Frog-Eating and You: Clean Your Plate

facing your shadow self.

conquering your fears.

fighting your inner demons.

learning to be a better person.

all of these are different phrases for the same thing: what we here at iGoddess call Frog-Eating. however, i find that the first three examples make this ordeal seem like some huge, abstract, frightening thing. the fourth is too vague.

with "Frog-Eating," there's no ambiguity there. it might not be delicious, but it's definitely nutritious. it's difficult (anyone who says eating a live frog is easy is lying), gross, but doable. it's just a frog. you're bigger than a frog. you can hold a frog in your hand. you have opposable thumbs, so you automatically win.

from an evolutionary standpoint, anyway.

...at least, as long as we're not talking about tasks which include jumping up to 50 times your body length, because a frog's just quite simply got you beat there.


last week iGoddess gave you four items on the Frog-Eating menu, tools to help you Eat the Frog. now, all of those exercises were created to help you learn to eat one particular frog. and if you guessed that the frog was Unconscious Living (or however you phrase a lack of conscious awareness of your thoughts and actions), then you were correct.

all of those exercises had one intention: to help you focus on what you were doing In The Now. to help you step back from yourself --like an objective observer, or an audience to your own life-- and see what the character of You was doing, thinking, saying, and feeling.

the Seek and You Shall Find exercise was designed to bump you off autopilot and put the controls back into your hands so you can pilot your own life. our thoughts are kind of like a radio, and can only be tuned to one frequency at a time. if your frequency is some variation of "life sucks today," then all you will pick up are examples of how life sucks today. that's why the exercise was to tune yourself to see one particular car on the road for a day, a week, whatever. it was to teach you that you can choose what to focus on, at what frequency you truly want to tune into. you can choose, and you can change it at will. so if there's something in your life you don't like, why are you focusing on it??? seek, and you shall find.

the Magical Mind-Reading Mystic Trick exercise was twofold: designed to show you how your thoughts govern your behavior, and that the world judges us on our behavior far more than our words. actions really do speak louder than words. if the universe was created with a Word, then what came first? the Word, or the Thought Behind the Word? because you can't have language without an idea, but you can't convey that thought without language. maybe they are one and the same. humankind can lie. but their actions never lie. and you cannot do something without thinking and believing in it, whether or not that thought, that belief, is conscious. mostly, it's subconscious for the majority of people. actions have consequences, and it is our actions and reactions which shape our lives. so what does the state of our lives, what happens to us, what we earn or don't earn, have or don't have, are or aren't...what does all that say about where our thoughts are?

the Anti-Funk Challenge was designed to help hold a mirror to yourself, to the thoughts and beliefs you direct at yourself. you know the ones: the ones you say to yourself unconsciously, automatically...the ones that are more like programming than real thoughts. and that's exactly what it is: programming. the exercise was to help bring the automatic responses closer to the surface so you could hear for yourself what you say to yourself on a daily basis, even minute-to-minute. did it help you? do you like your programming...or did you find you put yourself down more than anyone else ever could? did you like what you were telling yourself? or did you discover you really want to change what you keep feeding your mind and heart?

and lastly, the Positively Playful Prognostication exercise was a bit of a mutant, but it still was valid. most people, if given a choice, will avoid this exercise like the plague. i finally figured out why, too. people are comfortable in their self-created status quo. they don't like change. and they especially don't like the work involved in changing. it's like suddenly turning a small rudder on a large ship; the ship will turn, but the forces involved in turning that large ship are great indeed, and it will take a while for the ship to even know it's supposed to turn. most people are incapable of maintaining the strength and effort --and discipline-- involved in turning the ship that is their bad habits, laziness, procrastination, et al. and they don't like being shown just how unwilling they are to change, even when faced with undeniable truth of their own responsibility for the state of their lives.

these people are called fucktards.

luckily, the exercise was also designed to show you just how easy it is to build up the strength, momentum, and discipline to change your future by changing your present. and lastly, it was also designed to demonstrate how only a deeply rooted desire not to change is the only thing keeping you from taking your own future and creating it. that's right: you have to want things to stay the same in order to let all those "obstacles" conquer you. that's an ugly fact, and it's a frog most people will flat-out refuse to eat.

only the true, funkalicious FrogMasters ever manage to down that frog. only the masters.

now, i know i promised the other half of the exercises on the Appetizer Sampler Platter. well, here it is, and it's simple.

some of those exercises asked you to write things down. the only one that didn't was the Positively Playful Prognostication (and it's called "playful" because of just how freakin' fun it is once you get the hang of creatively shaping your own future). however, you can write down what you want your future to be. then write down all the obstacles that stand between you and your desired future.

take what you've written, no matter the exercise, and burn it. take a match to it, and watch it go up in flames. fire is cleansing, cauterizing, forging, healing. burn your negativity and scatter the ashes.

then, remembering nature abhors a vacuum, sit down and write something new. if you did the Seek exercise, write down what you want to see in your life, and use all positive language. write it in the present tense, as if you had it right now, at this moment. because when you visualize, you do have it at that moment, so it's accurate and truthful.

if you did the Mystic Trick exercise, describe aspects or characteristics that you'd like to have yourself. for instance, if you want to be punctual, or always honest, or dignified...whatever. just write it down. write, "i am _____!" and then list ways that you think that type of person would behave. write "i do these things," or some version thereof. if you want to be punctual, you'd write, "I am punctual! I leave my house in plenty of time to arrive at work/school/etc. I always have enough time to do the things I need to do. I set my alarm clock when necessary," et cetera.

if you did the Challenge, write new affirmations. if you have a miserable memory and are always losing track of things, write the opposite. "I have a fantastic memory! I remember things quickly and easily." or if you have a case of artists' block, you can write, "my creative thoughts empower me to act and follow through." if you're known for starting projects but not finishing them, you could write something like, "I am focused and motivated. When I dedicate myself to a project, I see it to its completion and am proud of the end result." and so forth.

