you know those days where there's so much going on around you at once that you really can only hope to catch what's right in front of you?
...yeah, it's kinda like that.
not that i'm complaining. not by a long shot. if anything, i created all of this wonderful, crazy chaos around me. for the longest, End of March loomed before me as this gargantuan tidal wave curling in white-capped inevitability over me. ever closer, ever more encompassing.
last time, i'd mentioned the new job beginning. it's going really well, even after catching a lovely cold immediately before starting. yeah, that was a fun kick in the head. seriously, i'm meeting some really fun and nice people, learning a lot, and getting to know my way around the portland metro on a whole new scale. it's kinda neat.
there's also been my real estate group, which meets fairly often. we get together to discuss ROTH IRA's, tax liens, purchasing notes, and buying 100 houses in a year. i used to think that stuff was boring. wall street week was on the television a lot growing up, and i avoided anything remotely related to it like the plague. but now i'm learning a ton, and it's just so dang fascinating! learning how to manipulate the solid concept of money is pretty damn neat-o, seeing how all the pieces can come together, all the myriad ways i'm going to turn that knowledge into freedom, power, and money is an incredible rush.
i see now how i can quite literally pick and choose the path i'm going to take to be financially independent. and even now i'm seeing this ability manifesting. it's caused another small-yet-radical shift in my thinking. opportunities, probabilities, consequences, and my own abilities are shining like never before.
hence my comment earlier about how i create all in my life. there've been a few social functions and have met a lot of new people. in particular, i met someone new through an old friend of mine. of course, knowing i'm single, he all but set me up...the bugger.
...but i'm not complaining. *grin* actually, i find the whole thing rather cute. every available moment, we're together. after *m*, i gave up acknowledging my need for lots of touching.
there's something about being looked in the eye and told all those things i hold close to my heart that's...refreshing. someone's paying attention. i'm not all that difficult to read or understand.
spring term began today. and even still, i'm slightly apprehensive. i haven't set foot in a classroom in a decade. also, i'm my head i'm already feeling the time crunch. occasionally i've caught myself wondering if i've bitten off far more than i could chew, but i always end up asking when haven't i bitten off more than i could chew? and suddenly everything's okay again. nothing to do but forge ahead, and so i do. how often have i backed down from anything?
speaking of backing down...
recently i've gone through another series of character challenges, learning things about myself and being shown without doubt that i'm ready for wetter, wilder, and far more astounding challenges...whether i feel ready or not. (and i definitely do not feel ready!)
mainly, these challenges have everything to do with trust, surrender, and letting go. i know it may seem "surrender" and "letting go" are the same thing, but i assure you they're not. where surrender has everything to do with guarding my pride and protecting my ego, letting go is mostly about those deeper, earthier, long-buried aspects of the injured little girl inside.
last year i thought i had helped integrate her back into myself. and i know i did...in part. however, as i've grown outward and taken my abilities to a higher level, i've also uncovered a new trove of opportunities to strengthen my character (aka: i found more yayfun issues i need to work through).
i know i'll always be in the process of growing and learning, i know this. but part of me despairs that i'll never be truly free of the results of my abuse. the negative messages i lived with all those years were things i consumed on a phenominally deep level. it's as if my personal development were akin to cleaning out a dark, dank basement. after cleaning out the clutter, scrubbing the walls, painting, putting in some light and making it beautiful, i then find a trap door leading to an even deeper sub-basement.
and the process begins again.
whether or not i want to, whether or not i like it, i have to face it. unlike the situations i found myself in last year, there's a whole new caliber of intensity with this, and a whole new level of courage demanded of me. unfortunately, despite my rule here at iGoddess of absolute honesty and "hide nothing," i truly feel that posting it up here would be unsafe for me.
so i'm setting up a new blog here in the next couple of weeks. it will have absolutely no association with iGoddess or the Funkywild. but i'll be posting these new things there. i simply feel that it could seriously damage my reputation both at work and online as i begin to grow what will become my real estate investment empire. it's just too personal.
for all my lovely followers of iGoddess, if you would like to continue following my growth on the new blog, shoot me a personal email. there's one associated with this blog on my profile: igoddess [dot ] mail [at] gmail [dot ] com
otherwise email me with any address you have, if you happen to have one of my personal addresses.
if you're a lurker, i'm sorry. i won't be giving this new blog to anyone i don't know. but i'll still be maintaining iGoddess, just not at my former frequency. time constraints being what they are for me now --between working at Orkin, my secondary job, a third job i'll be taking here in the near future, my real estate group, and this new aspect of my life-- it's simply not possible. plus, i want to focus on these new challenges of mine.
as always, i thank everyone for the love and support that has been showered upon iGoddess. i'll continue to bring the Funkywild to all corners of the world far and wide.
it's simply time to take my growth to a whole new level.
may the Funk be with you.
3.31.2009
3.18.2009
hello...is there anybody out there?
it's been a while since i've been here. lots of things going on, and i've been focusing my writing elsewhere. lots of time and energy have been going into getting ready for the End of March. i know the ides were a few days past, but instead of the 15th looming ahead like the dire warnings of a raving prophet, it's been the 23rd, and the 31st for me.
i finally start that new job with Orkin, so i'm really excited about that. i went to lane bryant today and bought a couple pairs of pants: one for work, and a black pair for me just because they looked so fantastic. i also got fitted for some new bras and realized i'd gone up a cup size!
way to go, girls!
my calendar is spattered everywhere with "cashflow" and "meetup" everywhere. i joined a group on meetup.com for robert kiyosaki's Cashflow game, and it's really fun! not only that, but i'm meeting people who are just as serious as i am about real estate investing. i'm learning so much, and at such a phenominal rate! it makes things feel more possible for me, like what i want to do is not only well within reach, but so close it's almost frightening. i could be leaving work permanently and investing full time within two years. kind of daunting.
but oh, so exciting!
and a couple months ago i ran into an old friend, and so i've been visiting with her and her husband (also a very good friend) and just getting back into the social scene. there are so many great people, and it feels really good to be treated like an intelligent, welcome adult. and being treated like a woman. and no one pounces on me just because i'm unattached, which is a real change of pace.
gluten-free living is doing wonders for me, too. i've been gluten-free for well over a week. the mental fog is gone, as are the debilitating migraines, the joint pain, the hellacious oh-gods-i'm-gonna-puke reflux, and the sinus pressure. i'm sleeping through the night even without my holosync cd's, which is astounding all by itself. and i've already gone down a jean size.
oh. my. goddess!
there's more, but i gotta run. i just wanted to say that i'm still here, i'm still alive, the diet is going strong, and life is beautiful!
i love you all, my lovely iVillage!
i finally start that new job with Orkin, so i'm really excited about that. i went to lane bryant today and bought a couple pairs of pants: one for work, and a black pair for me just because they looked so fantastic. i also got fitted for some new bras and realized i'd gone up a cup size!
way to go, girls!
my calendar is spattered everywhere with "cashflow" and "meetup" everywhere. i joined a group on meetup.com for robert kiyosaki's Cashflow game, and it's really fun! not only that, but i'm meeting people who are just as serious as i am about real estate investing. i'm learning so much, and at such a phenominal rate! it makes things feel more possible for me, like what i want to do is not only well within reach, but so close it's almost frightening. i could be leaving work permanently and investing full time within two years. kind of daunting.
but oh, so exciting!
and a couple months ago i ran into an old friend, and so i've been visiting with her and her husband (also a very good friend) and just getting back into the social scene. there are so many great people, and it feels really good to be treated like an intelligent, welcome adult. and being treated like a woman. and no one pounces on me just because i'm unattached, which is a real change of pace.
gluten-free living is doing wonders for me, too. i've been gluten-free for well over a week. the mental fog is gone, as are the debilitating migraines, the joint pain, the hellacious oh-gods-i'm-gonna-puke reflux, and the sinus pressure. i'm sleeping through the night even without my holosync cd's, which is astounding all by itself. and i've already gone down a jean size.
oh. my. goddess!
there's more, but i gotta run. i just wanted to say that i'm still here, i'm still alive, the diet is going strong, and life is beautiful!
i love you all, my lovely iVillage!
3.10.2009
thrill isn't an acquired taste
i've been exploring the aspects of thrillseeking behavior, what makes something thrilling, and the dangers and terror and heady drunken rush after you realize you survived against overwhelming terror. and so i give you a masterpiece i made a while ago.
...i need to make it into a big, fat poster and hang it up on my wall somewhere.
...i need to make it into a big, fat poster and hang it up on my wall somewhere.
3.08.2009
food to die for
all hail to bacchus, god of good wine, good food, and really good revelry!
it might've been healthy food, and completely not reminiscent of ancient rome, but still. praise all the gods of good food, and praise the universe for putting all that second-generation star dust into the right combination to form my body right here, right now, so that i am able to enjoy such pleasures of my physical incarnation.
because...damn.
thankfully, my head is only dimly pounding now, which is a far cry from two days ago. not so thankfully, i've always been prone to really bad headaches, which brew over days (sometimes a week) into full-blown, blinding, pounding, please-someone-at-least-cut-off-my-head migraines. the one i had the other day wasn't that bad, but it wasn't too far off.
but today, it was only painful enough to make me pause a few times. so i figured i'd finally get around to making that homemade chipotle burrito i'd been craving last week.
oh. my. gods.
it was so much better than that!
i broke out the coconut oil, heated up the pan until it was smoking and made the most wonderful stir-fry. i had sliced carrots, red onion, and a green bell pepper very thin. separately, i stir-fried the carrots with a little diced garlic, then threw it into a bowl. next, i stir-fried the bell pepper and red onion with ground black pepper and a couple splashes of lime juice (okay, so it was more than a couple!) until the onions and bell pepper were mainly blackened at the edges, then put that atop the carrots. after that came a whole heaping pan of white mushrooms with garlic, a couple pinches of salt, and extra coconut oil. then i julienned a small handful of fresh ginger root, just enough to fit into the palm of my hand, and sauteed it for just a few seconds.
then i diced up a fat handful of fresh cilantro and sprinkled that into the bowl, and mixed everything together. it was so pretty i had to take a few pictures of it with *cc*'s camera, just to capture it.
shauna at gluten-free girl has a really good point: looking at your food through a camera lense really makes you stop and consider your food in an entirely new light. i know every ingredient i used, chosen for health benefits and flavor both, diced up every bite with my own hands, and made a magic with that food all by myself. i could only imagine how good it was going to taste.
i let that sit while i melted more coconut oil into the pan, and heated up a pan of refried pinto beans with more garlic.
then i put it all into a bowl, and slathered it with that Amazing Guacamole of Mind-Altering Fantasmicness (oh my gods...). i sat down, put in "Just Married" into the dvd player (i love that movie, it always makes me howl with laughter no matter how many times i see it), and took my first bite.
it was...
...it was...
