things that make you go "hmm..."

quick note, just an observation i made:

talking with single-mom friends of mine, i noticed that they and their children fell into one of two categories: 1.) well-adjusted and happy, or 2.) maladjusted and in desperate need of therapy.

now, bear with me, this is just an observation that i made among my own friends, so it's by no means any sort of official or scientific. it was, quite simply, a thing that made me go "hmm..."

those friends of mine who fell into category 2 were, blessedly, the very small minority. what their single motherhood all had in common was a very young age (20 years old or younger), and single motherhood was thrust upon them by circumstances beyond their control. in some way or another, the father left them and they had no choice but to raise their kid(s) alone. they felt abandoned and sad, afraid and confused and very alone.

in category 1 are the moms who were more in my age group (30-33), except for one who was in her early 20's when entering single motherhood.

however, where category 1 differs is in the simple fact that they chose to be single mothers. for whatever reason, the father/sperm donor was severely lacking to the point where these extraordinary women made the decision not to include these males in their children's lives despite the traditional view that "no matter what, a child needs both parents!" yeah, no matter what, indeed.

these women turned their noses up at that and said, "Eff that! One responsible and mature, emotionally/mentally healthy parent is better than a dysfunctional pair!" and chose their path with courage and decisive action. their children lack for nothing in the grand scheme of things, are happy, love their mothers, and no one that i can see needs any therapy.

coincidence? honestly, i think not.


Jane said...

I've been thinking of you lately and hoping that you're feeling well. I've been on several sides of parenting. When I was married to my first husband (and father of my kids)it was a horrible, dysfunctional marriage. That is not a good family structure for any child. Then I was a single parent for a few years. It was not easy but it was so much better than where I was. One of biggest things that got me through single motherhood was a small core group of very good friends and my parents. You just have no idea how much that helps. I only had about 3 people to lean on but that was all I needed. Then I got remarried and now parenting is better than anything I could imagine. You will be a divalicious kick-ass mother with or without a partner/spouse. I can't wait to greet your little wonder :))

Jane said...

Just coming back to say that single mothers are some of the most interesting and strongest women I've ever met. I started to come alive when I was on my own.