and if you were brave enough to tackle the Prognostication exercise, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write down the future you see for yourself. get really descriptive. write your "exit strategy," your end result. then right down the action you took immediately prior to achieving your end result. take as much time as you need to write down a backward list of how you achieved that end result, back through time until it leads you to where you are right now, sitting in your chair writing out your future and backwards timeline. then sit back and admire it, because voila! you have just written out your plan to achieve your desired future.

now...i dare you to make it real.

i dare you to make it all real.

show them frogs who's boss!



wishcasting wednesday

the lovely jaime over at starshyne productions has had wishcasting wednesday for a long time, now. i usually forget about it because up until recently, my memory wasn't so hot. but thanks to my affirmations and harnessing what i know about the Law of Attraction, my memory is extensive! i can remember things quickly and easily! (and that, my lovelies, is my memory affirmation!)

so here i am, jumping into wishcasting wednesdays. today the wish is, "to whom do you wish to send some love?"

well, honestly, i wanted to send love to *rf*, who moved out here to get away from a horrible marriage. it turns out he moved here for me, which i told him at the outset was the wrong reason to move. but move he did, and when *ds* and *ks* proved for once and all that they're just incurable fucktards, i realized it was well past time to let them go and leave their poison behind. unfortunately, that also meant leaving *rf*, who blamed me for feeling abandoned. (had he moved for the right reasons, the abandonment wouldn't have been an issue)

of course, that whole story is more centered around the theme of leaving the fucktards out of our lives. i didn't accept blame for things that weren't my responsibility, and because i flat-out refused to accept it, as did i refuse to apologize for certain things i didn't have to (you DO NOT apologize just because someone else apologizes; if you're not wrong, STAND YOUR GROUND!!). so we parted on bad terms.

but i made the choice not to let blossoming fucktard behavior pollute my life anymore, and that meant cutting him off.

but still, i think about him sometimes, and i hope he's getting his head on straight. he deserves it, after the miserable time he had with his wife. bad relationships are poison and should be left behind, period. he had the courage to go, which is more than i can say for another ex-friend of mine.

but still, i am made of love. if i've loved you, then in some chamber of my heart, there is always love for you, small but burning brightly.

i send love out to *rf*. i hope you're really out there, working to improve your life. you deserve nothing less than self-love and all the happiness the universe holds.

a-men. a-woman. ohhhmmm... and hallelujah.


brezsny-on-the-blog, The Delenaissance

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In his book *The Invention of Air,* Steven Johnson says that as coffee drinking came into vogue in the 18th century, it became a driving force in the Age of Enlightenment. Prior to that time, alcohol had been the drink of choice -- more so even than water. As the stimulant replaced the intoxicant, the level of discourse rose dramatically. Creative ideas flourished and new discoveries and inventions proliferated. I bring this up, Capricorn, because I suspect that you're entering your own personal Age of Enlightenment. Imbibing caffeine may not be necessary to fuel it, since cosmic energies will be conspiring to inspire your mental processes.

it would make sense, considering alcohol's a depressant and caffeine's a stimulant, that if coffee came into vogue it would influence an upsurge of creativity. i mean, just think what a zip in your step coffee gives you!

to be honest, i do feel like i've been entering a Delenaissance, my very own Age of Aquarius. and i think my birthday was just the official starting of it, because i've felt this way for a while. it's hard to describe, but just the way the world appears to me is different. people can tell about their problems, and the way i hear the story is different. as is what i think to myself.

there's a lot less, "oh, poor you," and a lot more, "why don't you shut up and solve the problem instead of wasting your energy complaining to me about it?" i'm a lot more judicious as to who i believe deserves my sympathy and help. the gods help those who help themselves. i know this to be true.

in the things i've learned over the years, and especially more recently, the things i hear just make more sense. i've been utterly drowning myself in tony robbins, bob proctor, mike dillard, bill harris, and others...and what they say makes sense. for christmas, i was given the book "happy for no reason" by marci shimoff, and i could have sworn the woman spied on me for the last two years and wrote down everything i did during my evolution into this fantabulous FunkMaster that i am now.

it's really spectacular to look at some of the manuals out there and recognize the mile markers i've already hit.

and i was offered a job from the lovely people at StuckinaRut.com over coffee with the owner and his son a few weeks ago. they recognized that i understood things about personal development the regular person doesn't. they loved my spirit and funky personality. hell, they even loved my email signature: May the Funk be with you! http://lillithdee.blogspot.com. talk about amazing, i thought. here are thunder walkers in the personal development industry, and they've recognized me as one of them.

i'm on the right path, doing the right things, learning and growing. and thunder walkers i look up to and respect turned to me and said, "join us. you have what it takes, and we recognize you."

i can't describe the feeling. i will take them up on their offer, and continue to grow in a completely different league now.

also, more fantastic news, another job i've been interviewing for was offered to me today. i'll be an inspector for Orkin Pest Control. for where i'm headed, i feel the position will teach me a lot about business and sales. it's another step on my path to wealth and financial freedom.

for in this Delenaissance, i understand that all things are possible. as a woman thinketh, so is she. seek, and i shall find. knock, and the door shall be opened unto me. for all these things are possible in the universe, and when i can Be the person i want to be, and Do the things this wealthy and knowledgeable person does, then i will Have the life i want.

may the Funk be with you.


wanna hear the strangest secret in the world?

between everything else that people are doing out there --jamie's 12 Secrets, brandi's joy rebel army, and others-- not to mention catching up on each others' blogs, leaving comments, emailing, going to creative workshops, not to mention keeping up with life outside of blogland, i know people's time is limited.

so i just wanted to post this, and leave it up to everyone else whether or not to listen to it. i promise, it's much more appealing than eating frogs.


speak! the world is listening.

it arrived a tad late, but my li'l bro sent me a webcam for my birthday. of course, the gift was self-serving, as he wanted to be able to talk to me over skype. so the gift was as much for himself as it was for me.

however, you'll not hear me complaining!