...goddess, it was enough to make me want to go out and start a new religion. that bite...that perfect bite! it had the perfect balance of garlic, the deep headiness of bell pepper and red onion dancing with the tany sweetness of lime juice, blanketed with the heavenliness of cilantro, with the old-home familiar refried beans at the bottom and cold contrast of guacamole on the top. and every once in a while, if i was lucky, there was a small bite of beautiful ginger giving the mexican blend just a hint of something more.
and while it may sound like sacrilege for a mexican to say no tortillas required, it's true.
i sat and had a new experience in luxurious taste just now, all those textures and flavors blending together to make the perfect aria, mixed with heaping spoonfuls of laughter.
it was... *happy sigh* oh goddess. it was just so good. you gotta try it!
it might've been healthy food, and completely not reminiscent of ancient rome, but still. praise all the gods of good food, and praise the universe for putting all that second-generation star dust into the right combination to form my body right here, right now, so that i am able to enjoy such pleasures of my physical incarnation.
because...damn.
thankfully, my head is only dimly pounding now, which is a far cry from two days ago. not so thankfully, i've always been prone to really bad headaches, which brew over days (sometimes a week) into full-blown, blinding, pounding, please-someone-at-least-cut-off-my-head migraines. the one i had the other day wasn't that bad, but it wasn't too far off.
but today, it was only painful enough to make me pause a few times. so i figured i'd finally get around to making that homemade chipotle burrito i'd been craving last week.
oh. my. gods.
it was so much better than that!
i broke out the coconut oil, heated up the pan until it was smoking and made the most wonderful stir-fry. i had sliced carrots, red onion, and a green bell pepper very thin. separately, i stir-fried the carrots with a little diced garlic, then threw it into a bowl. next, i stir-fried the bell pepper and red onion with ground black pepper and a couple splashes of lime juice (okay, so it was more than a couple!) until the onions and bell pepper were mainly blackened at the edges, then put that atop the carrots. after that came a whole heaping pan of white mushrooms with garlic, a couple pinches of salt, and extra coconut oil. then i julienned a small handful of fresh ginger root, just enough to fit into the palm of my hand, and sauteed it for just a few seconds.
then i diced up a fat handful of fresh cilantro and sprinkled that into the bowl, and mixed everything together. it was so pretty i had to take a few pictures of it with *cc*'s camera, just to capture it.
shauna at gluten-free girl has a really good point: looking at your food through a camera lense really makes you stop and consider your food in an entirely new light. i know every ingredient i used, chosen for health benefits and flavor both, diced up every bite with my own hands, and made a magic with that food all by myself. i could only imagine how good it was going to taste.
i let that sit while i melted more coconut oil into the pan, and heated up a pan of refried pinto beans with more garlic.
then i put it all into a bowl, and slathered it with that Amazing Guacamole of Mind-Altering Fantasmicness (oh my gods...). i sat down, put in "Just Married" into the dvd player (i love that movie, it always makes me howl with laughter no matter how many times i see it), and took my first bite.
it was...
...it was...
...goddess, it was enough to make me want to go out and start a new religion. that bite...that perfect bite! it had the perfect balance of garlic, the deep headiness of bell pepper and red onion dancing with the tany sweetness of lime juice, blanketed with the heavenliness of cilantro, with the old-home familiar refried beans at the bottom and cold contrast of guacamole on the top. and every once in a while, if i was lucky, there was a small bite of beautiful ginger giving the mexican blend just a hint of something more.
and while it may sound like sacrilege for a mexican to say no tortillas required, it's true.
i sat and had a new experience in luxurious taste just now, all those textures and flavors blending together to make the perfect aria, mixed with heaping spoonfuls of laughter.
it was... *happy sigh* oh goddess. it was just so good. you gotta try it!
3.07.2009
absent
sorry i didn't write yesterday. there was no blogging, there was only migraine. it's better now today, but i'm still really wiped.
love and hugs, my lovelies. i'll be back (i hope) tomorrow.
love and hugs, my lovelies. i'll be back (i hope) tomorrow.
3.05.2009
gluten-free funkmaster
after some thinking last week, when my goal to be an Eye-Popping Amazon of Wild Hotness was brewing in the back of my head and my suspicion was growing that this would become my new goal, i returned to exploring shauna's place over at gluten-free girl.
*cc* is obsessed with her anti-carb campaign: Carbs Are Evil, Carbs Must Die. sometimes she talks about gluten really making her feel sluggish for a few days and drags her down. so i explored a little more at gluten-free girl. something about the back cover blurb stuck in my head, and something she'd said in an entry about being so exhausted all the time and wasting her afternoons on the couch with headaches and unable to move.
i thought to myself, "hmm, it's worth exploring." so i bought her book, which arrived yesterday. i'm already finished with it and, dear goddess lemme tell you! she could have been writing about me. now, i realize that a lot of people read her book and say the same thing, and email her and leave comments constantly thanking her for bringing celiac disease to their awareness, etc.
i'm not going to do that, or be one of those people. instead, i'm just going to say here that it gives me hope and that maybe, just maybe, her advice will make the road to my goal that much smoother.
yesterday, i did exactly what i said i would: i bought stuff to make my own homemade chipotle burrito...but with no gluten-free tortillas i've hit a bit of a speedbump. but i made the guac!
now, don't freak or anything, but being mexican i have a little bit of a guilty confession...
...i'd never made guacamole until yesterday.
i know! i know. oi... but yesterday at the supermarket, those hass 'cadoes were staring at me, flirting and seductive with their already-ripe yielding softness. so i brought them home and immediately halved them, saving the pits, and mooshed them up.
whipped them.
then i melted a 1/4 cup of the coconut oil i brought home (i was very happy to find organic, 100% coconut oil, no fillers), and added that to the mushy avocado whip. i added two handfuls of diced red onion, half a bunch of fresh diced cilantro, fresh ground pepper, a bit of salt, and a few splashes of lime juice.
oh. my. gods. it was heaven.
right before lunch today, after the guac had had a chance to nap in the fridge, it tasted even better. GODLY. i fixed myself a salad with spinach, spring greens mix, shaved carrot and fresh shaved ginger root, then put a few heaping, eager, singing glops of that guac into my salad and tossed it all together.
oh.
my.
gods.
it was so freaking unbelievable! and i used to hate avocadoes. and actually, i still can't stand the texture or taste of a naked avocado, no matter how ripe and in season. but there's just something about the spark and shout of a heap of orgasmically delicious guacamole on a homemade tortilla chip...or in a chipotle burrito. some magical transformation happens in the presence of red onion and cilantro, the finishing, miraculous touch is the vibrant splash of lime juice.
just...oh my gods.
there were also fresh, cold, green grapes for sweetness, and three soup mugs of steaming turkey broth with garlic. i sat down to a two-hour lunch, reading gluten-free girl and knowing every bite i took was a conscious choice for my health.
somehow, knowing that, it made every bite taste even better. more vibrant. and it felt as if i were eating my daily commitment to be an Eye-Popping Amazon, taking it into my body as nourishment as much as the greens, herbs, avocado, coconut...all of it.
it seems so simple, so...i dunno. sounds kinda lame. all it was, was lunch. i fixed a meal, i sat down, i ate it. but something about this afternoon made it real for me. i took that commitment into my body.
i don't think i could fall off the wagon now if i tried.
*cc* is obsessed with her anti-carb campaign: Carbs Are Evil, Carbs Must Die. sometimes she talks about gluten really making her feel sluggish for a few days and drags her down. so i explored a little more at gluten-free girl. something about the back cover blurb stuck in my head, and something she'd said in an entry about being so exhausted all the time and wasting her afternoons on the couch with headaches and unable to move.
i thought to myself, "hmm, it's worth exploring." so i bought her book, which arrived yesterday. i'm already finished with it and, dear goddess lemme tell you! she could have been writing about me. now, i realize that a lot of people read her book and say the same thing, and email her and leave comments constantly thanking her for bringing celiac disease to their awareness, etc.
i'm not going to do that, or be one of those people. instead, i'm just going to say here that it gives me hope and that maybe, just maybe, her advice will make the road to my goal that much smoother.
yesterday, i did exactly what i said i would: i bought stuff to make my own homemade chipotle burrito...but with no gluten-free tortillas i've hit a bit of a speedbump. but i made the guac!
now, don't freak or anything, but being mexican i have a little bit of a guilty confession...
...i'd never made guacamole until yesterday.
i know! i know. oi... but yesterday at the supermarket, those hass 'cadoes were staring at me, flirting and seductive with their already-ripe yielding softness. so i brought them home and immediately halved them, saving the pits, and mooshed them up.
whipped them.
then i melted a 1/4 cup of the coconut oil i brought home (i was very happy to find organic, 100% coconut oil, no fillers), and added that to the mushy avocado whip. i added two handfuls of diced red onion, half a bunch of fresh diced cilantro, fresh ground pepper, a bit of salt, and a few splashes of lime juice.
oh. my. gods. it was heaven.
right before lunch today, after the guac had had a chance to nap in the fridge, it tasted even better. GODLY. i fixed myself a salad with spinach, spring greens mix, shaved carrot and fresh shaved ginger root, then put a few heaping, eager, singing glops of that guac into my salad and tossed it all together.
oh.
my.
gods.
it was so freaking unbelievable! and i used to hate avocadoes. and actually, i still can't stand the texture or taste of a naked avocado, no matter how ripe and in season. but there's just something about the spark and shout of a heap of orgasmically delicious guacamole on a homemade tortilla chip...or in a chipotle burrito. some magical transformation happens in the presence of red onion and cilantro, the finishing, miraculous touch is the vibrant splash of lime juice.
just...oh my gods.
there were also fresh, cold, green grapes for sweetness, and three soup mugs of steaming turkey broth with garlic. i sat down to a two-hour lunch, reading gluten-free girl and knowing every bite i took was a conscious choice for my health.
somehow, knowing that, it made every bite taste even better. more vibrant. and it felt as if i were eating my daily commitment to be an Eye-Popping Amazon, taking it into my body as nourishment as much as the greens, herbs, avocado, coconut...all of it.
it seems so simple, so...i dunno. sounds kinda lame. all it was, was lunch. i fixed a meal, i sat down, i ate it. but something about this afternoon made it real for me. i took that commitment into my body.
i don't think i could fall off the wagon now if i tried.
3.04.2009
brezsny-on-the-blog
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Throx.com sells you socks in threes, so if you lose one you have an extra to take its place. Their ingenious marketing plan resembles the approach of some romance-addicts I know, who always date two or three people just in case they get dumped by one of them. No bouts of loneliness to worry about! Which brings us to my main advice for you this week, Capricorn: Have a back-up plan. Keep an alternative handy. Make sure you won't run out of the stuff you really need.
i woke up today and felt a little better. didn't want to be awake (the rapidly changing weather is wreaking havoc on my allergies) but i had gotten enough sleep. the food angst from yesterday was gone, and what a relief! lemme tell you, inside my own head i was pacing like a caged and very tense lion desperately wanting a chipotle burrito.
i resisted, for which i'm very relieved because i don't know how i would have handled being disappointed in myself today. plus, it helped that i think i had a touch of that flu that's been going around. anything i ate felt like a churning rock in my stomach.
ewww...
but there were backups at home that saved me, like mr. brezsny says. i ate a good, old-fashioned sandwich with lots of hot mustard, pickles, horseradish, and spinach. very fun. i boiled red onions and red potatoes, mashed them up, piled on the garlic, a little butter, soymilk, and fresh ground pepper, and had the most wonderful whipped potatoes on the side.
today i'm going to the store and i don't care if it's only the beginning of march. i'm buying avocadoes, romaine lettuce, cilantro, and anything else i need, and i'm gonna make me a healthier version of the chipotle burrito. i'm also bringing home more coconut oil because you just can't beat its benefits.
this goal is forcing me to think really creatively. i used to be so good about food and my eating habits. living with *ds* and *ks* polluted much more than just my fucktard intolerance. with all their complaining about my vegetarianism, about how it was so hard to go out with me to eat, how it was so hard to compromise grocery shopping for foods that all three of us could eat, how it was so hard living with a vegetarian (jeezus, they bitched more and more the healthier their company...should have listened to my instinct about them long ago), i began to ease up on my strict requirements...and became almost as disgustingly fat as they are. it's shameful.
so i'm having to break a lot of bad habits i adopted to make living with them easier on me. it's also liberating, though. it's like, "ahh! now i can go back to my regularly scheduled program."
it is definitely more difficult, turning on a dime in order to fulfill my goal of becoming an Eye-Popping Amazon of Wild Hotness, but having back-ups and alternatives handy really make the difference between keeping my commitment and being weak and letting myself be a victim to bad habits and addictions.
because i know both are a choice, and i have to choose to be a disappointment to myself should i fall off the wagon. and why would i want to choose that? especially in the face of all the health and self-esteem benefits, not to mention being visually pleasing...
i woke up today and felt a little better. didn't want to be awake (the rapidly changing weather is wreaking havoc on my allergies) but i had gotten enough sleep. the food angst from yesterday was gone, and what a relief! lemme tell you, inside my own head i was pacing like a caged and very tense lion desperately wanting a chipotle burrito.
i resisted, for which i'm very relieved because i don't know how i would have handled being disappointed in myself today. plus, it helped that i think i had a touch of that flu that's been going around. anything i ate felt like a churning rock in my stomach.
ewww...
but there were backups at home that saved me, like mr. brezsny says. i ate a good, old-fashioned sandwich with lots of hot mustard, pickles, horseradish, and spinach. very fun. i boiled red onions and red potatoes, mashed them up, piled on the garlic, a little butter, soymilk, and fresh ground pepper, and had the most wonderful whipped potatoes on the side.
today i'm going to the store and i don't care if it's only the beginning of march. i'm buying avocadoes, romaine lettuce, cilantro, and anything else i need, and i'm gonna make me a healthier version of the chipotle burrito. i'm also bringing home more coconut oil because you just can't beat its benefits.
this goal is forcing me to think really creatively. i used to be so good about food and my eating habits. living with *ds* and *ks* polluted much more than just my fucktard intolerance. with all their complaining about my vegetarianism, about how it was so hard to go out with me to eat, how it was so hard to compromise grocery shopping for foods that all three of us could eat, how it was so hard living with a vegetarian (jeezus, they bitched more and more the healthier their company...should have listened to my instinct about them long ago), i began to ease up on my strict requirements...and became almost as disgustingly fat as they are. it's shameful.
so i'm having to break a lot of bad habits i adopted to make living with them easier on me. it's also liberating, though. it's like, "ahh! now i can go back to my regularly scheduled program."
it is definitely more difficult, turning on a dime in order to fulfill my goal of becoming an Eye-Popping Amazon of Wild Hotness, but having back-ups and alternatives handy really make the difference between keeping my commitment and being weak and letting myself be a victim to bad habits and addictions.
because i know both are a choice, and i have to choose to be a disappointment to myself should i fall off the wagon. and why would i want to choose that? especially in the face of all the health and self-esteem benefits, not to mention being visually pleasing...
