.

Positively Playful Prognostication:
Abraham Lincoln once said, "Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing." also in line with this saying is another: "the best way to predict your future is to create it."

so...create it. my health guru Dr. Schultze says "Tomorrow is what you believe and do today!"

if you're always telling yourself, "i'll get to it tomorrow," or "someday i'm going to [insert dream scenario here]" then you're cheating yourself. the words "tomorrow" and "someday" convey an idea of the future. but they're just that: an idea, a concept. you can't put your hands on "tomorrow." in fact, there's no guarantee of tomorrow. yesterday is gone forever, and tomorrow is a concept.

all you have is today. all you can put your hands on is here in today. all you can do, you do today...or not at all. what good does it do you to say, "[some time in the future] we'll have more money," or "i'll start writing tomorrow," or "i'll take that class next term," or "i'll buy that tony robbins cd when i have more money?"

what good does it do you if you keep putting it off until "tomorrow?" because tomorrow will never come; it will always be "tomorrow," or "someday" or some other time in the future.

one of the ideas of quantum physics, proven scientific fact, is that at any given moment we are the sum of our past, future, and present all at once.

if you ate that huge plate of spaghetti last night, today you feel kinda heavy, bloated, and a bit more jiggly in the hips or butt. today you feel it. if it's not your habit to exercise, then tomorrow that jiggly is going to still be jiggling on your hips. however, at present you also hold all the potential and possibility for tomorrow. in simple english this means you have the power RIGHT NOW to wake up tomorrow without the jiggly with a little extra water, electrolytes, and a bit of walking today.

tomorrow never comes. all you have is today.

Exercise:
go through your mental list of things you've been putting off. i'm sure there's a long one somewhere inside your brain. take one of those things on your list, dust it off, and state what you want it to look like when it's finished. write it down, but write it in the present tense.

for example, i'm crocheting a poncho right now. i'm only 5 rows in, so it looks nothing like a poncho. but i would say: "I have a soft, gorgeous poncho that looks great and fits me perfectly!"

robert kiyosaki calls it "having your exit strategy." it means holding a picture in your mind of where you want to end up. you can't know how to get somewhere if you have no idea where you're going.

now, have your entry strategy. in my case, having yarn, a crochet hook, a pattern, scissors, and a comfortable place to sit.

now comes the in-between:
what do you need to do daily to complete your dusted-off, poor, neglected project or task?

maybe you have to eat the "Over-Developed Sense of Responsibility Frog" and set aside half an hour every night after dinner in order to get it done, and delegate the dishwashing to someone else. you know, someone else can do the frickin' dishes, for cryin' out loud! or maybe you have to eat the "Avoiding and Procrastinating By Playing Spider Solitaire Frog" and give up trying to beat your high score, and sit down, be alone with yourself, and do it.

you will never finish what you want to finish if you keep putting it off until tomorrow, or next month, or when there's more money, or more time, or anything else.

you will only finish it if you get your froggy little butt in gear and do it today. because today is all you have, and all you will ever have. and if you keep putting it off, you're cheating no one but yourself.

and if, in the back of your mind you know that you really won't ever get to it, not really...then that makes you a lying cheat.

you don't really want to be a lying cheat to yourself, do you?
--------

now, feel free to order any or all of these on the Sampler Platter. this is all about Frog-Eating, after all.

anything you try, keep track for a week either by writing it down --on a sticky note, a journal, your blog, that stained receipt at the bottom of your purse, whatever-- and keep everything you write. next week i'm going to introduce the other half of those exercises.

but choose an exercise, do it for one week, every day. record your experiences, and see how it changes how you see things, how you talk to yourself, how you think.

and above all else...

Eat the Frog!

Frog-Eating and You: "Trying" to Eat the Frog

"No! No try. Do. Or do not. There is no 'try.'"
--Yoda, Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back


a very good and funky friend of mine texted me tonight with a very alarming lament: her mother has lost her Funk and was spiraling into depression. this concerned me, because i've met her mother and think she's a totally delightful and wonderfully wacky, sparkling woman. i love her to death. so for such a spectacularly funky woman to be caught in the grips of the anti-Funk was dismaying.

of course, being a follower of the Night Mother and long-time servant of the Goddesses of War, Death, and Destruction, i also understand that the anti-Funk is just another one of their tools used for pruning away the excess. it's a little death we suffer, so that we need not suffer the agony of one great, big death at the end.

so, really, nothing's "good" or "bad," even the anti-Funk. our opinions and perspectives assign "good" and "bad."

but there was still the issue of my friend's mother being depressed. i don't like hearing that, and so i offered help in the best way i knew how: Conquering the anti-Funk by Working With It. my friend said to me her mother was fighting her depression, and fighting hard.

