in my quest to inject massive amounts of Funkalicious awesomeness back into my life and stage a r[E]volution in my own life, i've been throwing my own version of what boho mom calls a "feng shui tantrum."
i decided that in order to focus more on abundance and gratitude, i had to focus on what it was that i had so much of in my life that i could give it away with joy and love. you cannot give what you do not have, so rather than focus on the lack of things in my life, i'm focusing on what i have to give away.
in this, i've begun sorting through all of my possessions --and even Little Owl's-- and am parceling away 10% to give away. if i'm so lucky and fortunate and blessed to have more to give away, then give it away i shall. i've been going through my books, clothes, movies, baby clothes, toys, and even my time. i'm giving it away.
today i found a piece of paper hiding at the bottom of a huge bin of clothes i was sorting out. it goes to show just how long it's been since i truly went through the whole thing with more than just a cursory sift to find something i wanted. i've been sitting on a wealth of stuff! lucky me, i was able to give away half that bin. i'm excited!
but even more than that, i had to share this. it's beautiful, and i think it was just waiting for a reemergence at the right time. it was the proto-Temple, the place before the Menstrual Temple of the Funk Grail...
by the sacred power inherent in the very blood, bones, and breath of every Woman here, this is now sacred space. the ground beneath our feet holy ground. this is our place, the blessed womb of the goddess.
She of Ten Thousand Names stands with us, and each of us is Goddess. therefore begone all you insidious voices that poison our goddess hearts! begone the voices which laugh at us, which call us worthless and stupid. silence, you voices who whisper we are ugly, or fat, or lazy, or foolish! we shall not listen to your hateful lies one moment more, for we are Goddess! beautiful and wise and filled with the holy blood of woman, so that we shine as a beacon for our sisters who are lost in the darkness those voices create!
our circle is cast. that which glorifies not the sacred feminine shall not enter!
so the fuck mote it be!
this was written in 2002. i might've been trapped in a lot, but the proto-Temple was in my heart already.
it always was, i think.
10.28.2011
10.21.2011
love thine enemy
when i sit down to do my pilates and yoga exercises every day, i rest my hands on my knees and close my eyes, take a deep breath, and just spend a minute in stillness.
it's a minute meditation, but it helps to keep me connected to my intuition. for that, for me, is where i hear God (God being, of course, my own intuition). and if i didn't spend that moment reminding myself to remain steadfastly in touch with my intuition, then i would soon forget what it's like to hear God when She speaks. the Divine Wow is always laughing, but sometimes that laughter is as soft as a fall breeze soughing through the treetops, or as gentle as the sweet breath of a sleeping baby.
if you're not careful, you can miss it. i know i do.
a lot.
so last week i was sitting, breathing, and saying hello to the Funkalicious Jive. i had just finished posting a comment in my latest class (Cognitive, Socioemotional, and Developmental Lifespan Psychology) and someone had tossed out an underhanded insult about my answer to a particular question from our professor. my answer was respectful, genteel, and --for those who know me, or have any edge to their social skills-- was mightily cutting. not the deep cut of a brutal insult, but the long and shallow kind that burns.
she really got under my skin. my satisfaction didn't outweigh my irritation at even being insulted like i was, so when i came to say my hellos to the Multiversal Jiggy Snake, my feathers were somewhat ruffled.
"i know, i know," i said. "we are all One, so insulting her is to insult myself. but really, she asked for it."
"now, you know that's not true," said the Funkalicious Jive.
"must you remind me? okay, i know. compassion would not have said what i said. we are all One, so i could have bowed and accepted her answer with love and understanding that she met my statements within her abilities and understanding. and i know you once said to love my enemies, but--"
*grin* "yes?"
"oh holy crap, really? REALLY? it's that simple?" i broke into a wide smile. "THAT is why we must love our enemies! because we are all One, and our enemy is ourself!"
"you got it, cupcake!"
it isn't that we should love our neighbor as ourselves in the sense that we should only treat them the way we want to be treated because "karma" might take it out of our hides one day in the future. this is not some philosophical exercise, but an exercise in physical truth. not that we shouldn't extend the consideration, gentleness, and compassion to others that we want to see in our own lives; we should. it only makes sense.
but no. it's deeper than that. it's not treat them like you'd treat yourself. We Are All One. we treat OURSELVES as we would treat ourselves!
the universe is all energy. we are that same energy condensed to a slow vibration. so is our enemy. that same energy. everything from the air we breathe to the phantasmagorically fantastic solar explosions of the smallest sun in the furthest corner of the wildest reaches of the universe. the rocks, the chair you're sitting in at your computer, the loving pet sitting at your feet, the bird that just flew right into your window.