3.03.2009
as a FunkMaster thinketh..
...so are they.
the above quote is an adaptation of the quote from Proverbs 23:7 "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." now, that particular section was talking about being careful to avoid fostering envy in your heart and focusing on the false trappings of wealth and of pursuing wealth for its own sake. greed and envy have no place in true success and abundance.
in his book The 11 Forgotten Laws, bob proctor says, "2% of people think, 3% of people think they think and 95% of people would rather die than think!"
we all know people who are like that, who would rather die than think. we also know people who seem to think, but their lives reveal the fucktard within. most people are actually surprised when they meet someone who thinks, who walks their talk, and lives a life in integrity. i know i am.
well, i used to be. now that i seek people who are thinkers, believers, and honest integrity practitioners, i find them everywhere. i recently found a treasure trove of people like that, actually.
what started this whole entry was a quote by paul tournier that i just so happened to trip over. it said, "sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can."
does anyone remember the story of kara goucher, how she placed third in the NYC Marathon and in that race was the first woman in 14 years to place in the top three, and her time was a record-breaker for women in that race. this was after years of declining performance and injury after debilitating injury. but she switched coaches and kept training. during that race, the commentators kept saying things like, "oh look, and from behind, here comes kara. wouldn't it be funny if she placed?" but throughout the entire race never believed she would.
when interviewed, she said that she knew there were only two people there who believed she could place with a medal: her husband, and her coach. with kara, they were the only three people who believed in her, but they believed.
everyone can agree that actions produce consequences. nowadays, the word "consequences" has such a bad reputation and negative connotation, but all it means is something that logically or naturally follows from an action or condition. all actions have consequences, all the way down to breathing. even by standing still, just breathing, you are consuming oxygen, burning energy, consuming water (in your cells), etc. just existing has consequences.
people never think any farther than this. but thoughts give birth to actions, and actions birth consequences.
this, in a nutshell, is the logic behind the premise in The Secret, how thoughts become things.
this doesn't encompass just anything in your life, however. and herein lies the secret frog you must eat: this encompasses everything in your life. every little...tiny...thing. from the place you live to the health of your heart; from whether you like your job to how much you sleep each night; from how many friends you have, to your relationship with your parents.
you contribute to them all. how you feel about them is up to you and only you. how it has affected you is up to you, and only you.
...and it all begins with a thought. now how powerful is that?
stay tuned for Part II, Frog-Eating and You: The Frog Prince
the above quote is an adaptation of the quote from Proverbs 23:7 "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." now, that particular section was talking about being careful to avoid fostering envy in your heart and focusing on the false trappings of wealth and of pursuing wealth for its own sake. greed and envy have no place in true success and abundance.
in his book The 11 Forgotten Laws, bob proctor says, "2% of people think, 3% of people think they think and 95% of people would rather die than think!"
we all know people who are like that, who would rather die than think. we also know people who seem to think, but their lives reveal the fucktard within. most people are actually surprised when they meet someone who thinks, who walks their talk, and lives a life in integrity. i know i am.
well, i used to be. now that i seek people who are thinkers, believers, and honest integrity practitioners, i find them everywhere. i recently found a treasure trove of people like that, actually.
what started this whole entry was a quote by paul tournier that i just so happened to trip over. it said, "sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can."
does anyone remember the story of kara goucher, how she placed third in the NYC Marathon and in that race was the first woman in 14 years to place in the top three, and her time was a record-breaker for women in that race. this was after years of declining performance and injury after debilitating injury. but she switched coaches and kept training. during that race, the commentators kept saying things like, "oh look, and from behind, here comes kara. wouldn't it be funny if she placed?" but throughout the entire race never believed she would.when interviewed, she said that she knew there were only two people there who believed she could place with a medal: her husband, and her coach. with kara, they were the only three people who believed in her, but they believed.
everyone can agree that actions produce consequences. nowadays, the word "consequences" has such a bad reputation and negative connotation, but all it means is something that logically or naturally follows from an action or condition. all actions have consequences, all the way down to breathing. even by standing still, just breathing, you are consuming oxygen, burning energy, consuming water (in your cells), etc. just existing has consequences.
people never think any farther than this. but thoughts give birth to actions, and actions birth consequences.
this, in a nutshell, is the logic behind the premise in The Secret, how thoughts become things.
this doesn't encompass just anything in your life, however. and herein lies the secret frog you must eat: this encompasses everything in your life. every little...tiny...thing. from the place you live to the health of your heart; from whether you like your job to how much you sleep each night; from how many friends you have, to your relationship with your parents.
you contribute to them all. how you feel about them is up to you and only you. how it has affected you is up to you, and only you.
...and it all begins with a thought. now how powerful is that?
stay tuned for Part II, Frog-Eating and You: The Frog Prince
the morning after
well...yesterday was The Great Today, where i began to achieve my new goal of becoming an Eye-Popping Amazon of Wild Hotness.
i cannot tell you how overpowering my carb addiction withdrawals are right now, oh my goddess. usually they don't kick in for a few days going carb-free. well, yesterday i went with *cc* and Little Brother to my favorite grill and packed myself full of garlic-and-ginger veggie stir fry. so i wasn't hungry the rest of the day. i love that place, because i quite literally control exactly what goes onto my plate, and what's in it.
so even if i could have had carbs yesterday, i just wasn't hungry. but today, holy hell! i'm light-headed, there's a rock in my stomach, i'm antsy, exhausted, having horrid reflux, and can't even bring myself to even drink tea. honestly, i can't tell if i have a touch of the flu that's been going around, or if it's my own head creating this "OH MY GODS! NO CARBS!!" freakout and trying to convince me that i will fall over dead if i don't have pasta.
now, to be honest, i've heretofore been utterly unsuccessful quitting my carb addiction in times past. all i know is that i always feel ten worlds better after a huge bowl of spaghetti once a month when i get..."edgy." i think it's all the dopamine and sugars produced after white, gluten-laden pastas. because i actually don't get the same satisfaction or effect after eating my mexican beans and rice, or tortillas, or wheat bread.
gotta be the sugars and dopamine in white pastas, and we all know sugar and dopamine are addictive chemicals even though they're naturally produced in our bodies.
buckminster fuller said, "don't fight forces, work with them." so i'm looking for ways to implement what he said and not fight this addiction and its withdrawals (and my obsession over lack of pasta), but work with it. so far i've been unsuccessful finding a way to channel that excess energy. i imagine it just means i'm drawing closer to a solution, but i'm turning to my lovely iVillage --all of you-- to help me come up with ideas.
because it's exactly this addiction that derails me every time. and this time i will not fail in my endeavors to be an Eye-Popping Amazon.
in the meantime, i recommit to my goal today. now, in the spirit of taking better care of my body, i'm going to go lie down. i hope i''m not getting sick, and i'm thinking healthy thoughts, but you can never go wrong with getting rest.
i cannot tell you how overpowering my carb addiction withdrawals are right now, oh my goddess. usually they don't kick in for a few days going carb-free. well, yesterday i went with *cc* and Little Brother to my favorite grill and packed myself full of garlic-and-ginger veggie stir fry. so i wasn't hungry the rest of the day. i love that place, because i quite literally control exactly what goes onto my plate, and what's in it.
so even if i could have had carbs yesterday, i just wasn't hungry. but today, holy hell! i'm light-headed, there's a rock in my stomach, i'm antsy, exhausted, having horrid reflux, and can't even bring myself to even drink tea. honestly, i can't tell if i have a touch of the flu that's been going around, or if it's my own head creating this "OH MY GODS! NO CARBS!!" freakout and trying to convince me that i will fall over dead if i don't have pasta.
now, to be honest, i've heretofore been utterly unsuccessful quitting my carb addiction in times past. all i know is that i always feel ten worlds better after a huge bowl of spaghetti once a month when i get..."edgy." i think it's all the dopamine and sugars produced after white, gluten-laden pastas. because i actually don't get the same satisfaction or effect after eating my mexican beans and rice, or tortillas, or wheat bread.
gotta be the sugars and dopamine in white pastas, and we all know sugar and dopamine are addictive chemicals even though they're naturally produced in our bodies.
buckminster fuller said, "don't fight forces, work with them." so i'm looking for ways to implement what he said and not fight this addiction and its withdrawals (and my obsession over lack of pasta), but work with it. so far i've been unsuccessful finding a way to channel that excess energy. i imagine it just means i'm drawing closer to a solution, but i'm turning to my lovely iVillage --all of you-- to help me come up with ideas.
because it's exactly this addiction that derails me every time. and this time i will not fail in my endeavors to be an Eye-Popping Amazon.
in the meantime, i recommit to my goal today. now, in the spirit of taking better care of my body, i'm going to go lie down. i hope i''m not getting sick, and i'm thinking healthy thoughts, but you can never go wrong with getting rest.
3.02.2009
time marches on
so if yesterday i said, "eat, drink, and be merry! for tomorrow i diet," then i must admit that today is tomorrow.
and i have to admit that i got to bed an hour late and still woke up right on time. so i'm yawning like crazy. you know those, wide-mouthed, jaw-popping, eye-scrunching, near-violent yawns that flood your eyes with tears and make you a little light-headed? i keep taking off my reading glasses to rub my eyes. i put my glasses back on, only to take them off three second later to rub more yawn-induced tears out of my eyes.
i want to go back to bed.
instead i'm sitting here, writing this entry so i can --as boho mom said so perfectly-- be a role model.
y'know, i've worked out and dieted before. i've altered my eating habits for a lifestyle change. i've said, "i want a better body," but here i am, still stuck with the fat body i was born with. i've always been fat, my whole life. i don't know how to imagine me looking any other way. i was fat as a kid, fat as a teenager, and now i'm 204. which, btw, i find reprehensible.
but i've been watching myself slowly get a little cottage cheesy, and honestly i accepted it. i've fought against my weight my whole life, and nothing did more than help me shed maybe ten pounds and that was it. i've thought, all this time, that i would always look like this and never be my own personal version of beautiful. and i accepted it.
i gave in, and accepted it as my reality. and that, more than any other reason, is why i've remained a chunky chica this whole time.
never before --until now-- have i accepted something different. well, now i'm here and i've made the choice to accept that now...because i'm thirty, flirty, and fabulous...because this is the Year of the Funky Wow...because this is the Delenaissance...i'm making a different reality for myself. i accept that i can do this, and i will.
and even more importantly, i find accepting the reality of being fat and hating my body is UNacceptable. from here on out, i reject it. in its place, i accept the reality that i can be an Eye-Popping Amazon of Wild Hotness.
and i'm going to do it right. i've had no luck doing this on my own, so i'm going to employ help. i'm telling everyone i know, so i have their support and encouragement...and accountability. think of it like reinforcement when the confidence gets a little weak. which it will! i'm human, and i too have my cycles of ups and downs, confidence and self-doubt.
boho mom also reminded me of something else. in her last comment, she saids she vows to be here every day. correct me if i'm wrong, boho, but i think you meant you'll come here every day to keep yourself motivated to lose the Tostito Twenty (cousin to the Freshman Fifteen, lol).
well you know what? i promise to be here, too. i accept that i'll also be here every day because commitment --true commitment-- is a discipline to be practiced, exercised, and renewed every single day. too many people think commitment is a choice you make once and magically are resolute every single day for the rest of your life, when the truth is that it's a choice made anew every single day.
well, today i make the choice to commit to my decision to be an Eye-Popping Amazon of OMFG.