Sir Isaac Newton stated that, "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."

so it only stands to reason that the harder she was fighting, the harder the depression was clinging. when a frog pushes down and back with its legs, the frog flies forward and up into the air. it's called "hopping," and frogs do it really well. but for every action (pushing down and back with its legs), there is an equal and opposite reaction (the frog flies forward and up). the harder the frog pushes, the farther it hops.

so my first piece of advice was: "stop fighting."



so here's the first frog:



what bad habit or negative thought/belief is biting you in the ass? if you're constantly strapped for cash and every time you think of bills you get the sensation of having swallowed a rock that's just sinking your gut, maybe your bad habit is a lack of self-control in spending money. or, if you have great spending habits but are always broke...maybe your negative belief is how you view money altogether: you have an "always broke" mentality, a vision of yourself as always being poor, always barely making ends meet. so your thoughts are projecting into your future, and your thoughts are dictating your actions, which then manifest your broke situationa. you say to yourself, "high-paying jobs are hard to find" and then, having made your own broke-colored glasses, you go out into the world and see exactly that: high-paying jobs are hard to find.

et cetera.

so...you gotta find the frog. this one's a teenie li'l bugger. he's been hiding in some tiny little corner of your life, of your brain, and you've been listening to his teenie little chirps and ribbits for so long you don't even hear it anymore. you take him for granted. so you don't know where he lives, or what he looks like.

the good news is that he leaves signs. look for spoor. look for chewed-on food wrappers and holes chewed into cereal boxes. look in places where a frog would love to live and be comfortable. look hard. if your problem is disorganization, is it because you're procrastinating or absent-minded, or something else? what would solve the problem?

listen to the excuses you make to yourself.

in fact, make a list of them. write them out so you can see them with your own eyeballs. those excuses, good as they may seem to you, are the ribbits the frog is making from his hidden little corner, the sneaky bastard.

why do those excuses seem justified? you know they're not true because your life is a mess in that particular area...so why are you holding onto those excuses and believing them? they're not serving you, obviously.

what are the priorities in your life, that this aspect of your life has been tabled to the point where it's disrupting your life and causing you problems? now, a word of caution: answering this question is likely to uncover an entire army* of frogs.

frogs such as selfishness, insecurity, lying to oneself, addiction (and addiction can come in many forms, from substance abuse to the perpetuation of bad relationships), not having your needs met, etc. you might lift up a rock and an entire army of frogs of all colors and sizes just might start hopping everywhere and totally freak you out. it's happened before. so by all means, be careful answering this question, but for your own sake...answer it.

i suggested to my friend her mother stop fighting her depression and anti-Funk, and work with them. in ninjitsu, jujitsu, tai-chi, and many other combat arts, the idea is to utilize your opponent's force to your own advantage. don't fight and meet your opponent head-on, because then you have to contend with the pain of impact from not only the force of your opponent's attack, but added to your own attack as well.

instead take their force, add it to your own, and channel them both toward your own aims.

to do this, look at your list of thoughts and excuses. look at your damaging habits and activities. ask yourself how they serve you, and be honest. i bet you'll find that they don't serve you nearly as well as you've led yourself to believe.

the next thing to ask is how you can change the thought to make it constructive. alter a word or two and make a negative statement positive. in some cases, you may have to scrap the entire thought and create something entirely new.

here's a personal example:

i've been a mind-boggling insomniac since i was fifteen years old. for a few years, i was sleeping only on saturdays, and awake the rest of the week straight. a good night was 4 interrupted hours of sleep. and i'm such a light sleeper that i can lie awake in bed for four, five hours before nodding off...only to have the sound of the cat walking on my carpet wake me up. it's an insane way to live, and over fifteen years i've tried everything everyone could think of. nothing helped.

i'd finally just accepted living a live of exhaustion and mild desperation, migraines, lethargy...

i was saying, "i just don't sleep. nothing can help me." and this was my truth. it's gotten in the way of my health (and been very damaging), my sanity (sleep deprivation psychosis is NOT fun), and it's honestly just a really big pain in my butt. and that was my reality.

HOWEVER, i reinforced my reality by brainwashing myself. i stayed up later and later, pushed through those moments when my eyelids would droop, made my roomates paranoid about waking me up. all those years telling myself i could never sleep, how it was impossible for me to fall asleep easily. and it got worse every year, and i said it got worse every year. i told everyone.

i made my reality.

so now my reality is, "Sleep is great! I fall asleep naturally and easily." of course, i don't set myself up for failure. i gave up caffeine, keep myself hydrated, maintain a bedtime, listen to soothing tapes when i lie down. i changed my habits to help midwife this new existence where sleep is easy and natural for me.

so when i suggested working with her mom's depression and transforming her negative thoughts into positive affirmations, my friend told me her mom had "tried" a few of those things, and meditation, among other things.

okay, i have a problem with the word "try." a serious problem. it's one thing to try a new dish; in that case, "try" is another word for "sample," as in tasting a new dish you haven't encountered before. and "trying" a new sport is to test it out, to participate for the first time. but the word "try" as in "make an attempt" is something i have a serious problem with. i don't like it, and here's why.

to illustrate why, i suggested this little exercise to my friend to illuminate the difference between "trying" something and "doing" it. i texted, "'try' to move your toe. don't move it. TRY to move it."

it was one of the lessons illustrated in the book The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right For You. this was one of the definitive books for me in teaching me how to be my own woman and become --as i've mentioned before-- my own funky soulfreak and perfect mate. it was stated in much calmer terms, more straightforward, but it's a fantastic manual for learning how to rock into Oneness with the Funky Jive.

after all...

it's only when we're whole that we know what we have to offer.