so now i have this abso-fraggin-lutely fantabulous Logitech 1.3 megapixel webcam set up on my desk, and Skype is downloaded.

if you don't have it, it's free downloadable VOIP software, and calls made to other Skype users are free. you can even call landlines and cell phones for a modest fee (or pay a monthly fee). it also has text message features, chat, file sharing, and video conferencing.

for the first time in years, i was able to see my li'l bro and talk to him! it was hilariously fun, and the best part is that it's FREE!

i just wanted to post how much fun it is, and to tell everyone to get it if you haven't already. it's so much fun! and great for all those long-distance friends in different time zones, always wondering when someone's free evening or weekend minutes kick in and hoping it won't be too late for whoever you're calling (or if you're the one doing the calling, having to wait until 10pm for those west coast 7pm free evening cell phone minutes to kick in!).

it's fun, it's free. give it a shot!

and if any of you out there ever wanna call me, leave a comment or email me, and i'll send you my Skype username.


Frog-Eating and You: The Savory Appetizer Sampler Platter

one thing I think is kind of funny is that, to help further my Eat the Frog! campaign, I decided to start researching frogs, where they come from, how they live, and what they do.

frogs are really quite fascinating little creatures. and their songs are beautiful.

i've even gotten a few emails about the deliciousness of frog legs. i hear they taste like chicken. kinda...

and people have asked me where that phrase even came from: Eat the Frog! so i did a little digging and found that once upon a time, mark twain once said "if the first thing you do every morning is eat a live frog, you should be able to go through the rest of your day knowing that the worst part of your day is over."

so there you go. we're not talking deep-fried dee-licious frog legs, but a live, wiggling, bulgy-eyed, web-toed frog.

i'm going to assume that unless you're a few species of lizard, snake, or stork, eating a live frog really would be the worst part of your day.

so what are some ways to eat a frog? there are as many ways to Eat the Frog as there are frogs to eat. maybe a better question would be: what are some of the common frogs?

honestly, the largest and most common frogs i see are doubt, fear, and cynicism.

how many times have you said, "how could i possibly do ______?" (fill in the blank with something you knew could improve your life but chose not to do) how often did you look at something you wanted to do, or make, or write, and you didn't because you knew there was no way your efforts could compare to someone else's who was better, smarter, more experienced, etc?

can you remember a time you wanted to take a risk, try a new venture, and suddenly your mind was filled with the "what if?" consequences of failure?:
"what if i make all these paintings/jewelry/crocheted scarves and no one buys them?"
or even the more subtle, "i could buy that ten dollar book that would teach me how to market my at-home craft store better, but that's ten dollars that could go to lunch meat and milk."

in the first examples, the doubt is "there's no way i'm as good as those other people." in the other examples, the fear is "what if i go to all that work for nothing?" and "if i buy this, we'll go hungry."

now, when you're standing there at the store, or on that website's capture page staring at the Visa/Mastercard/Paypal click bar, you don't realize that's what you're really thinking. i would even be willing to bet there's less verbalized doubt and fear, and more just pictures in your mind and an emotion gripping you in the gut, am i right?

what about cynicism? "oh yeah, sure. visualization and affirmation is going to make my broke ass a millionaire? uh huh." in this case the cynicism is the disbelief in your source's honesty and opposing belief that they're trying to do nothing but scam you. and possibly coupled with that is the doubt that you're even worthy of being a millionaire.

you've heard the saying, "if it's too good to be true, it probably is."

Dee's Frog Appetizers Du Jour
Seek and You Shall Find
The Magical Mind-Reading Mystic Trick
The anti-Funk Challenge
Positively Playful Prognostication!

Seek and You Shall Find:
this saying is very, very well known. and it's such a simple saying! however, i'm not surprised that it is also a saying that's so easily misinterpreted or forgotten.

all it means is "If you keep your eyes open for something, you will find it."

think of a car you really like (i love BMW 520's and 300's). go to their website, and check out a few. tinker around with their custom order forms if they have one. (i love those! you can change colors, hubcaps, tint the windows, etc, and the picture changes with your alterations) go nuts and have fun for a few minutes. really think about that car, imagine sitting inside it. feel the steering wheel in your hands, the sound of the motor, the smell of the new-car interior. now, when you go out for the rest of your day, count how many of those cars you see.

do this for one week. record your results. even if all you do is write "saw three more today" on the back of a stained receipt at the bottom of your purse, that's better than nothing.

The Magical Mind-Reading Mystic Trick:
in the Book of Mirdad, it states: "So think as if your every thought were to be etched in fire upon the sky for all and everything to see. For so, in truth, it is."

my teacher once said, "live each moment of your life as if tomorrow you would find it on the front page of the L.A. Times." when i first heard the quote by Michail Naimi, i thought that's what it meant; living as if my every action were exposed, so don't sneak around or lie or do anything to get into trouble.

well...kinda. yes, and no. yes, because one's thoughts and actions truly are visible to everyone. no, as in don't get paranoid about it.

think back to a time when a friend of yours approached you and told you a big piece of news. "my son just got accepted to MIT!" or "my friend's car got wrecked last night by a bunch of teenagers."

in the first example, maybe you thought something along the lines of, "wow! her son must be really smart and study really hard." in the second example, maybe you thought, "stupid kids drinking and driving."

the truth is, you have no idea any details other than what your friend told you. however, because of what happened in their lives, you know something about them. for the friend's son that got accepted to a prestigious school, you know that kid had to study hard for years, and so is probably very disciplined, motivated, doesn't fool around, and is responsible. why? how would you know this? you can see it.

now look at your own life. what do you say about it? "i can barely make ends meet," or "lately i'm just so stressed out all the time," or even "nobody respects me."

what about your life, your thoughts and actions, are etched in fire for the world to see?