(and my yawns are gone)
and i have to admit that i got to bed an hour late and still woke up right on time. so i'm yawning like crazy. you know those, wide-mouthed, jaw-popping, eye-scrunching, near-violent yawns that flood your eyes with tears and make you a little light-headed? i keep taking off my reading glasses to rub my eyes. i put my glasses back on, only to take them off three second later to rub more yawn-induced tears out of my eyes.
i want to go back to bed.
instead i'm sitting here, writing this entry so i can --as boho mom said so perfectly-- be a role model.
y'know, i've worked out and dieted before. i've altered my eating habits for a lifestyle change. i've said, "i want a better body," but here i am, still stuck with the fat body i was born with. i've always been fat, my whole life. i don't know how to imagine me looking any other way. i was fat as a kid, fat as a teenager, and now i'm 204. which, btw, i find reprehensible.
but i've been watching myself slowly get a little cottage cheesy, and honestly i accepted it. i've fought against my weight my whole life, and nothing did more than help me shed maybe ten pounds and that was it. i've thought, all this time, that i would always look like this and never be my own personal version of beautiful. and i accepted it.
i gave in, and accepted it as my reality. and that, more than any other reason, is why i've remained a chunky chica this whole time.
never before --until now-- have i accepted something different. well, now i'm here and i've made the choice to accept that now...because i'm thirty, flirty, and fabulous...because this is the Year of the Funky Wow...because this is the Delenaissance...i'm making a different reality for myself. i accept that i can do this, and i will.
and even more importantly, i find accepting the reality of being fat and hating my body is UNacceptable. from here on out, i reject it. in its place, i accept the reality that i can be an Eye-Popping Amazon of Wild Hotness.
and i'm going to do it right. i've had no luck doing this on my own, so i'm going to employ help. i'm telling everyone i know, so i have their support and encouragement...and accountability. think of it like reinforcement when the confidence gets a little weak. which it will! i'm human, and i too have my cycles of ups and downs, confidence and self-doubt.
boho mom also reminded me of something else. in her last comment, she saids she vows to be here every day. correct me if i'm wrong, boho, but i think you meant you'll come here every day to keep yourself motivated to lose the Tostito Twenty (cousin to the Freshman Fifteen, lol).
well you know what? i promise to be here, too. i accept that i'll also be here every day because commitment --true commitment-- is a discipline to be practiced, exercised, and renewed every single day. too many people think commitment is a choice you make once and magically are resolute every single day for the rest of your life, when the truth is that it's a choice made anew every single day.
well, today i make the choice to commit to my decision to be an Eye-Popping Amazon of OMFG.
(and my yawns are gone)
3.01.2009
eat, drink, and be merry...
...for tomorrow i diet.
the other day, during my drug test and physical for the Orkin inspector position, i weighed in at 204 lbs.
this. was. horrifying.
i mean, after having a roomate who was morbidly obese, i saw the disgusting horrors of letting myself go, so it always gave me incentive to keep active and maintain a respectable diet.
but seeing 204 on that old-fashioned, calibrated counterweight scale made me very Not Pleased At All.
so starting tomorrow --the first weekday of a new month-- i'm going all-out. cold turkey quitting all my lovely, lovely carbs. no more eating meat simply because it's convenient for the people around me (and yes, being a vegetarian is DAMN DIFFICULT in a house full of enthusiastic carnivores). no more bagels and cream cheese.
*cries*
on the other hand, this position at Orkin will give me opportunities that no other job has, simply because of my salary. i plan on going back to total system cleansing (intestinal, kidney, liver), detox flushes, and i have made a promise to myself to work with a personal trainer and nutritionist the moment i have a steady income and have worked out my budget. considering i have 3 job offers, all of which i'm going to take, money will be easy.
and we all know that when delena sets her mind to something, she always gets it.
my goal is not a set number, not a weight or measurement. i know what i want to see in the mirror, and a feeling i want to have when i see my end result in the mirror.
how many people remember linda hamilton as sarah connor in Terminator 2?? or sigourney weaver as ripley in the Alien trilogy? that's my goal: to look as close to my two favorite action heroines as i physically can.
so let's see...i decided to get out of my depressive, self-injuring anti-Funk...and i did.
i decided to create the solid, loving family foundation and only have people in my life that supported and loved me wildly...and i did.
i decided i wanted love in my life...and i do.
i decided to take the next logical steps into the personal development major leagues, including school, networking, and working with professionals...and i did.
now, i'm deciding to sculpt and fashion my body into the most gorgeous, healthy, strong, and beautiful temple for my spirit...and i'm going to do it.
ask any figure in history who made a difference what their secret was, how they accomplished what they set out to do. mother teresa, gandhi, editor-in-chief of the L.A. Times...they all say the same thing:
the other day, during my drug test and physical for the Orkin inspector position, i weighed in at 204 lbs.
this. was. horrifying.
i mean, after having a roomate who was morbidly obese, i saw the disgusting horrors of letting myself go, so it always gave me incentive to keep active and maintain a respectable diet.
but seeing 204 on that old-fashioned, calibrated counterweight scale made me very Not Pleased At All.
so starting tomorrow --the first weekday of a new month-- i'm going all-out. cold turkey quitting all my lovely, lovely carbs. no more eating meat simply because it's convenient for the people around me (and yes, being a vegetarian is DAMN DIFFICULT in a house full of enthusiastic carnivores). no more bagels and cream cheese.
*cries*
on the other hand, this position at Orkin will give me opportunities that no other job has, simply because of my salary. i plan on going back to total system cleansing (intestinal, kidney, liver), detox flushes, and i have made a promise to myself to work with a personal trainer and nutritionist the moment i have a steady income and have worked out my budget. considering i have 3 job offers, all of which i'm going to take, money will be easy.
and we all know that when delena sets her mind to something, she always gets it.
my goal is not a set number, not a weight or measurement. i know what i want to see in the mirror, and a feeling i want to have when i see my end result in the mirror.
how many people remember linda hamilton as sarah connor in Terminator 2?? or sigourney weaver as ripley in the Alien trilogy? that's my goal: to look as close to my two favorite action heroines as i physically can.
so let's see...i decided to get out of my depressive, self-injuring anti-Funk...and i did.
i decided to create the solid, loving family foundation and only have people in my life that supported and loved me wildly...and i did.
i decided i wanted love in my life...and i do.
i decided to take the next logical steps into the personal development major leagues, including school, networking, and working with professionals...and i did.
now, i'm deciding to sculpt and fashion my body into the most gorgeous, healthy, strong, and beautiful temple for my spirit...and i'm going to do it.
ask any figure in history who made a difference what their secret was, how they accomplished what they set out to do. mother teresa, gandhi, editor-in-chief of the L.A. Times...they all say the same thing:
i just set my mind to it.
2.28.2009
2.27.2009
Frog-Eating and You: Clean Your Plate
facing your shadow self.
conquering your fears.
fighting your inner demons.
learning to be a better person.
all of these are different phrases for the same thing: what we here at iGoddess call Frog-Eating. however, i find that the first three examples make this ordeal seem like some huge, abstract, frightening thing. the fourth is too vague.
with "Frog-Eating," there's no ambiguity there. it might not be delicious, but it's definitely nutritious. it's difficult (anyone who says eating a live frog is easy is lying), gross, but doable. it's just a frog. you're bigger than a frog. you can hold a frog in your hand. you have opposable thumbs, so you automatically win.
from an evolutionary standpoint, anyway.
...at least, as long as we're not talking about tasks which include jumping up to 50 times your body length, because a frog's just quite simply got you beat there.
anyway...
last week iGoddess gave you four items on the Frog-Eating menu, tools to help you Eat the Frog. now, all of those exercises were created to help you learn to eat one particular frog. and if you guessed that the frog was Unconscious Living (or however you phrase a lack of conscious awareness of your thoughts and actions), then you were correct.
all of those exercises had one intention: to help you focus on what you were doing In The Now. to help you step back from yourself --like an objective observer, or an audience to your own life-- and see what the character of You was doing, thinking, saying, and feeling.
the Seek and You Shall Find exercise was designed to bump you off autopilot and put the controls back into your hands so you can pilot your own life. our thoughts are kind of like a radio, and can only be tuned to one frequency at a time. if your frequency is some variation of "life sucks today," then all you will pick up are examples of how life sucks today. that's why the exercise was to tune yourself to see one particular car on the road for a day, a week, whatever. it was to teach you that you can choose what to focus on, at what frequency you truly want to tune into. you can choose, and you can change it at will. so if there's something in your life you don't like, why are you focusing on it??? seek, and you shall find.
the Magical Mind-Reading Mystic Trick exercise was twofold: designed to show you how your thoughts govern your behavior, and that the world judges us on our behavior far more than our words. actions really do speak louder than words. if the universe was created with a Word, then what came first? the Word, or the Thought Behind the Word? because you can't have language without an idea, but you can't convey that thought without language. maybe they are one and the same. humankind can lie. but their actions never lie. and you cannot do something without thinking and believing in it, whether or not that thought, that belief, is conscious. mostly, it's subconscious for the majority of people. actions have consequences, and it is our actions and reactions which shape our lives. so what does the state of our lives, what happens to us, what we earn or don't earn, have or don't have, are or aren't...what does all that say about where our thoughts are?
the Anti-Funk Challenge was designed to help hold a mirror to yourself, to the thoughts and beliefs you direct at yourself. you know the ones: the ones you say to yourself unconsciously, automatically...the ones that are more like programming than real thoughts. and that's exactly what it is: programming. the exercise was to help bring the automatic responses closer to the surface so you could hear for yourself what you say to yourself on a daily basis, even minute-to-minute. did it help you? do you like your programming...or did you find you put yourself down more than anyone else ever could? did you like what you were telling yourself? or did you discover you really want to change what you keep feeding your mind and heart?
and lastly, the Positively Playful Prognostication exercise was a bit of a mutant, but it still was valid. most people, if given a choice, will avoid this exercise like the plague. i finally figured out why, too. people are comfortable in their self-created status quo. they don't like change. and they especially don't like the work involved in changing. it's like suddenly turning a small rudder on a large ship; the ship will turn, but the forces involved in turning that large ship are great indeed, and it will take a while for the ship to even know it's supposed to turn. most people are incapable of maintaining the strength and effort --and discipline-- involved in turning the ship that is their bad habits, laziness, procrastination, et al. and they don't like being shown just how unwilling they are to change, even when faced with undeniable truth of their own responsibility for the state of their lives.
these people are called fucktards.
luckily, the exercise was also designed to show you just how easy it is to build up the strength, momentum, and discipline to change your future by changing your present. and lastly, it was also designed to demonstrate how only a deeply rooted desire not to change is the only thing keeping you from taking your own future and creating it. that's right: you have to want things to stay the same in order to let all those "obstacles" conquer you. that's an ugly fact, and it's a frog most people will flat-out refuse to eat.
only the true, funkalicious FrogMasters ever manage to down that frog. only the masters.
now, i know i promised the other half of the exercises on the Appetizer Sampler Platter. well, here it is, and it's simple.
some of those exercises asked you to write things down. the only one that didn't was the Positively Playful Prognostication (and it's called "playful" because of just how freakin' fun it is once you get the hang of creatively shaping your own future). however, you can write down what you want your future to be. then write down all the obstacles that stand between you and your desired future.
