in a nutshell

you know those days where there's so much going on around you at once that you really can only hope to catch what's right in front of you?

...yeah, it's kinda like that.

not that i'm complaining. not by a long shot. if anything, i created all of this wonderful, crazy chaos around me. for the longest, End of March loomed before me as this gargantuan tidal wave curling in white-capped inevitability over me. ever closer, ever more encompassing.

last time, i'd mentioned the new job beginning. it's going really well, even after catching a lovely cold immediately before starting. yeah, that was a fun kick in the head. seriously, i'm meeting some really fun and nice people, learning a lot, and getting to know my way around the portland metro on a whole new scale. it's kinda neat.

there's also been my real estate group, which meets fairly often. we get together to discuss ROTH IRA's, tax liens, purchasing notes, and buying 100 houses in a year. i used to think that stuff was boring. wall street week was on the television a lot growing up, and i avoided anything remotely related to it like the plague. but now i'm learning a ton, and it's just so dang fascinating! learning how to manipulate the solid concept of money is pretty damn neat-o, seeing how all the pieces can come together, all the myriad ways i'm going to turn that knowledge into freedom, power, and money is an incredible rush.

i see now how i can quite literally pick and choose the path i'm going to take to be financially independent. and even now i'm seeing this ability manifesting. it's caused another small-yet-radical shift in my thinking. opportunities, probabilities, consequences, and my own abilities are shining like never before.

hence my comment earlier about how i create all in my life. there've been a few social functions and have met a lot of new people. in particular, i met someone new through an old friend of mine. of course, knowing i'm single, he all but set me up...the bugger.

...but i'm not complaining. *grin* actually, i find the whole thing rather cute. every available moment, we're together. after *m*, i gave up acknowledging my need for lots of touching.

there's something about being looked in the eye and told all those things i hold close to my heart that's...refreshing. someone's paying attention. i'm not all that difficult to read or understand.

spring term began today. and even still, i'm slightly apprehensive. i haven't set foot in a classroom in a decade. also, i'm my head i'm already feeling the time crunch. occasionally i've caught myself wondering if i've bitten off far more than i could chew, but i always end up asking when haven't i bitten off more than i could chew? and suddenly everything's okay again. nothing to do but forge ahead, and so i do. how often have i backed down from anything?

speaking of backing down...

recently i've gone through another series of character challenges, learning things about myself and being shown without doubt that i'm ready for wetter, wilder, and far more astounding challenges...whether i feel ready or not. (and i definitely do not feel ready!)

mainly, these challenges have everything to do with trust, surrender, and letting go. i know it may seem "surrender" and "letting go" are the same thing, but i assure you they're not. where surrender has everything to do with guarding my pride and protecting my ego, letting go is mostly about those deeper, earthier, long-buried aspects of the injured little girl inside.

last year i thought i had helped integrate her back into myself. and i know i did...in part. however, as i've grown outward and taken my abilities to a higher level, i've also uncovered a new trove of opportunities to strengthen my character (aka: i found more yayfun issues i need to work through).

i know i'll always be in the process of growing and learning, i know this. but part of me despairs that i'll never be truly free of the results of my abuse. the negative messages i lived with all those years were things i consumed on a phenominally deep level. it's as if my personal development were akin to cleaning out a dark, dank basement. after cleaning out the clutter, scrubbing the walls, painting, putting in some light and making it beautiful, i then find a trap door leading to an even deeper sub-basement.

and the process begins again.

whether or not i want to, whether or not i like it, i have to face it. unlike the situations i found myself in last year, there's a whole new caliber of intensity with this, and a whole new level of courage demanded of me. unfortunately, despite my rule here at iGoddess of absolute honesty and "hide nothing," i truly feel that posting it up here would be unsafe for me.

so i'm setting up a new blog here in the next couple of weeks. it will have absolutely no association with iGoddess or the Funkywild. but i'll be posting these new things there. i simply feel that it could seriously damage my reputation both at work and online as i begin to grow what will become my real estate investment empire. it's just too personal.

for all my lovely followers of iGoddess, if you would like to continue following my growth on the new blog, shoot me a personal email. there's one associated with this blog on my profile: igoddess [dot ] mail [at] gmail [dot ] com

otherwise email me with any address you have, if you happen to have one of my personal addresses.

if you're a lurker, i'm sorry. i won't be giving this new blog to anyone i don't know. but i'll still be maintaining iGoddess, just not at my former frequency. time constraints being what they are for me now --between working at Orkin, my secondary job, a third job i'll be taking here in the near future, my real estate group, and this new aspect of my life-- it's simply not possible. plus, i want to focus on these new challenges of mine.

as always, i thank everyone for the love and support that has been showered upon iGoddess. i'll continue to bring the Funkywild to all corners of the world far and wide.

it's simply time to take my growth to a whole new level.

may the Funk be with you.