The anti-Funk Challenge:
this one's a little more difficult, but i know that all of you, my lovelies, are up to the Challenge.

you know the friend that always breezes into work ten, fifteen minutes late? you know the one. jokes are always made about them, or maybe your manager always grumbles about them. "what are you talking about?" they say, maybe laughing. "ten minutes late is early for me!" or maybe your other co-workers just adjust their day on the assumption that this person will be late.

what does everyone say about them? "they're always late." what does this person say about themselves? "i'm always late to things! i just can't seem to be on time." or maybe what they say is more subtle. something like, "no matter what i do, i always fall behind."

take one day --tomorrow-- and from the time you wake up to the time you close your eyes, pay attention to what you say about yourself. write down those things you say often. it could be, "i'm a fantastic cook," or "god, this place is a mess!" especially write down the things you blurt out with emotion, whether it's frustration, anger, excitement...anything. let's say you spill coffee in your lap in the car in morning traffic because someone cut you off and you had to slam on the brakes.

"dammit!" you growl. "i can't do anything right today!"

for this exercise, just write down those things you tell yourself about yourself throughout the day. i promise you, within minutes you'll be more conscious of what you say...and what you think.

Positively Playful Prognostication:
Abraham Lincoln once said, "Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing." also in line with this saying is another: "the best way to predict your future is to create it."

so...create it. my health guru Dr. Schultze says "Tomorrow is what you believe and do today!"

if you're always telling yourself, "i'll get to it tomorrow," or "someday i'm going to [insert dream scenario here]" then you're cheating yourself. the words "tomorrow" and "someday" convey an idea of the future. but they're just that: an idea, a concept. you can't put your hands on "tomorrow." in fact, there's no guarantee of tomorrow. yesterday is gone forever, and tomorrow is a concept.

all you have is today. all you can put your hands on is here in today. all you can do, you do today...or not at all. what good does it do you to say, "[some time in the future] we'll have more money," or "i'll start writing tomorrow," or "i'll take that class next term," or "i'll buy that tony robbins cd when i have more money?"

what good does it do you if you keep putting it off until "tomorrow?" because tomorrow will never come; it will always be "tomorrow," or "someday" or some other time in the future.

one of the ideas of quantum physics, proven scientific fact, is that at any given moment we are the sum of our past, future, and present all at once.

if you ate that huge plate of spaghetti last night, today you feel kinda heavy, bloated, and a bit more jiggly in the hips or butt. today you feel it. if it's not your habit to exercise, then tomorrow that jiggly is going to still be jiggling on your hips. however, at present you also hold all the potential and possibility for tomorrow. in simple english this means you have the power RIGHT NOW to wake up tomorrow without the jiggly with a little extra water, electrolytes, and a bit of walking today.

tomorrow never comes. all you have is today.

go through your mental list of things you've been putting off. i'm sure there's a long one somewhere inside your brain. take one of those things on your list, dust it off, and state what you want it to look like when it's finished. write it down, but write it in the present tense.

for example, i'm crocheting a poncho right now. i'm only 5 rows in, so it looks nothing like a poncho. but i would say: "I have a soft, gorgeous poncho that looks great and fits me perfectly!"

robert kiyosaki calls it "having your exit strategy." it means holding a picture in your mind of where you want to end up. you can't know how to get somewhere if you have no idea where you're going.

now, have your entry strategy. in my case, having yarn, a crochet hook, a pattern, scissors, and a comfortable place to sit.

now comes the in-between:
what do you need to do daily to complete your dusted-off, poor, neglected project or task?

maybe you have to eat the "Over-Developed Sense of Responsibility Frog" and set aside half an hour every night after dinner in order to get it done, and delegate the dishwashing to someone else. you know, someone else can do the frickin' dishes, for cryin' out loud! or maybe you have to eat the "Avoiding and Procrastinating By Playing Spider Solitaire Frog" and give up trying to beat your high score, and sit down, be alone with yourself, and do it.

you will never finish what you want to finish if you keep putting it off until tomorrow, or next month, or when there's more money, or more time, or anything else.

you will only finish it if you get your froggy little butt in gear and do it today. because today is all you have, and all you will ever have. and if you keep putting it off, you're cheating no one but yourself.

and if, in the back of your mind you know that you really won't ever get to it, not really...then that makes you a lying cheat.

you don't really want to be a lying cheat to yourself, do you?

now, feel free to order any or all of these on the Sampler Platter. this is all about Frog-Eating, after all.

anything you try, keep track for a week either by writing it down --on a sticky note, a journal, your blog, that stained receipt at the bottom of your purse, whatever-- and keep everything you write. next week i'm going to introduce the other half of those exercises.

but choose an exercise, do it for one week, every day. record your experiences, and see how it changes how you see things, how you talk to yourself, how you think.

and above all else...

Eat the Frog!



CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Even when you are not feeling your best, you try hard. You're strong when things are broken. Where there is hurt, you rise up with surprising resilience to provide help and inspiration. If there are people who don't know where they are or where they're going, you are often a beacon of calm. Thank you, my beautiful friend. I applaud your urge to fight for justice not only in service to yourself but also on behalf of others who can't be as composed as you are when things are broken. And I'm happy to inform you that the favors you're doling out now will ultimately be returned in kind when you least expect it.

this warms my heart. no, it really does.

lately i've gotten a lot of signs telling me that i'm on the right track, and a lot of green lights one right after another. so not only am i on the right track, but the universe is making my trip easier and smoother and more streamlined with each passing day.

and then i receive this in my email box.

i've often been told that i'm a beacon of calm when others are losing their heads over things. part of me likes to attribute it to the capricorn in me, but i honestly think it's just the way my brain works. other people are freaking out because the sky is falling, and i'm there going, "okay, get an umbrella. duh."

more and more, i find that when i'm "freaking out" as people say, or getting worried, i'm simply expressing my overwhelm while my brain is working out how to solve it. sometimes situations overwhelm me to the point where all i can feel is the seeming immensity of it.

but that's all it is: seemingly immense. not that it's actually immense.

my mind is just trying to work out a larger-than-usual bite it just took.

i'm strong when things are broken. where there is hurt, i am resilient and inspiring. where there is insecurity, i am bolstering. where there is cynicism, i am shiny and hopeful. mr. brezsny's words remind me of the Prayer of St. Francis, which was my favorite prayer as a child. it was one of my favorite songs to sing at mass, and st. francis was my special saint. i felt a connection to him and his desire to go out and simply help people and connect with them, to extend his empathy and be the moment of support they needed really struck something in me, even as a child.

i love helping people. i just. love. helping people.

and i know mr. brezsny says the favors and kindnesses i'm giving out now will be returned in kind. the universe is forever conspiring to shower me with blessings. however, i just want to put it out there that the joy of truly helping someone, of giving in that special way that i have is the first blessing. that i receive anything for it just means i am doubly blessed. talk about a return on investment. =)

and so i leave you with this meditation. enjoy.