take what you've written, no matter the exercise, and burn it. take a match to it, and watch it go up in flames. fire is cleansing, cauterizing, forging, healing. burn your negativity and scatter the ashes.
then, remembering nature abhors a vacuum, sit down and write something new. if you did the Seek exercise, write down what you want to see in your life, and use all positive language. write it in the present tense, as if you had it right now, at this moment. because when you visualize, you do have it at that moment, so it's accurate and truthful.
if you did the Mystic Trick exercise, describe aspects or characteristics that you'd like to have yourself. for instance, if you want to be punctual, or always honest, or dignified...whatever. just write it down. write, "i am _____!" and then list ways that you think that type of person would behave. write "i do these things," or some version thereof. if you want to be punctual, you'd write, "I am punctual! I leave my house in plenty of time to arrive at work/school/etc. I always have enough time to do the things I need to do. I set my alarm clock when necessary," et cetera.
if you did the Challenge, write new affirmations. if you have a miserable memory and are always losing track of things, write the opposite. "I have a fantastic memory! I remember things quickly and easily." or if you have a case of artists' block, you can write, "my creative thoughts empower me to act and follow through." if you're known for starting projects but not finishing them, you could write something like, "I am focused and motivated. When I dedicate myself to a project, I see it to its completion and am proud of the end result." and so forth.
and if you were brave enough to tackle the Prognostication exercise, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write down the future you see for yourself. get really descriptive. write your "exit strategy," your end result. then right down the action you took immediately prior to achieving your end result. take as much time as you need to write down a backward list of how you achieved that end result, back through time until it leads you to where you are right now, sitting in your chair writing out your future and backwards timeline. then sit back and admire it, because voila! you have just written out your plan to achieve your desired future.
now...i dare you to make it real.
i dare you to make it all real.
show them frogs who's boss!
EAT THE FROG!!!
conquering your fears.
fighting your inner demons.
learning to be a better person.
all of these are different phrases for the same thing: what we here at iGoddess call Frog-Eating. however, i find that the first three examples make this ordeal seem like some huge, abstract, frightening thing. the fourth is too vague.
with "Frog-Eating," there's no ambiguity there. it might not be delicious, but it's definitely nutritious. it's difficult (anyone who says eating a live frog is easy is lying), gross, but doable. it's just a frog. you're bigger than a frog. you can hold a frog in your hand. you have opposable thumbs, so you automatically win.
from an evolutionary standpoint, anyway.
...at least, as long as we're not talking about tasks which include jumping up to 50 times your body length, because a frog's just quite simply got you beat there.
anyway...
last week iGoddess gave you four items on the Frog-Eating menu, tools to help you Eat the Frog. now, all of those exercises were created to help you learn to eat one particular frog. and if you guessed that the frog was Unconscious Living (or however you phrase a lack of conscious awareness of your thoughts and actions), then you were correct.
all of those exercises had one intention: to help you focus on what you were doing In The Now. to help you step back from yourself --like an objective observer, or an audience to your own life-- and see what the character of You was doing, thinking, saying, and feeling.
the Seek and You Shall Find exercise was designed to bump you off autopilot and put the controls back into your hands so you can pilot your own life. our thoughts are kind of like a radio, and can only be tuned to one frequency at a time. if your frequency is some variation of "life sucks today," then all you will pick up are examples of how life sucks today. that's why the exercise was to tune yourself to see one particular car on the road for a day, a week, whatever. it was to teach you that you can choose what to focus on, at what frequency you truly want to tune into. you can choose, and you can change it at will. so if there's something in your life you don't like, why are you focusing on it??? seek, and you shall find.
the Magical Mind-Reading Mystic Trick exercise was twofold: designed to show you how your thoughts govern your behavior, and that the world judges us on our behavior far more than our words. actions really do speak louder than words. if the universe was created with a Word, then what came first? the Word, or the Thought Behind the Word? because you can't have language without an idea, but you can't convey that thought without language. maybe they are one and the same. humankind can lie. but their actions never lie. and you cannot do something without thinking and believing in it, whether or not that thought, that belief, is conscious. mostly, it's subconscious for the majority of people. actions have consequences, and it is our actions and reactions which shape our lives. so what does the state of our lives, what happens to us, what we earn or don't earn, have or don't have, are or aren't...what does all that say about where our thoughts are?
the Anti-Funk Challenge was designed to help hold a mirror to yourself, to the thoughts and beliefs you direct at yourself. you know the ones: the ones you say to yourself unconsciously, automatically...the ones that are more like programming than real thoughts. and that's exactly what it is: programming. the exercise was to help bring the automatic responses closer to the surface so you could hear for yourself what you say to yourself on a daily basis, even minute-to-minute. did it help you? do you like your programming...or did you find you put yourself down more than anyone else ever could? did you like what you were telling yourself? or did you discover you really want to change what you keep feeding your mind and heart?
and lastly, the Positively Playful Prognostication exercise was a bit of a mutant, but it still was valid. most people, if given a choice, will avoid this exercise like the plague. i finally figured out why, too. people are comfortable in their self-created status quo. they don't like change. and they especially don't like the work involved in changing. it's like suddenly turning a small rudder on a large ship; the ship will turn, but the forces involved in turning that large ship are great indeed, and it will take a while for the ship to even know it's supposed to turn. most people are incapable of maintaining the strength and effort --and discipline-- involved in turning the ship that is their bad habits, laziness, procrastination, et al. and they don't like being shown just how unwilling they are to change, even when faced with undeniable truth of their own responsibility for the state of their lives.
these people are called fucktards.
luckily, the exercise was also designed to show you just how easy it is to build up the strength, momentum, and discipline to change your future by changing your present. and lastly, it was also designed to demonstrate how only a deeply rooted desire not to change is the only thing keeping you from taking your own future and creating it. that's right: you have to want things to stay the same in order to let all those "obstacles" conquer you. that's an ugly fact, and it's a frog most people will flat-out refuse to eat.
only the true, funkalicious FrogMasters ever manage to down that frog. only the masters.
now, i know i promised the other half of the exercises on the Appetizer Sampler Platter. well, here it is, and it's simple.
some of those exercises asked you to write things down. the only one that didn't was the Positively Playful Prognostication (and it's called "playful" because of just how freakin' fun it is once you get the hang of creatively shaping your own future). however, you can write down what you want your future to be. then write down all the obstacles that stand between you and your desired future.
take what you've written, no matter the exercise, and burn it. take a match to it, and watch it go up in flames. fire is cleansing, cauterizing, forging, healing. burn your negativity and scatter the ashes.
then, remembering nature abhors a vacuum, sit down and write something new. if you did the Seek exercise, write down what you want to see in your life, and use all positive language. write it in the present tense, as if you had it right now, at this moment. because when you visualize, you do have it at that moment, so it's accurate and truthful.
if you did the Mystic Trick exercise, describe aspects or characteristics that you'd like to have yourself. for instance, if you want to be punctual, or always honest, or dignified...whatever. just write it down. write, "i am _____!" and then list ways that you think that type of person would behave. write "i do these things," or some version thereof. if you want to be punctual, you'd write, "I am punctual! I leave my house in plenty of time to arrive at work/school/etc. I always have enough time to do the things I need to do. I set my alarm clock when necessary," et cetera.
if you did the Challenge, write new affirmations. if you have a miserable memory and are always losing track of things, write the opposite. "I have a fantastic memory! I remember things quickly and easily." or if you have a case of artists' block, you can write, "my creative thoughts empower me to act and follow through." if you're known for starting projects but not finishing them, you could write something like, "I am focused and motivated. When I dedicate myself to a project, I see it to its completion and am proud of the end result." and so forth.
and if you were brave enough to tackle the Prognostication exercise, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write down the future you see for yourself. get really descriptive. write your "exit strategy," your end result. then right down the action you took immediately prior to achieving your end result. take as much time as you need to write down a backward list of how you achieved that end result, back through time until it leads you to where you are right now, sitting in your chair writing out your future and backwards timeline. then sit back and admire it, because voila! you have just written out your plan to achieve your desired future.
now...i dare you to make it real.
i dare you to make it all real.
show them frogs who's boss!
2.25.2009
wishcasting wednesday
the lovely jaime over at starshyne productions has had wishcasting wednesday for a long time, now. i usually forget about it because up until recently, my memory wasn't so hot. but thanks to my affirmations and harnessing what i know about the Law of Attraction, my memory is extensive! i can remember things quickly and easily! (and that, my lovelies, is my memory affirmation!)
so here i am, jumping into wishcasting wednesdays. today the wish is, "to whom do you wish to send some love?"
well, honestly, i wanted to send love to *rf*, who moved out here to get away from a horrible marriage. it turns out he moved here for me, which i told him at the outset was the wrong reason to move. but move he did, and when *ds* and *ks* proved for once and all that they're just incurable fucktards, i realized it was well past time to let them go and leave their poison behind. unfortunately, that also meant leaving *rf*, who blamed me for feeling abandoned. (had he moved for the right reasons, the abandonment wouldn't have been an issue)
of course, that whole story is more centered around the theme of leaving the fucktards out of our lives. i didn't accept blame for things that weren't my responsibility, and because i flat-out refused to accept it, as did i refuse to apologize for certain things i didn't have to (you DO NOT apologize just because someone else apologizes; if you're not wrong, STAND YOUR GROUND!!). so we parted on bad terms.
but i made the choice not to let blossoming fucktard behavior pollute my life anymore, and that meant cutting him off.
but still, i think about him sometimes, and i hope he's getting his head on straight. he deserves it, after the miserable time he had with his wife. bad relationships are poison and should be left behind, period. he had the courage to go, which is more than i can say for another ex-friend of mine.
but still, i am made of love. if i've loved you, then in some chamber of my heart, there is always love for you, small but burning brightly.
i send love out to *rf*. i hope you're really out there, working to improve your life. you deserve nothing less than self-love and all the happiness the universe holds.
a-men. a-woman. ohhhmmm... and hallelujah.
so here i am, jumping into wishcasting wednesdays. today the wish is, "to whom do you wish to send some love?"
well, honestly, i wanted to send love to *rf*, who moved out here to get away from a horrible marriage. it turns out he moved here for me, which i told him at the outset was the wrong reason to move. but move he did, and when *ds* and *ks* proved for once and all that they're just incurable fucktards, i realized it was well past time to let them go and leave their poison behind. unfortunately, that also meant leaving *rf*, who blamed me for feeling abandoned. (had he moved for the right reasons, the abandonment wouldn't have been an issue)
of course, that whole story is more centered around the theme of leaving the fucktards out of our lives. i didn't accept blame for things that weren't my responsibility, and because i flat-out refused to accept it, as did i refuse to apologize for certain things i didn't have to (you DO NOT apologize just because someone else apologizes; if you're not wrong, STAND YOUR GROUND!!). so we parted on bad terms.
but i made the choice not to let blossoming fucktard behavior pollute my life anymore, and that meant cutting him off.
but still, i think about him sometimes, and i hope he's getting his head on straight. he deserves it, after the miserable time he had with his wife. bad relationships are poison and should be left behind, period. he had the courage to go, which is more than i can say for another ex-friend of mine.
but still, i am made of love. if i've loved you, then in some chamber of my heart, there is always love for you, small but burning brightly.
i send love out to *rf*. i hope you're really out there, working to improve your life. you deserve nothing less than self-love and all the happiness the universe holds.
a-men. a-woman. ohhhmmm... and hallelujah.
