it's never like in the movies!

oi vey. pregnancy always seems so beautiful and polite with little windows of opportunity for comedy to make a cameo appearance, and everyone's always so helpful and chivalric totally on board.

yeah, pfft! movies and sitcoms can kiss my [bleep!]

no matter how they word it in those pregnancy books (and yes, i bought one this time around), nothing quite describes "discomfort" like the lovely adjectives and phrases that now decorate my midwife's file like "freshly kicked-in-the-crotch feeling" and "itchy, burning nipples. no! not just irritated, but freakin' burning-like-sulfur-rounds-on-a-vampire burning nipples!" or, my particular favorite, "guano loco" (used to describe the state to which so many of these uncomfortable sensations drive me on a daily basis).

i'm juuuuust shy of five months, and i'm finally beginning to show. it's about freakin' time, yet on the other hand even that teenie pulling of gravity on a distending abdomen is making my lower back guano loco.

and i'm so sick of peeing!

i sent a text to my baby daddy (yes, i said it!) earlier tonight stating "the little bundle of chaos apparently thinks post-mealtime is trampoline time. YOUR kid."

him: "aww, takes after me already."

me: *saw my life flash before my eyes*

it's been fun, the last eight weeks or so, playing the "feel the fluttertwitch" game. considering how completely horizontal and still i've been (yay puking! funfunfun!) since way early, i felt the baby way earlier than anyone believed, but it was definitely not my body making some of those twitches. now it's much more noticeable, of course, but i'm finally starting to feel a bit better so i'm able to be up and around a bit (a bit) more, so i'm not noticing them as often. but this kid, omg! this kid is a super bouncy ball and my womb is one of those obnoxious plastic inflatable jumping gyms. especially after i eat.

remember these? kangaroo balls? yeah. i swear, the kid thinks that my bladder is one of them. and has a BLAST with it, apparently.

li'l brat.

can't you tell i'm loving being pregnant? lol in all honesty, i'm incredibly thankful that i'm able to enjoy at least some of being pregnant this time around. i can totally live without the puking, and it can stop at any time now. it totally has my permission. but other than the puking, the dry heaves, the dizziness, the low blood sugar, low blood pressure, and crap endurance, it's not all that bad.

though the term guano loco is still applied liberally every day...