Frog-Eating and You: "Trying" to Eat the Frog

"No! No try. Do. Or do not. There is no 'try.'"
--Yoda, Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

a very good and funky friend of mine texted me tonight with a very alarming lament: her mother has lost her Funk and was spiraling into depression. this concerned me, because i've met her mother and think she's a totally delightful and wonderfully wacky, sparkling woman. i love her to death. so for such a spectacularly funky woman to be caught in the grips of the anti-Funk was dismaying.

of course, being a follower of the Night Mother and long-time servant of the Goddesses of War, Death, and Destruction, i also understand that the anti-Funk is just another one of their tools used for pruning away the excess. it's a little death we suffer, so that we need not suffer the agony of one great, big death at the end.

so, really, nothing's "good" or "bad," even the anti-Funk. our opinions and perspectives assign "good" and "bad."

but there was still the issue of my friend's mother being depressed. i don't like hearing that, and so i offered help in the best way i knew how: Conquering the anti-Funk by Working With It. my friend said to me her mother was fighting her depression, and fighting hard.

Sir Isaac Newton stated that, "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."

so it only stands to reason that the harder she was fighting, the harder the depression was clinging. when a frog pushes down and back with its legs, the frog flies forward and up into the air. it's called "hopping," and frogs do it really well. but for every action (pushing down and back with its legs), there is an equal and opposite reaction (the frog flies forward and up). the harder the frog pushes, the farther it hops.

so my first piece of advice was: "stop fighting."

so here's the first frog:

what bad habit or negative thought/belief is biting you in the ass? if you're constantly strapped for cash and every time you think of bills you get the sensation of having swallowed a rock that's just sinking your gut, maybe your bad habit is a lack of self-control in spending money. or, if you have great spending habits but are always broke...maybe your negative belief is how you view money altogether: you have an "always broke" mentality, a vision of yourself as always being poor, always barely making ends meet. so your thoughts are projecting into your future, and your thoughts are dictating your actions, which then manifest your broke situationa. you say to yourself, "high-paying jobs are hard to find" and then, having made your own broke-colored glasses, you go out into the world and see exactly that: high-paying jobs are hard to find.

et cetera.

so...you gotta find the frog. this one's a teenie li'l bugger. he's been hiding in some tiny little corner of your life, of your brain, and you've been listening to his teenie little chirps and ribbits for so long you don't even hear it anymore. you take him for granted. so you don't know where he lives, or what he looks like.

the good news is that he leaves signs. look for spoor. look for chewed-on food wrappers and holes chewed into cereal boxes. look in places where a frog would love to live and be comfortable. look hard. if your problem is disorganization, is it because you're procrastinating or absent-minded, or something else? what would solve the problem?

listen to the excuses you make to yourself.

in fact, make a list of them. write them out so you can see them with your own eyeballs. those excuses, good as they may seem to you, are the ribbits the frog is making from his hidden little corner, the sneaky bastard.

why do those excuses seem justified? you know they're not true because your life is a mess in that particular area...so why are you holding onto those excuses and believing them? they're not serving you, obviously.

what are the priorities in your life, that this aspect of your life has been tabled to the point where it's disrupting your life and causing you problems? now, a word of caution: answering this question is likely to uncover an entire army* of frogs.

frogs such as selfishness, insecurity, lying to oneself, addiction (and addiction can come in many forms, from substance abuse to the perpetuation of bad relationships), not having your needs met, etc. you might lift up a rock and an entire army of frogs of all colors and sizes just might start hopping everywhere and totally freak you out. it's happened before. so by all means, be careful answering this question, but for your own sake...answer it.

i suggested to my friend her mother stop fighting her depression and anti-Funk, and work with them. in ninjitsu, jujitsu, tai-chi, and many other combat arts, the idea is to utilize your opponent's force to your own advantage. don't fight and meet your opponent head-on, because then you have to contend with the pain of impact from not only the force of your opponent's attack, but added to your own attack as well.

instead take their force, add it to your own, and channel them both toward your own aims.

to do this, look at your list of thoughts and excuses. look at your damaging habits and activities. ask yourself how they serve you, and be honest. i bet you'll find that they don't serve you nearly as well as you've led yourself to believe.

the next thing to ask is how you can change the thought to make it constructive. alter a word or two and make a negative statement positive. in some cases, you may have to scrap the entire thought and create something entirely new.

here's a personal example:

i've been a mind-boggling insomniac since i was fifteen years old. for a few years, i was sleeping only on saturdays, and awake the rest of the week straight. a good night was 4 interrupted hours of sleep. and i'm such a light sleeper that i can lie awake in bed for four, five hours before nodding off...only to have the sound of the cat walking on my carpet wake me up. it's an insane way to live, and over fifteen years i've tried everything everyone could think of. nothing helped.

i'd finally just accepted living a live of exhaustion and mild desperation, migraines, lethargy...

i was saying, "i just don't sleep. nothing can help me." and this was my truth. it's gotten in the way of my health (and been very damaging), my sanity (sleep deprivation psychosis is NOT fun), and it's honestly just a really big pain in my butt. and that was my reality.

