....out of the corner of my eye.
i turned to look, but it was gone.
i cannot put my finger on it now.
that's kind of where i think the Funk is. it's so far gone right now.
you know how our thoughts become our reality, right? well, today is the first bit of real proof that i've headed to a very not-good place and it's starting to manifest in my daily life. it might seem small, locking my keys in my work truck, but now i'm late for an appointment. the locksmith is going to set me back about sixty dollars, after already being set back $400 this month due to a dead computer and a cell phone plan that couldn't keep up with my job. the speakers on the Funkmobile died a few days ago, i just can't kick this bronchitis (still!), and i'm behind on paperwork for work again.
little things are starting to fall apart on me, and i know half of it is because i'm not in the right headspace. but i don't know how to get out of it. there's so much going on around me. and while the majority of it is work-related, i feel so overwhelmed right now that any new information is just making me break down. the smallest stress now is causing me to overload and have panic attacks. ...like last night. and it happened in front of my best friend. if it had to be anyone, i'm glad it was her. but still. i hate that it was in front of anyone. i hate that i had one at all. i should have more control over myself, and should have shoved it down.
but speaking of shoving things down...you ever have an overfull suitcase that just will not shut no matter how much you sit on it? yeah. there's no more room.
as for priorities? work, school, family, and something else i'm not ready to mention here. they're all priorities, and they're all important, and they all deserve as much time as i can give them. everything else has already been dropped. if i drop any more, i cross the line into the disappointing-the-people-who-love-me territory.
i cannot and will not do that. fuck, i don't know what to do anymore.