2.24.2009
brezsny-on-the-blog, The Delenaissance
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In his book *The Invention of Air,* Steven Johnson says that as coffee drinking came into vogue in the 18th century, it became a driving force in the Age of Enlightenment. Prior to that time, alcohol had been the drink of choice -- more so even than water. As the stimulant replaced the intoxicant, the level of discourse rose dramatically. Creative ideas flourished and new discoveries and inventions proliferated. I bring this up, Capricorn, because I suspect that you're entering your own personal Age of Enlightenment. Imbibing caffeine may not be necessary to fuel it, since cosmic energies will be conspiring to inspire your mental processes.
it would make sense, considering alcohol's a depressant and caffeine's a stimulant, that if coffee came into vogue it would influence an upsurge of creativity. i mean, just think what a zip in your step coffee gives you!
to be honest, i do feel like i've been entering a Delenaissance, my very own Age of Aquarius. and i think my birthday was just the official starting of it, because i've felt this way for a while. it's hard to describe, but just the way the world appears to me is different. people can tell about their problems, and the way i hear the story is different. as is what i think to myself.
there's a lot less, "oh, poor you," and a lot more, "why don't you shut up and solve the problem instead of wasting your energy complaining to me about it?" i'm a lot more judicious as to who i believe deserves my sympathy and help. the gods help those who help themselves. i know this to be true.
in the things i've learned over the years, and especially more recently, the things i hear just make more sense. i've been utterly drowning myself in tony robbins, bob proctor, mike dillard, bill harris, and others...and what they say makes sense. for christmas, i was given the book "happy for no reason" by marci shimoff, and i could have sworn the woman spied on me for the last two years and wrote down everything i did during my evolution into this fantabulous FunkMaster that i am now.
it's really spectacular to look at some of the manuals out there and recognize the mile markers i've already hit.
and i was offered a job from the lovely people at StuckinaRut.com over coffee with the owner and his son a few weeks ago. they recognized that i understood things about personal development the regular person doesn't. they loved my spirit and funky personality. hell, they even loved my email signature: May the Funk be with you! http://lillithdee.blogspot.com. talk about amazing, i thought. here are thunder walkers in the personal development industry, and they've recognized me as one of them.
i'm on the right path, doing the right things, learning and growing. and thunder walkers i look up to and respect turned to me and said, "join us. you have what it takes, and we recognize you."
i can't describe the feeling. i will take them up on their offer, and continue to grow in a completely different league now.
also, more fantastic news, another job i've been interviewing for was offered to me today. i'll be an inspector for Orkin Pest Control. for where i'm headed, i feel the position will teach me a lot about business and sales. it's another step on my path to wealth and financial freedom.
for in this Delenaissance, i understand that all things are possible. as a woman thinketh, so is she. seek, and i shall find. knock, and the door shall be opened unto me. for all these things are possible in the universe, and when i can Be the person i want to be, and Do the things this wealthy and knowledgeable person does, then i will Have the life i want.
may the Funk be with you.
it would make sense, considering alcohol's a depressant and caffeine's a stimulant, that if coffee came into vogue it would influence an upsurge of creativity. i mean, just think what a zip in your step coffee gives you!
to be honest, i do feel like i've been entering a Delenaissance, my very own Age of Aquarius. and i think my birthday was just the official starting of it, because i've felt this way for a while. it's hard to describe, but just the way the world appears to me is different. people can tell about their problems, and the way i hear the story is different. as is what i think to myself.
there's a lot less, "oh, poor you," and a lot more, "why don't you shut up and solve the problem instead of wasting your energy complaining to me about it?" i'm a lot more judicious as to who i believe deserves my sympathy and help. the gods help those who help themselves. i know this to be true.
in the things i've learned over the years, and especially more recently, the things i hear just make more sense. i've been utterly drowning myself in tony robbins, bob proctor, mike dillard, bill harris, and others...and what they say makes sense. for christmas, i was given the book "happy for no reason" by marci shimoff, and i could have sworn the woman spied on me for the last two years and wrote down everything i did during my evolution into this fantabulous FunkMaster that i am now.
it's really spectacular to look at some of the manuals out there and recognize the mile markers i've already hit.
and i was offered a job from the lovely people at StuckinaRut.com over coffee with the owner and his son a few weeks ago. they recognized that i understood things about personal development the regular person doesn't. they loved my spirit and funky personality. hell, they even loved my email signature: May the Funk be with you! http://lillithdee.blogspot.com. talk about amazing, i thought. here are thunder walkers in the personal development industry, and they've recognized me as one of them.
i'm on the right path, doing the right things, learning and growing. and thunder walkers i look up to and respect turned to me and said, "join us. you have what it takes, and we recognize you."
i can't describe the feeling. i will take them up on their offer, and continue to grow in a completely different league now.
also, more fantastic news, another job i've been interviewing for was offered to me today. i'll be an inspector for Orkin Pest Control. for where i'm headed, i feel the position will teach me a lot about business and sales. it's another step on my path to wealth and financial freedom.
for in this Delenaissance, i understand that all things are possible. as a woman thinketh, so is she. seek, and i shall find. knock, and the door shall be opened unto me. for all these things are possible in the universe, and when i can Be the person i want to be, and Do the things this wealthy and knowledgeable person does, then i will Have the life i want.
may the Funk be with you.
2.23.2009
wanna hear the strangest secret in the world?
between everything else that people are doing out there --jamie's 12 Secrets, brandi's joy rebel army, and others-- not to mention catching up on each others' blogs, leaving comments, emailing, going to creative workshops, not to mention keeping up with life outside of blogland, i know people's time is limited.
so i just wanted to post this, and leave it up to everyone else whether or not to listen to it. i promise, it's much more appealing than eating frogs.
so i just wanted to post this, and leave it up to everyone else whether or not to listen to it. i promise, it's much more appealing than eating frogs.
2.21.2009
speak! the world is listening.
it arrived a tad late, but my li'l bro sent me a webcam for my birthday. of course, the gift was self-serving, as he wanted to be able to talk to me over skype. so the gift was as much for himself as it was for me.
however, you'll not hear me complaining!
so now i have this abso-fraggin-lutely fantabulous Logitech 1.3 megapixel webcam set up on my desk, and Skype is downloaded.
if you don't have it, it's free downloadable VOIP software, and calls made to other Skype users are free. you can even call landlines and cell phones for a modest fee (or pay a monthly fee). it also has text message features, chat, file sharing, and video conferencing.
for the first time in years, i was able to see my li'l bro and talk to him! it was hilariously fun, and the best part is that it's FREE!
i just wanted to post how much fun it is, and to tell everyone to get it if you haven't already. it's so much fun! and great for all those long-distance friends in different time zones, always wondering when someone's free evening or weekend minutes kick in and hoping it won't be too late for whoever you're calling (or if you're the one doing the calling, having to wait until 10pm for those west coast 7pm free evening cell phone minutes to kick in!).
it's fun, it's free. give it a shot!
and if any of you out there ever wanna call me, leave a comment or email me, and i'll send you my Skype username.
2.20.2009
Frog-Eating and You: The Savory Appetizer Sampler Platter
one thing I think is kind of funny is that, to help further my Eat the Frog! campaign, I decided to start researching frogs, where they come from, how they live, and what they do.
frogs are really quite fascinating little creatures. and their songs are beautiful.
i've even gotten a few emails about the deliciousness of frog legs. i hear they taste like chicken. kinda...
and people have asked me where that phrase even came from: Eat the Frog! so i did a little digging and found that once upon a time, mark twain once said "if the first thing you do every morning is eat a live frog, you should be able to go through the rest of your day knowing that the worst part of your day is over."
so there you go. we're not talking deep-fried dee-licious frog legs, but a live, wiggling, bulgy-eyed, web-toed frog.
i'm going to assume that unless you're a few species of lizard, snake, or stork, eating a live frog really would be the worst part of your day.
so what are some ways to eat a frog? there are as many ways to Eat the Frog as there are frogs to eat. maybe a better question would be: what are some of the common frogs?
honestly, the largest and most common frogs i see are doubt, fear, and cynicism.
how many times have you said, "how could i possibly do ______?" (fill in the blank with something you knew could improve your life but chose not to do) how often did you look at something you wanted to do, or make, or write, and you didn't because you knew there was no way your efforts could compare to someone else's who was better, smarter, more experienced, etc?
can you remember a time you wanted to take a risk, try a new venture, and suddenly your mind was filled with the "what if?" consequences of failure?:
"what if i make all these paintings/jewelry/crocheted scarves and no one buys them?"
or even the more subtle, "i could buy that ten dollar book that would teach me how to market my at-home craft store better, but that's ten dollars that could go to lunch meat and milk."
in the first examples, the doubt is "there's no way i'm as good as those other people." in the other examples, the fear is "what if i go to all that work for nothing?" and "if i buy this, we'll go hungry."
now, when you're standing there at the store, or on that website's capture page staring at the Visa/Mastercard/Paypal click bar, you don't realize that's what you're really thinking. i would even be willing to bet there's less verbalized doubt and fear, and more just pictures in your mind and an emotion gripping you in the gut, am i right?
what about cynicism? "oh yeah, sure. visualization and affirmation is going to make my broke ass a millionaire? uh huh." in this case the cynicism is the disbelief in your source's honesty and opposing belief that they're trying to do nothing but scam you. and possibly coupled with that is the doubt that you're even worthy of being a millionaire.
you've heard the saying, "if it's too good to be true, it probably is."
Seek and You Shall Find:
this saying is very, very well known. and it's such a simple saying! however, i'm not surprised that it is also a saying that's so easily misinterpreted or forgotten.
all it means is "If you keep your eyes open for something, you will find it."
Exercise:
think of a car you really like (i love BMW 520's and 300's). go to their website, and check out a few. tinker around with their custom order forms if they have one. (i love those! you can change colors, hubcaps, tint the windows, etc, and the picture changes with your alterations) go nuts and have fun for a few minutes. really think about that car, imagine sitting inside it. feel the steering wheel in your hands, the sound of the motor, the smell of the new-car interior. now, when you go out for the rest of your day, count how many of those cars you see.
do this for one week. record your results. even if all you do is write "saw three more today" on the back of a stained receipt at the bottom of your purse, that's better than nothing.
The Magical Mind-Reading Mystic Trick:
in the Book of Mirdad, it states: "So think as if your every thought were to be etched in fire upon the sky for all and everything to see. For so, in truth, it is."
my teacher once said, "live each moment of your life as if tomorrow you would find it on the front page of the L.A. Times." when i first heard the quote by Michail Naimi, i thought that's what it meant; living as if my every action were exposed, so don't sneak around or lie or do anything to get into trouble.
well...kinda. yes, and no. yes, because one's thoughts and actions truly are visible to everyone. no, as in don't get paranoid about it.
Exercise:
think back to a time when a friend of yours approached you and told you a big piece of news. "my son just got accepted to MIT!" or "my friend's car got wrecked last night by a bunch of teenagers."
in the first example, maybe you thought something along the lines of, "wow! her son must be really smart and study really hard." in the second example, maybe you thought, "stupid kids drinking and driving."
the truth is, you have no idea any details other than what your friend told you. however, because of what happened in their lives, you know something about them. for the friend's son that got accepted to a prestigious school, you know that kid had to study hard for years, and so is probably very disciplined, motivated, doesn't fool around, and is responsible. why? how would you know this? you can see it.
now look at your own life. what do you say about it? "i can barely make ends meet," or "lately i'm just so stressed out all the time," or even "nobody respects me."
what about your life, your thoughts and actions, are etched in fire for the world to see?
The anti-Funk Challenge:
this one's a little more difficult, but i know that all of you, my lovelies, are up to the Challenge.
you know the friend that always breezes into work ten, fifteen minutes late? you know the one. jokes are always made about them, or maybe your manager always grumbles about them. "what are you talking about?" they say, maybe laughing. "ten minutes late is early for me!" or maybe your other co-workers just adjust their day on the assumption that this person will be late.
what does everyone say about them? "they're always late." what does this person say about themselves? "i'm always late to things! i just can't seem to be on time." or maybe what they say is more subtle. something like, "no matter what i do, i always fall behind."
Exercise:
take one day --tomorrow-- and from the time you wake up to the time you close your eyes, pay attention to what you say about yourself. write down those things you say often. it could be, "i'm a fantastic cook," or "god, this place is a mess!" especially write down the things you blurt out with emotion, whether it's frustration, anger, excitement...anything. let's say you spill coffee in your lap in the car in morning traffic because someone cut you off and you had to slam on the brakes.
"dammit!" you growl. "i can't do anything right today!"
for this exercise, just write down those things you tell yourself about yourself throughout the day. i promise you, within minutes you'll be more conscious of what you say...and what you think.