HOWEVER, i reinforced my reality by brainwashing myself. i stayed up later and later, pushed through those moments when my eyelids would droop, made my roomates paranoid about waking me up. all those years telling myself i could never sleep, how it was impossible for me to fall asleep easily. and it got worse every year, and i said it got worse every year. i told everyone.

i made my reality.

so now my reality is, "Sleep is great! I fall asleep naturally and easily." of course, i don't set myself up for failure. i gave up caffeine, keep myself hydrated, maintain a bedtime, listen to soothing tapes when i lie down. i changed my habits to help midwife this new existence where sleep is easy and natural for me.

so when i suggested working with her mom's depression and transforming her negative thoughts into positive affirmations, my friend told me her mom had "tried" a few of those things, and meditation, among other things.

okay, i have a problem with the word "try." a serious problem. it's one thing to try a new dish; in that case, "try" is another word for "sample," as in tasting a new dish you haven't encountered before. and "trying" a new sport is to test it out, to participate for the first time. but the word "try" as in "make an attempt" is something i have a serious problem with. i don't like it, and here's why.

to illustrate why, i suggested this little exercise to my friend to illuminate the difference between "trying" something and "doing" it. i texted, "'try' to move your toe. don't move it. TRY to move it."

it was one of the lessons illustrated in the book The Surrendered Single: A Practical Guide to Attracting and Marrying the Man Who's Right For You. this was one of the definitive books for me in teaching me how to be my own woman and become --as i've mentioned before-- my own funky soulfreak and perfect mate. it was stated in much calmer terms, more straightforward, but it's a fantastic manual for learning how to rock into Oneness with the Funky Jive.

after all...

it's only when we're whole that we know what we have to offer.

(the other book that's a really great, practical guide is an eBook called Dating Without Drama by paige parker)

but back to the point:
i suggested my friend do this little exercise to bring home the difference in "try" vs. "do." one gets something accomplished. the other one is useless, and only exists in the vocabulary of the excuse-makers and fucktards. us of the Funky Wow know (and i know you're funky yourself because you're reading this blog) that Funk is a verb, a whole state of being, and not just an idea.

my friend loved the experiment, by the way.

don't try to eat the frog...


you know you want to.

*trivia: the collective noun for a group of frogs is an "army" of frogs. there is also a "chorus" of frogs, but this is exclusive to male frogs singing to attract females. a "knot" is the collective noun for a group of toads.
source: ojohaven.com


Frog-Eating and You: Eating Frogs for Fun and Profit

i just read the most interesting line just now. like, just now, and so i had to share it.

i just received mark joyner's book the irresistible offer and was reading a special "letter to the customer" type thing that you commonly get when you purchase things through ClickBank. i like ClickBank. they're good people.

anyway, mark's talking about how less than 1% of people who purchase books on improving their business ever read the book, utilize the information, and utilize it properly. those odds, quite frankly, suck. he goes on to say something that many people in the business industry know: the profitable and successful people are the people who do what no one else is willing to do.

well, um...duh.

mr. joyer says, "...it's called 'frog eating,' and if you're the one who will eat the frog, you will be assured a lucrative income anywhere in the world for the rest of your life."

the same is true for personal development, improving your life, taking charge of who you are and who you will be, what you want and what you have. those people who are willing to do what less than 1% of the crowd is willing to do are the ones who walk around in a constant state of peace and happiness that can never be touched by outside influences. they're happy from the inside, and their lives reflect that intangible "Something" they know that no one else can even understand.


they ate the frog.

now, everyone hears this, and because they understand english i know they comprehend the words i'm saying. but understanding is a totally different animal, and people forget this. why?

"because frogs taste like crap, delena!" you say.

well, yeah. but the people who have learned to like the taste of frogs find frog eating to be quite a fun and enjoyable pasttime. they make it more than a hobby, or a sport. they hold seminars on such things as:

Eating Frogs for Fun and Profit

Little-Known Secrets of Better Frog-Eating

Frogs the Whole Family Can Enjoy!

Frogs on the Go: Tips and Tricks to Fit Frogs Into Your Busy Schedule

You've Mastered the Green Frog, Now What? (Tree Frogs, Poison Dart Frogs, and Other Types for the Adventurous FrogMasters)

et cetera.

frog-eaters form MeetUps and groups on Facebook. they coordinate with other frog-eaters and form blogrolls, have annual workshops or bi-weekly frog tasting parties. they love eating frogs! even the poisonous ones.

especially the poisonous ones.

why? well, allow me to share with you a little-known secret. have you read Dune? remember the bene jesserit sisters, masters of the Weirding Way, able to move as a blur, use the Voice to command...and able to swallow poison and change it in their bodies to neutralize it or turn it into something beneficial to them.

master frog-eaters know this technique, so those things that people say are "too hard," or they "could never do that!" or it's "too painful," or my favorite: "it's all right for you, but that's just not something the rest of us can do," are easy-peasy for FrogMasters.

well ain't that just a big, fat pile of steaming bovine bollwocky!

well...yes and no.

anyone can learn to eat frogs, and whether it becomes a favorite activity and they love the taste, or if it's something they grimace and do while chewing really fast (and washing it down with a ton of water) is completely up to the person. but frog is definitely an acquired taste.

frogs like "facing fear," and frogs like "looking in the mirror and meeting your own eyes."

frogs like "being completely honest with yourself," and even frogs like "cleaning out the bad habits and friends in your life."

those are some tough frogs to chew, and even tougher to swallow. and the frogs like "facing fear" look like poison dart frogs to the common masses: especially horrible and to be avoided at all costs. "OH NO!!" people shout. "call poison control! call 911!! delena's just poisoned herself!"

"no i didn't," i say, and keep on popping those poison frogs like appetizers.

...so what frogs have you eaten lately? how'd they taste? but even more importantly, what were the health benefits afterward? how did eating that frog change your life for the better? and looking back, with those amazing benefits frog-eating gave you, wasn't eating that frog just totally, whacked-out crazy FUN??!?

and if you haven't eaten the frog yet...what are you waiting for?


