chaos, caliber, contention, and compassion

Not posting drama for all to see. Just expressing my sorrow as yet again education and self-actualization separates me from yet more people I love and contention builds in my home. Belief systems are what they are, and like attracts like. The real challenge comes when you change and someone doesn't, and the blindness of others causes grief. Then again, I was never very good at agreeing to disagree. Selfishness and egotism are two things I do not tolerate well, either, nor do I allow myself to be mowed over. Not willing to write this person out of my life, however, which is my SOP normally. Don't know how else to handle it, though. I'm pretty hot-headed myself.

All I know is that where I want to take my education and succeed, and help another succeed, someone else's lack of education and ego is creating a quagmire of ill will.

...I'm getting a lot of practice separating business from personal. A lot.


AHA! Moment: "And I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing"

y'know, lately i've felt really horrible about missing out on all the wonderlicious stuff happening in our little iVillage.

though, i think with how often i've not been posting, i might've been relegated to the outskirts of town, over by the dirt road, in our iVillage, out by no one, lol.

sorry, ladies. i truly am. i miss all of you, and whole days go by where one of the few thoughts in the forefront of my mind is how to convey that since, y'know, we all only really know each other online. and life is, well, Life. we're out there living it every day and coming home to our blog is for most of us a haven of sorts, where we can be alone with our thoughts and have the time to validate ourselves as women.

i know that's what it was for me. my blog has always been a place where i could toss up my thoughts --like paint splatter on a wall-- and just look at it from a more removed location than the overwhelmed tangle it was in my head. it was also my introspective home; i live in my head a lot. i mean, who doesn't? but for me, my inner life is actually more real than the physical life i have.

don't know a lot of people who can honestly say that. i mean, what an egotistical, scary-hermit-like thing to say. then again, some would say what an existential thing to say. so i suppose it's all how you look at it. but really, for me, for years...my thoughts were more to me than the actual physical experiences of my daily life.

now it's just the opposite. it's the ebb and flow of life. something in me shifted, i think, and suddenly i was ready to take all that i'd processed in my head and heart, and go make things happen. and i did. and i am. and now life is so much fun that, for the most part, i don't want to miss it by sitting down at my computer and living online.

there's not much that i have to think about right now. i put the important things together, found where i was out of alignment and put myself back into alignment, and finally learned how to say, "screw what anyone else wants, this life is mine." ...but in a good way.

because i finally realized what it was i wanted. and i'm going out and getting it. i'm kicking ass and taking names, building bigger plans and watching them begin to unfold.


...i just don't have the time or --if i'm honest, the desire-- to live online and blog like mad like i used to. my life rocks, honestly. really, truly rocks. and with what i'm building, it's gonna rock even harder here shortly. but i don't want to give anything away, or speak too soon. i just want to keep my momentum.

but i miss my iVillage. just wanted to mention that.