everything.
there is no beginning, and there is no end. it is all energy along a spectrum. and all energy is merely the soul of God, encompassing the universe of which we are all a part. if you were to take all that energy and speed it up to the same vibration, there would be no differentiating between a human body and a dust mote. it is all the same. it is all One.
we are all One.
i can reach out and touch my lover, and i can feel the energy between us. it is the same energy. our souls mingle in that touch, our auras combine. we share that willingly. all interaction is an exchange of energy. all energy is soul of Goddess.
the soul houses and safeguards the body. we are the body: the body of the universe, the body of the Funkalicious Jive. and the body cannot be divided against itself. all parts work together in a cohesive whole.
we are all One.
i must treat my enemy as i would treat myself, for indeed, i am.
we are all One.
10.14.2011
for you, boho
my lovely, amazing, brilliant, creative, genuine ingenious bohippian Funkmaster...
i tried to leave you a comment, but blogger is a bitch and says that my response cannot exceed 4,096 characters. i know! the nerve! i thought that, too. sheesh.
so i thought i'd put it here. i mean, there was no way in hell i was going to break it up into two comments, or -gasp!- try to EDIT. hell no.
i love you.
--
I feel your pain, my Funkalicious Divamaster. I feel your sorrow, your despair, your confusion, your sense of responsibility overwhelming you.
My own Funkmobile's been sitting since I was 5mos pregnant. So I *get* it. And my bio-dad's been regularly sending me money, so I get *that*, too. I do.
I love you. I admire, respect, and celebrate you. You know I do. =) So this is all from a place of love and sisterhood from the Menstrual Temple of the Funky Grail.
You say, "Can we ever gain control of the circumstances that we face?" The answer is yes. You say you subscribe to "thoughts become things," yet still see some aspects of your life as happening *to* you. Remember: We Are All One. It is all One. It is not, "Some thoughts become things." It is, "Thoughts become things.
All of them. I have had to learn this, too. Now I have embraced my role and have changed it.
I'm not suggesting you're not taking responsibility for your life, and all that's in it. You are. Amazingly. Strongly. Confidently. Willingly. ...But not happily.
I know you're familiar with energy work. Our thoughts are part of the energy of the Universe; this is basic. Somewhere, as you focus so hard on hating poverty and resenting it and struggling with it, you are telling the Universe, "I struggle with poverty!" And the Universe says, "Yes! You do!" And since your focus is there, that must be what you want more of.
Sweetheart, you are swimming in abundance in so many, many ways. Begin with gratitude for them. You know what they are. They feed your soul, give you joy, bring you delight. They lift your spirits, give you a sense of freedom and success and pride. Great!
Begin there. If you're sick of poverty, realize it no longer serves you. Thank it for the lessons it has taught you about life, yourself, your creativity and ingenuity. Just bow and thank it for its lessons. Then, without even saying farewell (because you don't need to expend that energy on it), while still in the spirit of gratitude, turn toward those things you have in abundance.
See the abundance. Thank the Universe, the Goddess, the Great Multiversal Jiggy Snake, whoever you want to. Thank yourself, too, because you participated!
Focus on them. List them out if you must. Whatever works for you, do it. Then focus on that. Go about your life because you must, but don't put energy into it. Just do it, and trust your muscle memory. But focus on the gratitude and abundance. Start there.
It is better to give than to receive? Well, we cannot give what we do not have ourselves. And my dear, no matter what level of government-defined 'poverty' you've been at, if you look back at your life, there has always been money. When you needed it, there has always been enough. Somehow. You eat, you keep your hatchling fed, housed, clothed, and loved. Sure, it might be through help, but there is always money.
Trust that. In fact, your thoughts have made it so. You say, "We'll get by...somehow." Now those thoughts can be more formed, more disciplined. Know with confidence there is always money when you look. Because it's true! Keep that thought. Build upon it.
You have a car. You have transportation. These two thoughts are true. You keep the disconnect in your head because you say, "I can't drive my car," and the Universe says, "You're right! You can't!" Learn to meld your two truths together: you have a car, and you have transportation. You are able to get where you want to go. There is always money. You have tremendous abundance.
Keep the focus. Build it. And gratitude. Always gratitude. And joy. The Universe hears. "Before you have asked, I will have already answered." It just takes a little time because we are in the realm where energy moves at a slower vibration, and we exist inside of Time. It will take time, but just be grateful because you *know* it is already arriving.
Check yourself when you begin thinking, "GAH! It's taking forever to get here!" The Universe will hear and say, "You're right! It is taking forever!" and it will.