...eat the frog.

you know you want to



funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals

i thought, in light of how once upon a time all the king's doctors and all the king's men thought delena was bipolar...

y'know, for a laugh. =)


delena haiku

new beginnings are
within reach for all of us.
carpe somnium!*

credendo vides!
the cry is music; soulspeak...
something we all hear.

what is it you want?
people just really want life,
vitality, hope.

what is it you want?
people just really want love.
they want to be loved.

can you tell me now:
who are you? can you tell me?
do you really know?

the secret is out;
hey, by believing, one sees.
you can see it all.

it only takes faith.
faith precedes the miracle.
just open your eyes.

carpe somnium!*
faith in life, and love, and self.
you can make things new.

"people just really want life and love"

carpe somnium: *sieze the dream

...but einstein said it...

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds..."

see? one of the greatest minds of the 20th century, and of human history, and he says the same thing i do! he just puts it way more politely. i put it more succinctly. less flowery, perhaps, but succinct:

doing the right thing is only difficult when you're surrounded by fucktards.

oh yeah. me 'n albert, we go way back. high five, al. high five.


the winner's circle

in the last few days, i've received two awards for this blog. life's been kinda crazy-hectic what with school application requirements and job hunting going on (more on that later), and then everyone in my house came down with something at the same time so i've been feeling really wiped out.

so i decided to post my awards today and let the feelings of joy, specialness, and appreciation lift my spirits a little. then i'm gonna go back downstairs and make myself something hot and soupy, curl up on the futon, and watch more Babylon 5.

so the inspirational and uplifting gypsy over at the Creative Soul Explosion (her blog is so aptly named, i totally adore it!) flew over iGoddess and sprinkled it with happiness, zest, and this lovely award of note:

isn't it so pretty! thank you, gypsy! *hugs* and so, along with this art award, i must name 7 things i love, and pass the award on.

i love...

  • curling up with my rumbles on the couch, snuggling beneath a thick blanket, and taking an afternoon nap
  • the feeling i get after finishing a crochet piece. it seems kinda silly to feel so much pride, wonder, and accomplishment over a scarf, or an afghan, but i've always admired aritsts and composers who could think of something, see it in their minds, and then manifest it beautifully. writing is a type of art, i know...but they're just words. something about crochet is different because i can put my hands on it, feel the textures and admire the colors, and say, "i made this!"
  • my family. what can i say about them that hasn't already been said? my possibilities for growth are infinite because my family feeds my soul.
  • everything about the blog: i love my blog, from Haven to Musings to iGoddess, for giving me a magic mirror through which i could see my true face and learn to love it; for the friends i've met through my blog, and how much connection and laughter we've given each other; for the iVillage, all of us who gather together and support one another, cheer each other on, lend support and encouragement when things aren't so easy, and the sense of female connection and belonging.
  • i love food. omg, i love food. i love cooking it, arranging it, smelling it, eating it, and sharing it. i love gathering around the table at my parents' house, toasting our health and life, and feeling safe and warm and loved there in the center of everything.
  • my hatchling. this one's a given.
  • my life, quite honestly. i love everything about it and everything in it. i love how it's turned out, and i love where it's heading. i love who i am, and the people who surround me. i love my life!


and the lovely and divinely inspired genie sea over at Reality Insanity honored iGoddess with the Lemonade award! i love it! so now iGoddess has a little lemonade stand so you can come over, help yourself to some refreshing, crisp, and sweet lemonade while you peruse the "rockalicious funkadelity" (to use genie sea's words, which ROCK!)

she also said that i'll "shazam" you. i almost keeled over, i love it! woo! iGoddess will shazam you with bootylicious jiggyfunk! *falls into a heap of giggles* omg, that's funktastic.

so now i must tag nine people who's blog i think needs a lemonade stand up at their blogs. plus i need to tag seven people to bestow the art award.

as well as the universe works, secretly conspiring to shower blessings on everyone, i am very happy to say that almost everyone i would tag has already received both these awards.

however, i do want to make special note for jane over at her painted house. she totally deserves the art award more than anyone else i know. she's got this gorgeous eye for photography: for fun, funky, impromptu, and real pictures. she doesn't give us "perfect" photos of stilted, photographic art so much as she uses the camera to open up a window for us so she can show us a real slice of her life. and her life is beautiful. her life is art. she's living it! and she's a work of art. it's a magic she has with the camera. not to mention the magic in her hands to make gorgeous aprons, beaded jewelry (that i lovelovelove and want money to buy them!), and frames, and journals, and all that lovely, lovely food she always takes pictures of which always makes the painted house an interactive blog because i see those pictures and my stomach growls. hell, it's growling right now just thinking about it!

thanks, jane! now i have to go downstairs and scrounge. =P it's all your fault.

may the Funk be with you!


CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You may find it hard to believe that imprecise language could undermine your ability to merge with your heart's desire. But it's true. Your biggest wish may never be fully granted as long as you're lazy or sloppy about how you articulate it. Try this:
Write down a brief statement that crisply sums up the one experience you want more than anything else in life. Preface it with this assertion: "I am doing everything possible to accomplish the following goal." Memorize this magic formula and repeat it twice a day until your wish is fulfilled, even if that takes ten years. P.S. It will work best if you don't include anything about how certain people need to change in order for your longing to be fulfilled.

these things tend to get easier, i think, once i stop fighting myself. in fact, reading this week's horoscope from my dear mr. brezsny helped me to realize just how blessed i really am. the universe really is conspiring as hard as it can to shower me with blessings.

i actually sat here and spent days considering what it is i really wanted. but there's just so much i want, so much that inspires me, so many dreams i have!

there was a day once upon a time when you could ask me, "how are you today?" and i would panic because i didn't have an answer for you. i honestly didn't know. and if i couldn't even tell you how i was that day, how could i tell you what i wanted? surely i'd have answered, "i don't know. i don't want anything."

my mind is so free, so open, that when i'm asked, "what is the one experience you want more than anything else in life?" my response is: "well, there's just so much out there!" although if i had to sum it up, i'd have to say:

"i want a beautiful home that inspires me to be happy, with my loving husband and healthy, wonderful child/ren sharing that beauty and happiness with me."

yes, Universe, this is what i want most. and i assure you...