(the other book that's a really great, practical guide is an eBook called Dating Without Drama by paige parker)

but back to the point:
i suggested my friend do this little exercise to bring home the difference in "try" vs. "do." one gets something accomplished. the other one is useless, and only exists in the vocabulary of the excuse-makers and fucktards. us of the Funky Wow know (and i know you're funky yourself because you're reading this blog) that Funk is a verb, a whole state of being, and not just an idea.

my friend loved the experiment, by the way.

don't try to eat the frog...

EAT THE FROG!!!

you know you want to.

------
*trivia: the collective noun for a group of frogs is an "army" of frogs. there is also a "chorus" of frogs, but this is exclusive to male frogs singing to attract females. a "knot" is the collective noun for a group of toads.
source: ojohaven.com

Frog-Eating and You: Eating Frogs for Fun and Profit

i just read the most interesting line just now. like, just now, and so i had to share it.

i just received mark joyner's book the irresistible offer and was reading a special "letter to the customer" type thing that you commonly get when you purchase things through ClickBank. i like ClickBank. they're good people.

anyway, mark's talking about how less than 1% of people who purchase books on improving their business ever read the book, utilize the information, and utilize it properly. those odds, quite frankly, suck. he goes on to say something that many people in the business industry know: the profitable and successful people are the people who do what no one else is willing to do.

well, um...duh.

mr. joyer says, "...it's called 'frog eating,' and if you're the one who will eat the frog, you will be assured a lucrative income anywhere in the world for the rest of your life."


the same is true for personal development, improving your life, taking charge of who you are and who you will be, what you want and what you have. those people who are willing to do what less than 1% of the crowd is willing to do are the ones who walk around in a constant state of peace and happiness that can never be touched by outside influences. they're happy from the inside, and their lives reflect that intangible "Something" they know that no one else can even understand.

why?

they ate the frog.

now, everyone hears this, and because they understand english i know they comprehend the words i'm saying. but understanding is a totally different animal, and people forget this. why?

"because frogs taste like crap, delena!" you say.

well, yeah. but the people who have learned to like the taste of frogs find frog eating to be quite a fun and enjoyable pasttime. they make it more than a hobby, or a sport. they hold seminars on such things as:

Eating Frogs for Fun and Profit

Little-Known Secrets of Better Frog-Eating

Frogs the Whole Family Can Enjoy!

Frogs on the Go: Tips and Tricks to Fit Frogs Into Your Busy Schedule

You've Mastered the Green Frog, Now What? (Tree Frogs, Poison Dart Frogs, and Other Types for the Adventurous FrogMasters)

et cetera.

frog-eaters form MeetUps and groups on Facebook. they coordinate with other frog-eaters and form blogrolls, have annual workshops or bi-weekly frog tasting parties. they love eating frogs! even the poisonous ones.

especially the poisonous ones.

why? well, allow me to share with you a little-known secret. have you read Dune? remember the bene jesserit sisters, masters of the Weirding Way, able to move as a blur, use the Voice to command...and able to swallow poison and change it in their bodies to neutralize it or turn it into something beneficial to them.

master frog-eaters know this technique, so those things that people say are "too hard," or they "could never do that!" or it's "too painful," or my favorite: "it's all right for you, but that's just not something the rest of us can do," are easy-peasy for FrogMasters.

well ain't that just a big, fat pile of steaming bovine bollwocky!

well...yes and no.

anyone can learn to eat frogs, and whether it becomes a favorite activity and they love the taste, or if it's something they grimace and do while chewing really fast (and washing it down with a ton of water) is completely up to the person. but frog is definitely an acquired taste.

frogs like "facing fear," and frogs like "looking in the mirror and meeting your own eyes."

frogs like "being completely honest with yourself," and even frogs like "cleaning out the bad habits and friends in your life."

those are some tough frogs to chew, and even tougher to swallow. and the frogs like "facing fear" look like poison dart frogs to the common masses: especially horrible and to be avoided at all costs. "OH NO!!" people shout. "call poison control! call 911!! delena's just poisoned herself!"

"no i didn't," i say, and keep on popping those poison frogs like appetizers.

...so what frogs have you eaten lately? how'd they taste? but even more importantly, what were the health benefits afterward? how did eating that frog change your life for the better? and looking back, with those amazing benefits frog-eating gave you, wasn't eating that frog just totally, whacked-out crazy FUN??!?

and if you haven't eaten the frog yet...what are you waiting for?

c'mon...

...eat the frog.

you know you want to