saturation point

i'm tired.

just.

so.

tired.

we're talking the pick-a-fight-in-the-car-flash-point-moody tired. there's been getting up shortly after 5 to get to work on time, to sit in front of a computer or tv studying for eight hours straight, which is so boring and mentally taxing to be absorbing so much info with no other stimulus that i keep passing out at work. then it's run to class on the other side of town outside portland (which takes maybe 40 mins, or an hour and a half depending on traffic), to either get a few bits of homework done before class...or run in breathless already late. then i catch what usually amounts to breakfast at 8:30pm, home to take a shower, and usually *d* comes over to hang out with me a while and make sure i get to sleep.

i fall asleep well, if late, and wake up happy in his arms. i have appointments and workshops on the weekends, real estate or other meetings/get-togethers during the week, school in the evenings, freak out about homework somewhere in there, never see my family (i'm the first out the door, last in), catch a shower every other day (when i'm lucky), and sometimes just opt to pass out rather than get a shower.

my room's a horrendous mess, and don't even ask me about the state of my car. i absolutely love my job, my co-workers, and my company. i love how i'm going to be helping so many people, with a company that still believes in integrity.

integrity is still huge with me.

i'm just tired. tonight is the first free night i've had in weeks, and i'm leaving a friend high and dry on her birthday just so i can stay in, answer email, blog, and unwind. i feel horrible. she came to my wonderful Rocky Horror Costume Party on my birthday.

but i've been sitting here in my fuzzy pink robe, just stopping to feel the fabric. i haven't stopped to feel much lately. too busy. too focused. too tired. i want to take a hot shower, and curl up in my bed and watch Babylon 5, not answer my phone, not do anything.

in the meantime my room needs cleaning, my car needs cleaning out, that cloak for *cc* needs crocheting, homework needs to be done, my bathroom needs scrubbing... all these things are screaming at me, and i feel wretched for wanting to cry mercy.

but if i don't, i'm gonna pop a blood vessel.

here's to taking time, listening to our bodies, and just being in the quiet.

here...

...now...

...quiet.