well, you won't find that here.
my last entry posted something about how my life was going so well that i really didn't see the need to sit down and wax fantastic about how awesome my life is. there was gratitude daily and positivity and creativity and all these -itys, and abundance and the affirmation of family.
but...i miss me.
and...i miss my iVillage. i miss the company of women and the brainstorming and language that's so uniquely female.
i can laugh about it now, but dear gods, did it really take until 30 to realize that i need to be a woman?
it's not so much that there's a ton going on, or that i'm overwhelmed, or that things have totally gone downhill and i'm just here to rant or vent or what-have-you. i'm actually just here because i once again feel like i have no one to talk to...and i just have a lot to get off my chest. so i'm here to toss it all on the blog. everyone's busy, everyone's loud. i hate having to shout down everyone in the room just so i can get in a fucking sentence without being totally bowled over. i hate being interrupted, having my topic of conversation totally taken away from me. i hate talking to someone but feeling like i might as well be in an empty room.
i'm wondering where my power went. i certainly know where my energy went, and it takes a lot of mental and physical energy to make myself heard in a room full of people who aren't listening so much as waiting for their turn to speak.
if this is the only place where i can actually feel heard, then so be it. i've tried to be something i'm not for most of my life, and i simply don't play that game anymore. so i'm not even going to bother. i'm a quiet soul, actually. if people are too busy, or too loud, or too preoccupied with trying to dominate a room, then they're not worth hearing what i have to say. they don't have to.
i just really need to be heard. but i need space where i can talk. this seems to be the only place i have.
and considering i've got a baby on the way (*grin*), i've got a lot on my mind.