We are moving through time. Your abundant life is here, now. Your working, insured vehicle is also there. It exists. You are moving closer toward it through time. Simply Know it Is, already. Smile knowingly, feel gratitude for it, and focus on your abundance. There is always money. Your hatchling is always provided for.
And you, my lovely dear, are always going to be all right. =)
Because you are. And I am grateful. =)
i tried to leave you a comment, but blogger is a bitch and says that my response cannot exceed 4,096 characters. i know! the nerve! i thought that, too. sheesh.
so i thought i'd put it here. i mean, there was no way in hell i was going to break it up into two comments, or -gasp!- try to EDIT. hell no.
i love you.
--
I feel your pain, my Funkalicious Divamaster. I feel your sorrow, your despair, your confusion, your sense of responsibility overwhelming you.
My own Funkmobile's been sitting since I was 5mos pregnant. So I *get* it. And my bio-dad's been regularly sending me money, so I get *that*, too. I do.
I love you. I admire, respect, and celebrate you. You know I do. =) So this is all from a place of love and sisterhood from the Menstrual Temple of the Funky Grail.
You say, "Can we ever gain control of the circumstances that we face?" The answer is yes. You say you subscribe to "thoughts become things," yet still see some aspects of your life as happening *to* you. Remember: We Are All One. It is all One. It is not, "Some thoughts become things." It is, "Thoughts become things.
All of them. I have had to learn this, too. Now I have embraced my role and have changed it.
I'm not suggesting you're not taking responsibility for your life, and all that's in it. You are. Amazingly. Strongly. Confidently. Willingly. ...But not happily.
I know you're familiar with energy work. Our thoughts are part of the energy of the Universe; this is basic. Somewhere, as you focus so hard on hating poverty and resenting it and struggling with it, you are telling the Universe, "I struggle with poverty!" And the Universe says, "Yes! You do!" And since your focus is there, that must be what you want more of.
Sweetheart, you are swimming in abundance in so many, many ways. Begin with gratitude for them. You know what they are. They feed your soul, give you joy, bring you delight. They lift your spirits, give you a sense of freedom and success and pride. Great!
Begin there. If you're sick of poverty, realize it no longer serves you. Thank it for the lessons it has taught you about life, yourself, your creativity and ingenuity. Just bow and thank it for its lessons. Then, without even saying farewell (because you don't need to expend that energy on it), while still in the spirit of gratitude, turn toward those things you have in abundance.
See the abundance. Thank the Universe, the Goddess, the Great Multiversal Jiggy Snake, whoever you want to. Thank yourself, too, because you participated!
Focus on them. List them out if you must. Whatever works for you, do it. Then focus on that. Go about your life because you must, but don't put energy into it. Just do it, and trust your muscle memory. But focus on the gratitude and abundance. Start there.
It is better to give than to receive? Well, we cannot give what we do not have ourselves. And my dear, no matter what level of government-defined 'poverty' you've been at, if you look back at your life, there has always been money. When you needed it, there has always been enough. Somehow. You eat, you keep your hatchling fed, housed, clothed, and loved. Sure, it might be through help, but there is always money.
Trust that. In fact, your thoughts have made it so. You say, "We'll get by...somehow." Now those thoughts can be more formed, more disciplined. Know with confidence there is always money when you look. Because it's true! Keep that thought. Build upon it.
You have a car. You have transportation. These two thoughts are true. You keep the disconnect in your head because you say, "I can't drive my car," and the Universe says, "You're right! You can't!" Learn to meld your two truths together: you have a car, and you have transportation. You are able to get where you want to go. There is always money. You have tremendous abundance.
Keep the focus. Build it. And gratitude. Always gratitude. And joy. The Universe hears. "Before you have asked, I will have already answered." It just takes a little time because we are in the realm where energy moves at a slower vibration, and we exist inside of Time. It will take time, but just be grateful because you *know* it is already arriving.
Check yourself when you begin thinking, "GAH! It's taking forever to get here!" The Universe will hear and say, "You're right! It is taking forever!" and it will.
We are moving through time. Your abundant life is here, now. Your working, insured vehicle is also there. It exists. You are moving closer toward it through time. Simply Know it Is, already. Smile knowingly, feel gratitude for it, and focus on your abundance. There is always money. Your hatchling is always provided for.