Positively Playful Prognostication:
Abraham Lincoln once said, "Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing." also in line with this saying is another: "the best way to predict your future is to create it."
so...create it. my health guru Dr. Schultze says "Tomorrow is what you believe and do today!"
if you're always telling yourself, "i'll get to it tomorrow," or "someday i'm going to [insert dream scenario here]" then you're cheating yourself. the words "tomorrow" and "someday" convey an idea of the future. but they're just that: an idea, a concept. you can't put your hands on "tomorrow." in fact, there's no guarantee of tomorrow. yesterday is gone forever, and tomorrow is a concept.
all you have is today. all you can put your hands on is here in today. all you can do, you do today...or not at all. what good does it do you to say, "[some time in the future] we'll have more money," or "i'll start writing tomorrow," or "i'll take that class next term," or "i'll buy that tony robbins cd when i have more money?"
what good does it do you if you keep putting it off until "tomorrow?" because tomorrow will never come; it will always be "tomorrow," or "someday" or some other time in the future.
one of the ideas of quantum physics, proven scientific fact, is that at any given moment we are the sum of our past, future, and present all at once.
if you ate that huge plate of spaghetti last night, today you feel kinda heavy, bloated, and a bit more jiggly in the hips or butt. today you feel it. if it's not your habit to exercise, then tomorrow that jiggly is going to still be jiggling on your hips. however, at present you also hold all the potential and possibility for tomorrow. in simple english this means you have the power RIGHT NOW to wake up tomorrow without the jiggly with a little extra water, electrolytes, and a bit of walking today.
tomorrow never comes. all you have is today.
Exercise:
go through your mental list of things you've been putting off. i'm sure there's a long one somewhere inside your brain. take one of those things on your list, dust it off, and state what you want it to look like when it's finished. write it down, but write it in the present tense.
for example, i'm crocheting a poncho right now. i'm only 5 rows in, so it looks nothing like a poncho. but i would say: "I have a soft, gorgeous poncho that looks great and fits me perfectly!"
robert kiyosaki calls it "having your exit strategy." it means holding a picture in your mind of where you want to end up. you can't know how to get somewhere if you have no idea where you're going.
now, have your entry strategy. in my case, having yarn, a crochet hook, a pattern, scissors, and a comfortable place to sit.
now comes the in-between:
what do you need to do daily to complete your dusted-off, poor, neglected project or task?
maybe you have to eat the "Over-Developed Sense of Responsibility Frog" and set aside half an hour every night after dinner in order to get it done, and delegate the dishwashing to someone else. you know, someone else can do the frickin' dishes, for cryin' out loud! or maybe you have to eat the "Avoiding and Procrastinating By Playing Spider Solitaire Frog" and give up trying to beat your high score, and sit down, be alone with yourself, and do it.
you will never finish what you want to finish if you keep putting it off until tomorrow, or next month, or when there's more money, or more time, or anything else.
you will only finish it if you get your froggy little butt in gear and do it today. because today is all you have, and all you will ever have. and if you keep putting it off, you're cheating no one but yourself.
and if, in the back of your mind you know that you really won't ever get to it, not really...then that makes you a lying cheat.
you don't really want to be a lying cheat to yourself, do you?
--------
now, feel free to order any or all of these on the Sampler Platter. this is all about Frog-Eating, after all.
anything you try, keep track for a week either by writing it down --on a sticky note, a journal, your blog, that stained receipt at the bottom of your purse, whatever-- and keep everything you write. next week i'm going to introduce the other half of those exercises.
but choose an exercise, do it for one week, every day. record your experiences, and see how it changes how you see things, how you talk to yourself, how you think.
and above all else...
frogs are really quite fascinating little creatures. and their songs are beautiful.
i've even gotten a few emails about the deliciousness of frog legs. i hear they taste like chicken. kinda...
and people have asked me where that phrase even came from: Eat the Frog! so i did a little digging and found that once upon a time, mark twain once said "if the first thing you do every morning is eat a live frog, you should be able to go through the rest of your day knowing that the worst part of your day is over."
so there you go. we're not talking deep-fried dee-licious frog legs, but a live, wiggling, bulgy-eyed, web-toed frog.
i'm going to assume that unless you're a few species of lizard, snake, or stork, eating a live frog really would be the worst part of your day.
so what are some ways to eat a frog? there are as many ways to Eat the Frog as there are frogs to eat. maybe a better question would be: what are some of the common frogs?
honestly, the largest and most common frogs i see are doubt, fear, and cynicism.
how many times have you said, "how could i possibly do ______?" (fill in the blank with something you knew could improve your life but chose not to do) how often did you look at something you wanted to do, or make, or write, and you didn't because you knew there was no way your efforts could compare to someone else's who was better, smarter, more experienced, etc?
can you remember a time you wanted to take a risk, try a new venture, and suddenly your mind was filled with the "what if?" consequences of failure?:
"what if i make all these paintings/jewelry/crocheted scarves and no one buys them?"
or even the more subtle, "i could buy that ten dollar book that would teach me how to market my at-home craft store better, but that's ten dollars that could go to lunch meat and milk."
in the first examples, the doubt is "there's no way i'm as good as those other people." in the other examples, the fear is "what if i go to all that work for nothing?" and "if i buy this, we'll go hungry."
now, when you're standing there at the store, or on that website's capture page staring at the Visa/Mastercard/Paypal click bar, you don't realize that's what you're really thinking. i would even be willing to bet there's less verbalized doubt and fear, and more just pictures in your mind and an emotion gripping you in the gut, am i right?
what about cynicism? "oh yeah, sure. visualization and affirmation is going to make my broke ass a millionaire? uh huh." in this case the cynicism is the disbelief in your source's honesty and opposing belief that they're trying to do nothing but scam you. and possibly coupled with that is the doubt that you're even worthy of being a millionaire.
you've heard the saying, "if it's too good to be true, it probably is."
Dee's Frog Appetizers Du Jour
Seek and You Shall Find
The Magical Mind-Reading Mystic Trick
The anti-Funk Challenge
Positively Playful Prognostication!
Seek and You Shall Find
The Magical Mind-Reading Mystic Trick
The anti-Funk Challenge
Positively Playful Prognostication!
Seek and You Shall Find:
this saying is very, very well known. and it's such a simple saying! however, i'm not surprised that it is also a saying that's so easily misinterpreted or forgotten.
all it means is "If you keep your eyes open for something, you will find it."
Exercise:
think of a car you really like (i love BMW 520's and 300's). go to their website, and check out a few. tinker around with their custom order forms if they have one. (i love those! you can change colors, hubcaps, tint the windows, etc, and the picture changes with your alterations) go nuts and have fun for a few minutes. really think about that car, imagine sitting inside it. feel the steering wheel in your hands, the sound of the motor, the smell of the new-car interior. now, when you go out for the rest of your day, count how many of those cars you see.
do this for one week. record your results. even if all you do is write "saw three more today" on the back of a stained receipt at the bottom of your purse, that's better than nothing.
The Magical Mind-Reading Mystic Trick:
in the Book of Mirdad, it states: "So think as if your every thought were to be etched in fire upon the sky for all and everything to see. For so, in truth, it is."
my teacher once said, "live each moment of your life as if tomorrow you would find it on the front page of the L.A. Times." when i first heard the quote by Michail Naimi, i thought that's what it meant; living as if my every action were exposed, so don't sneak around or lie or do anything to get into trouble.
well...kinda. yes, and no. yes, because one's thoughts and actions truly are visible to everyone. no, as in don't get paranoid about it.
Exercise:
think back to a time when a friend of yours approached you and told you a big piece of news. "my son just got accepted to MIT!" or "my friend's car got wrecked last night by a bunch of teenagers."
in the first example, maybe you thought something along the lines of, "wow! her son must be really smart and study really hard." in the second example, maybe you thought, "stupid kids drinking and driving."
the truth is, you have no idea any details other than what your friend told you. however, because of what happened in their lives, you know something about them. for the friend's son that got accepted to a prestigious school, you know that kid had to study hard for years, and so is probably very disciplined, motivated, doesn't fool around, and is responsible. why? how would you know this? you can see it.
now look at your own life. what do you say about it? "i can barely make ends meet," or "lately i'm just so stressed out all the time," or even "nobody respects me."
what about your life, your thoughts and actions, are etched in fire for the world to see?
The anti-Funk Challenge:
this one's a little more difficult, but i know that all of you, my lovelies, are up to the Challenge.
you know the friend that always breezes into work ten, fifteen minutes late? you know the one. jokes are always made about them, or maybe your manager always grumbles about them. "what are you talking about?" they say, maybe laughing. "ten minutes late is early for me!" or maybe your other co-workers just adjust their day on the assumption that this person will be late.
what does everyone say about them? "they're always late." what does this person say about themselves? "i'm always late to things! i just can't seem to be on time." or maybe what they say is more subtle. something like, "no matter what i do, i always fall behind."
Exercise:
take one day --tomorrow-- and from the time you wake up to the time you close your eyes, pay attention to what you say about yourself. write down those things you say often. it could be, "i'm a fantastic cook," or "god, this place is a mess!" especially write down the things you blurt out with emotion, whether it's frustration, anger, excitement...anything. let's say you spill coffee in your lap in the car in morning traffic because someone cut you off and you had to slam on the brakes.
"dammit!" you growl. "i can't do anything right today!"
for this exercise, just write down those things you tell yourself about yourself throughout the day. i promise you, within minutes you'll be more conscious of what you say...and what you think.
Positively Playful Prognostication:
Abraham Lincoln once said, "Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing." also in line with this saying is another: "the best way to predict your future is to create it."
so...create it. my health guru Dr. Schultze says "Tomorrow is what you believe and do today!"
if you're always telling yourself, "i'll get to it tomorrow," or "someday i'm going to [insert dream scenario here]" then you're cheating yourself. the words "tomorrow" and "someday" convey an idea of the future. but they're just that: an idea, a concept. you can't put your hands on "tomorrow." in fact, there's no guarantee of tomorrow. yesterday is gone forever, and tomorrow is a concept.
all you have is today. all you can put your hands on is here in today. all you can do, you do today...or not at all. what good does it do you to say, "[some time in the future] we'll have more money," or "i'll start writing tomorrow," or "i'll take that class next term," or "i'll buy that tony robbins cd when i have more money?"
what good does it do you if you keep putting it off until "tomorrow?" because tomorrow will never come; it will always be "tomorrow," or "someday" or some other time in the future.
one of the ideas of quantum physics, proven scientific fact, is that at any given moment we are the sum of our past, future, and present all at once.
if you ate that huge plate of spaghetti last night, today you feel kinda heavy, bloated, and a bit more jiggly in the hips or butt. today you feel it. if it's not your habit to exercise, then tomorrow that jiggly is going to still be jiggling on your hips. however, at present you also hold all the potential and possibility for tomorrow. in simple english this means you have the power RIGHT NOW to wake up tomorrow without the jiggly with a little extra water, electrolytes, and a bit of walking today.
tomorrow never comes. all you have is today.
Exercise:
go through your mental list of things you've been putting off. i'm sure there's a long one somewhere inside your brain. take one of those things on your list, dust it off, and state what you want it to look like when it's finished. write it down, but write it in the present tense.
for example, i'm crocheting a poncho right now. i'm only 5 rows in, so it looks nothing like a poncho. but i would say: "I have a soft, gorgeous poncho that looks great and fits me perfectly!"
robert kiyosaki calls it "having your exit strategy." it means holding a picture in your mind of where you want to end up. you can't know how to get somewhere if you have no idea where you're going.
now, have your entry strategy. in my case, having yarn, a crochet hook, a pattern, scissors, and a comfortable place to sit.
now comes the in-between:
what do you need to do daily to complete your dusted-off, poor, neglected project or task?
maybe you have to eat the "Over-Developed Sense of Responsibility Frog" and set aside half an hour every night after dinner in order to get it done, and delegate the dishwashing to someone else. you know, someone else can do the frickin' dishes, for cryin' out loud! or maybe you have to eat the "Avoiding and Procrastinating By Playing Spider Solitaire Frog" and give up trying to beat your high score, and sit down, be alone with yourself, and do it.
you will never finish what you want to finish if you keep putting it off until tomorrow, or next month, or when there's more money, or more time, or anything else.
you will only finish it if you get your froggy little butt in gear and do it today. because today is all you have, and all you will ever have. and if you keep putting it off, you're cheating no one but yourself.
and if, in the back of your mind you know that you really won't ever get to it, not really...then that makes you a lying cheat.
you don't really want to be a lying cheat to yourself, do you?
