Here
In what had for years been my safe space. Naturally I felt unsafe, and immediately shut this place down. I tried to come back, made a few attempts because I need this space. I needed the solace and expression iGoddess had always given me. But it never felt safe again. Talking so candidly about my thoughts and experiences felt like an invitation for a garbage human to use my own words to try (again) to rip her out of my arms and take her away.
It took years but I finally fixed that problem. Little Owl's been adopted by someone else, parental rights for sperm donor have been legally and irrevocably revoked, and she's finally safe.
But *I* still didn't feel safe. And I thought it's been so long, why would anyone still give a shit?
Well, I give a shit. And I need this place. This space where I can be and say and do as freely as I need.
Pathetic as it might sound, this is the only place on the planet I have where I can be unabashedly, unabridged, unmasked me. No exceptions. Everywhere else (yes, everywhere) I have been punished into putting the mask back on. Invalidated. Shown that I am the exception to the song people sing of acceptance and inclusivity, of neurodivergent safety.
It's kind of the story of my life, tho. The only place I'm 100% accepted is a place I built and a place only I go.
But whatever.
I need this place. I'll be taking it to some ugly places. But then, I'm in some ugly places. There is no more funk. There is no more Jiggy Snake. There are only ashes, and that's all I am ever permitted to eat. So many wonderful, beautiful, enchanting things in the world, but their magic is only accessed in the sharing. And no one wants to share what I find.
Fine.
At least I can get this all out of my heart before...well, before.