...i am doing everything possible to accomplish this goal.



we'll return to our regularly scheduled Funk, but first some brief announcements.

i wanted to thank everyone who's been leaving comments the last few posts. it's really meant a lot to me, and shown me in fantastic detail just how firmly on the right track i really am. it's always said that when you finally come into true alignment with yourself, when you resound with honesty and true harmony, you'll ring out like a crystal glass when you glide your finger along its lip. every part of you will sing, and it will grow louder by virtue of its genuine-ness, and people will stop to listen...and then those around you of the same frequency will begin to ring out in chorus.

the readers of iGoddess, who understand what Brezsny calls "Pronoia" and what i call your "inner Funk," are the chorus. you are my chorus, my beacon, my integrity check and my point of reference. yes, i'm on the right track. thank you for helping to show this to me.

and along my creativity, i've made something. all by myself! true, it's simple, but i finished crocheting a soft, grey wool blanket. it still needs edging, and fringe, but construction is complete! and i've begun a scarf with yarn almost as soft as rabbit fur. it's tough as hell to work with, not as straightforward as the wool i was working with. and the pattern is one i just came up with, experimented with the stitch count, and...it's working, but because i can't really find individual stitches, it looks a little like...well... to be honest, it looks like a beginner's piece. of course, i am a beginner, but i'm also really proud that even two rows into it, the pattern was clearly visible. loooong fringe is gonna go on that scarf when it's done, and i plan to wear it to school.

i've been having a blast crocheting. it's a homely activity, and that suits me just fine. not to mention i'm making useful things, pretty things, and there's a certain satisfaction that comes of being able to look at something and say, "i made that."

my household --*cc* my sister, *mj* my bro-in-law, and now our newest addition *ll* our "little brother"-- has started up our old LARP troupe. that's Live-Action Role Play for you non-gamers out there. and since we learned our lessons last time, we're being a little more choosy about who gets to play with us. we have a strict "no fucktards allowed" policy, since we're all highly allergic. and it's been a blast. the last three days we've been conniving and plotting every minute we could get our heads together. it's fun to be able to create a story with others in some medium other than movies or books.

with movies, you sit and watch. while this is engaging in its own way, sometimes my butt just gets sore from sitting so long. and reading is marvelous...but i still don't have reading glasses yet and the migraines are terrible, and sometimes sitting alone gets boring. writing is its own set of challenges and, while i still am dedicated to the Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, again...it's a solitary pasttime. being able to get with others and actively create a great story, to dress as our characters and be them for a night, to be part of the action, is refreshing. not to mention great for having to think on your feet.

even adults need to "play pretend" once in a while. it's a great world, a wonderful backdrop, and an engaging story. we're having so much fun, laughing, and drinking much wine. i always am reminded of *cc*'s toast on my birthday: "to a new year, to being with family where you belong..." and she's right.

i look around me, smiling and contented, and i think to myself, "here's to family, indeed."


fucktards hate me. this is good.

you know how there are the fabled "signs of the apocalypse," and the minute people start hearing about more natural disasters, the failing economy, and paris hilton, the more they start talking about another sign the world is ending?

or the sign of buried treasure? who hasn't heard "X marks the spot?"

you read traffic signs to let you know how close you are to your destination, and where you have to go.

well, i just received another very clear sign that i'm headed in the right direction, and that i'm living my life according to solid principles of a high enough caliber that i'm beginning to seriously become distinctive and separate of the unwashed masses:

fucktards hate me.

did you know that donald trump is hated just as much as he is loved and respected? and yes, i'm comparing myself to The Donald, but only in the sense that the people who love and respect me understand me, while the enmity and badmouthing i receive comes from the fucktards who only reveal the true depth of their own vapid, uneducated, cowardly, weak, and small selves the more they focus all that negative energy on someone clearly more promising than they are.

the enmity of fucktards has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with them. the more they open their mouths, the clearer the picture they paint revealing how much they suck. they will never understand the good i do, never come close to the challenges i face daily as i hold myself to integrity and honesty.

it's difficult to do. but worth every second. just take a look at my life and what i have to show for it. do i have a failing marriage, or thriving relationships? do i have drama and angst, or clarity and room to grow? do i have stagnation, or am i going forward in my education and career? the people who are close to my daily life...what do they have to say about me? what kinds of people are they? i can guarantee they're professional, educated, strong, and know who they are.

those are the kinds of people i have backing me. fucktards are who i have sending nasty emails. who would you tend to believe? and why?

character and reputation are valuable, no doubt. but quality of that reputation and the people voicing such opinions, are just as weighty. i'd rather have one solid reference than a thousand weak ones. not all opinions are created equal.

i only hope that i can be a solid example that it can be done. yes, it's difficult, and scary, and can leave you crying alone in your bed at night sometimes. that's just the process of separating the wheat from the chaff. and believe me, there's lots of chaff out there. but i'm slowly beginning to learn that just because i could do it doesn't mean everyone can, like i used to believe.

but i still invite everyone who wants to come with me...to come with me. i can help. i can teach. i can laugh and cry and hug and support and encourage. i can brainstorm challenges. i can hold up a mirror, and while i might show you things you didn't want to see about yourself, i promise i'm even better at showing you inner wonderfulness you never knew you had.

i'm not trying to say i'm a guru, or set myself up as a leader. i'm simply holding out my hand as i walk down a fantastic and promising, magical and rewarding path and inviting people to walk it beside me. we can teach each other. we can grow. we can Become in ways we couldn't even dream of before now.

i'm holding out my hand. who wants to walk with me?