--------
now, feel free to order any or all of these on the Sampler Platter. this is all about Frog-Eating, after all.
anything you try, keep track for a week either by writing it down --on a sticky note, a journal, your blog, that stained receipt at the bottom of your purse, whatever-- and keep everything you write. next week i'm going to introduce the other half of those exercises.
but choose an exercise, do it for one week, every day. record your experiences, and see how it changes how you see things, how you talk to yourself, how you think.
and above all else...
Eat the Frog!
2.18.2009
brezsny-on-the-blog
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Even when you are not feeling your best, you try hard. You're strong when things are broken. Where there is hurt, you rise up with surprising resilience to provide help and inspiration. If there are people who don't know where they are or where they're going, you are often a beacon of calm. Thank you, my beautiful friend. I applaud your urge to fight for justice not only in service to yourself but also on behalf of others who can't be as composed as you are when things are broken. And I'm happy to inform you that the favors you're doling out now will ultimately be returned in kind when you least expect it.
this warms my heart. no, it really does.
lately i've gotten a lot of signs telling me that i'm on the right track, and a lot of green lights one right after another. so not only am i on the right track, but the universe is making my trip easier and smoother and more streamlined with each passing day.
and then i receive this in my email box.
i've often been told that i'm a beacon of calm when others are losing their heads over things. part of me likes to attribute it to the capricorn in me, but i honestly think it's just the way my brain works. other people are freaking out because the sky is falling, and i'm there going, "okay, get an umbrella. duh."
more and more, i find that when i'm "freaking out" as people say, or getting worried, i'm simply expressing my overwhelm while my brain is working out how to solve it. sometimes situations overwhelm me to the point where all i can feel is the seeming immensity of it.
but that's all it is: seemingly immense. not that it's actually immense.
my mind is just trying to work out a larger-than-usual bite it just took.
i'm strong when things are broken. where there is hurt, i am resilient and inspiring. where there is insecurity, i am bolstering. where there is cynicism, i am shiny and hopeful. mr. brezsny's words remind me of the Prayer of St. Francis, which was my favorite prayer as a child. it was one of my favorite songs to sing at mass, and st. francis was my special saint. i felt a connection to him and his desire to go out and simply help people and connect with them, to extend his empathy and be the moment of support they needed really struck something in me, even as a child.
i love helping people. i just. love. helping people.
and i know mr. brezsny says the favors and kindnesses i'm giving out now will be returned in kind. the universe is forever conspiring to shower me with blessings. however, i just want to put it out there that the joy of truly helping someone, of giving in that special way that i have is the first blessing. that i receive anything for it just means i am doubly blessed. talk about a return on investment. =)
and so i leave you with this meditation. enjoy.
this warms my heart. no, it really does.
lately i've gotten a lot of signs telling me that i'm on the right track, and a lot of green lights one right after another. so not only am i on the right track, but the universe is making my trip easier and smoother and more streamlined with each passing day.
and then i receive this in my email box.
i've often been told that i'm a beacon of calm when others are losing their heads over things. part of me likes to attribute it to the capricorn in me, but i honestly think it's just the way my brain works. other people are freaking out because the sky is falling, and i'm there going, "okay, get an umbrella. duh."
more and more, i find that when i'm "freaking out" as people say, or getting worried, i'm simply expressing my overwhelm while my brain is working out how to solve it. sometimes situations overwhelm me to the point where all i can feel is the seeming immensity of it.
but that's all it is: seemingly immense. not that it's actually immense.
my mind is just trying to work out a larger-than-usual bite it just took.
i'm strong when things are broken. where there is hurt, i am resilient and inspiring. where there is insecurity, i am bolstering. where there is cynicism, i am shiny and hopeful. mr. brezsny's words remind me of the Prayer of St. Francis, which was my favorite prayer as a child. it was one of my favorite songs to sing at mass, and st. francis was my special saint. i felt a connection to him and his desire to go out and simply help people and connect with them, to extend his empathy and be the moment of support they needed really struck something in me, even as a child.
i love helping people. i just. love. helping people.
and i know mr. brezsny says the favors and kindnesses i'm giving out now will be returned in kind. the universe is forever conspiring to shower me with blessings. however, i just want to put it out there that the joy of truly helping someone, of giving in that special way that i have is the first blessing. that i receive anything for it just means i am doubly blessed. talk about a return on investment. =)
and so i leave you with this meditation. enjoy.
2.15.2009
Frog-Eating and You: "Trying" to Eat the Frog
"No! No try. Do. Or do not. There is no 'try.'"
--Yoda, Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
a very good and funky friend of mine texted me tonight with a very alarming lament: her mother has lost her Funk and was spiraling into depression. this concerned me, because i've met her mother and think she's a totally delightful and wonderfully wacky, sparkling woman. i love her to death. so for such a spectacularly funky woman to be caught in the grips of the anti-Funk was dismaying.
of course, being a follower of the Night Mother and long-time servant of the Goddesses of War, Death, and Destruction, i also understand that the anti-Funk is just another one of their tools used for pruning away the excess. it's a little death we suffer, so that we need not suffer the agony of one great, big death at the end.
so, really, nothing's "good" or "bad," even the anti-Funk. our opinions and perspectives assign "good" and "bad."
but there was still the issue of my friend's mother being depressed. i don't like hearing that, and so i offered help in the best way i knew how: Conquering the anti-Funk by Working With It. my friend said to me her mother was fighting her depression, and fighting hard.
Sir Isaac Newton stated that, "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."
so it only stands to reason that the harder she was fighting, the harder the depression was clinging. when a frog pushes down and back with its legs, the frog flies forward and up into the air. it's called "hopping," and frogs do it really well. but for every action (pushing down and back with its legs), there is an equal and opposite reaction (the frog flies forward and up). the harder the frog pushes, the farther it hops.
so my first piece of advice was: "stop fighting."
so here's the first frog:
what bad habit or negative thought/belief is biting you in the ass? if you're constantly strapped for cash and every time you think of bills you get the sensation of having swallowed a rock that's just sinking your gut, maybe your bad habit is a lack of self-control in spending money. or, if you have great spending habits but are always broke...maybe your negative belief is how you view money altogether: you have an "always broke" mentality, a vision of yourself as always being poor, always barely making ends meet. so your thoughts are projecting into your future, and your thoughts are dictating your actions, which then manifest your broke situationa. you say to yourself, "high-paying jobs are hard to find" and then, having made your own broke-colored glasses, you go out into the world and see exactly that: high-paying jobs are hard to find.
et cetera.
so...you gotta find the frog. this one's a teenie li'l bugger. he's been hiding in some tiny little corner of your life, of your brain, and you've been listening to his teenie little chirps and ribbits for so long you don't even hear it anymore. you take him for granted. so you don't know where he lives, or what he looks like.
the good news is that he leaves signs. look for spoor. look for chewed-on food wrappers and holes chewed into cereal boxes. look in places where a frog would love to live and be comfortable. look hard. if your problem is disorganization, is it because you're procrastinating or absent-minded, or something else? what would solve the problem?
listen to the excuses you make to yourself.
in fact, make a list of them. write them out so you can see them with your own eyeballs. those excuses, good as they may seem to you, are the ribbits the frog is making from his hidden little corner, the sneaky bastard.
why do those excuses seem justified? you know they're not true because your life is a mess in that particular area...so why are you holding onto those excuses and believing them? they're not serving you, obviously.
what are the priorities in your life, that this aspect of your life has been tabled to the point where it's disrupting your life and causing you problems? now, a word of caution: answering this question is likely to uncover an entire army* of frogs.
frogs such as selfishness, insecurity, lying to oneself, addiction (and addiction can come in many forms, from substance abuse to the perpetuation of bad relationships), not having your needs met, etc. you might lift up a rock and an entire army of frogs of all colors and sizes just might start hopping everywhere and totally freak you out. it's happened before. so by all means, be careful answering this question, but for your own sake...answer it.
i suggested to my friend her mother stop fighting her depression and anti-Funk, and work with them. in ninjitsu, jujitsu, tai-chi, and many other combat arts, the idea is to utilize your opponent's force to your own advantage. don't fight and meet your opponent head-on, because then you have to contend with the pain of impact from not only the force of your opponent's attack, but added to your own attack as well.instead take their force, add it to your own, and channel them both toward your own aims.
to do this, look at your list of thoughts and excuses. look at your damaging habits and activities. ask yourself how they serve you, and be honest. i bet you'll find that they don't serve you nearly as well as you've led yourself to believe.
the next thing to ask is how you can change the thought to make it constructive. alter a word or two and make a negative statement positive. in some cases, you may have to scrap the entire thought and create something entirely new.
here's a personal example:
i've been a mind-boggling insomniac since i was fifteen years old. for a few years, i was sleeping only on saturdays, and awake the rest of the week straight. a good night was 4 interrupted hours of sleep. and i'm such a light sleeper that i can lie awake in bed for four, five hours before nodding off...only to have the sound of the cat walking on my carpet wake me up. it's an insane way to live, and over fifteen years i've tried everything everyone could think of. nothing helped.
i'd finally just accepted living a live of exhaustion and mild desperation, migraines, lethargy...
i was saying, "i just don't sleep. nothing can help me." and this was my truth. it's gotten in the way of my health (and been very damaging), my sanity (sleep deprivation psychosis is NOT fun), and it's honestly just a really big pain in my butt. and that was my reality.
HOWEVER, i reinforced my reality by brainwashing myself. i stayed up later and later, pushed through those moments when my eyelids would droop, made my roomates paranoid about waking me up. all those years telling myself i could never sleep, how it was impossible for me to fall asleep easily. and it got worse every year, and i said it got worse every year. i told everyone.
i made my reality.
so now my reality is, "Sleep is great! I fall asleep naturally and easily." of course, i don't set myself up for failure. i gave up caffeine, keep myself hydrated, maintain a bedtime, listen to soothing tapes when i lie down. i changed my habits to help midwife this new existence where sleep is easy and natural for me.
so when i suggested working with her mom's depression and transforming her negative thoughts into positive affirmations, my friend told me her mom had "tried" a few of those things, and meditation, among other things.
okay, i have a problem with the word "try." a serious problem. it's one thing to try a new dish; in that case, "try" is another word for "sample," as in tasting a new dish you haven't encountered before. and "trying" a new sport is to test it out, to participate for the first time. but the word "try" as in "make an attempt" is something i have a serious problem with. i don't like it, and here's why.
to illustrate why, i suggested this little exercise to my friend to illuminate the difference between "trying" something and "doing" it. i texted, "'try' to move your toe. don't move it. TRY to move it."
it was one of the lessons illustrated in the book The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right For You. this was one of the definitive books for me in teaching me how to be my own woman and become --as i've mentioned before-- my own funky soulfreak and perfect mate. it was stated in much calmer terms, more straightforward, but it's a fantastic manual for learning how to rock into Oneness with the Funky Jive.
after all...
it's only when we're whole that we know what we have to offer.
(the other book that's a really great, practical guide is an eBook called Dating Without Drama by paige parker)
but back to the point:
i suggested my friend do this little exercise to bring home the difference in "try" vs. "do." one gets something accomplished. the other one is useless, and only exists in the vocabulary of the excuse-makers and fucktards. us of the Funky Wow know (and i know you're funky yourself because you're reading this blog) that Funk is a verb, a whole state of being, and not just an idea.
my friend loved the experiment, by the way.
don't try to eat the frog...
EAT THE FROG!!!
you know you want to.
------
*trivia: the collective noun for a group of frogs is an "army" of frogs. there is also a "chorus" of frogs, but this is exclusive to male frogs singing to attract females. a "knot" is the collective noun for a group of toads.
source: ojohaven.com
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