And you, my lovely dear, are always going to be all right. =)
Because you are. And I am grateful. =)
10.13.2011
some new philosophy
lots been happening here.
lots.
i didn't forget this blog right after posting that i would be back. honest. i just had to find my groove.
i won't go into everything here in detail because that would be counterproductive. needless to say, my life felt like it was lopped off at the knees and i was dragging around bloody stumps for a long time. especially after i had been Delena of the Funkywild here for so long, it was a long way to fall.
i got over it.
the thing about being dedicated to the Funkywild and being an initiate in the Menstrual Temple of the Funky Grail, no matter how far the fall (or the illusion of falling), there is beauty in the barren and treasure in the trash. we learn from pain and pleasure, both. we poke fear in the eye and blow it a kiss. it might take a week to forget the Funkywild and nearly two years to muster the saucy daring to give fear that poke in the eye, but we do.
i'm also coming out here --lastly here, sadly, since once upon a time here would have been the first place this would have been announced-- about the eating disorder i've lived with for the past 18 years. i'm in the "eating disorder not otherwise specified" category, because i always fit neatly into my pre-assigned box.
but instead of denying it, i felt extremely embarrassed and overwhelmed, but it made sense to me. then i started taking responsibility for it and decided to change it. just coming clean about it and letting people know has added a lot of confidence. there's been a lot of support from a few very key people i know i can always talk to. and every day i make healthy choices, which in turn makes me want to make healthier choices the next day, and to continue my momentum. when i have to, i vent to people i know will not judge and will let me vent and then help put my head back on straight.
this, too, helps a lot. i think half my difficulty in this arena came simply because i pushed it all down in some tiny little black well inside of me.
it's all coming to light, baby. i am coming to Light.
my mission here on this planet is becoming clearer, and i'm getting a better sense of what i want to do. it's still vague, but rather than feeling frustration as i have this huge well of passion and excitement with no idea where to direct it, i know i want to live in a manner which brings the Funkalicious Jive to everyone in the world.
because we are all one.
We Are All One.
i said this to someone special today: "how silly we humans are, caught in bonds of our own making, placing arbitrary values on concepts of our own invention."
we are not the drama, but merely the players, and our costumes change as often as our minds. we are not the characters, we are the authors. our pain and rules and convention and propriety and money and minutes and deadlines and obstacles are as real as a stage magic trick; all illusion. we've assigned it meaning, and we can un-assign it meaning, or reassign, or substitute. power is as limitless as imagination, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
i sit and think about this and could almost burst apart with absolute joy. i share my truth and my self, and someone takes me by the hand and loves it so much they run with it. their enthusiasm takes me along with it, and together we feed that excitement of new exploration until the synergy has the infinite energy of perpetual motion and the gravity well draws us both together. and together we create. and in creating we become. and in becoming we create...
some new philosophy, indeed. i think i'll call it Love.
lots.
i didn't forget this blog right after posting that i would be back. honest. i just had to find my groove.
i won't go into everything here in detail because that would be counterproductive. needless to say, my life felt like it was lopped off at the knees and i was dragging around bloody stumps for a long time. especially after i had been Delena of the Funkywild here for so long, it was a long way to fall.
i got over it.
the thing about being dedicated to the Funkywild and being an initiate in the Menstrual Temple of the Funky Grail, no matter how far the fall (or the illusion of falling), there is beauty in the barren and treasure in the trash. we learn from pain and pleasure, both. we poke fear in the eye and blow it a kiss. it might take a week to forget the Funkywild and nearly two years to muster the saucy daring to give fear that poke in the eye, but we do.
i'm also coming out here --lastly here, sadly, since once upon a time here would have been the first place this would have been announced-- about the eating disorder i've lived with for the past 18 years. i'm in the "eating disorder not otherwise specified" category, because i always fit neatly into my pre-assigned box.
but instead of denying it, i felt extremely embarrassed and overwhelmed, but it made sense to me. then i started taking responsibility for it and decided to change it. just coming clean about it and letting people know has added a lot of confidence. there's been a lot of support from a few very key people i know i can always talk to. and every day i make healthy choices, which in turn makes me want to make healthier choices the next day, and to continue my momentum. when i have to, i vent to people i know will not judge and will let me vent and then help put my head back on straight.
this, too, helps a lot. i think half my difficulty in this arena came simply because i pushed it all down in some tiny little black well inside of me.
it's all coming to light, baby. i am coming to Light.
my mission here on this planet is becoming clearer, and i'm getting a better sense of what i want to do. it's still vague, but rather than feeling frustration as i have this huge well of passion and excitement with no idea where to direct it, i know i want to live in a manner which brings the Funkalicious Jive to everyone in the world.
because we are all one.
We Are All One.
i said this to someone special today: "how silly we humans are, caught in bonds of our own making, placing arbitrary values on concepts of our own invention."
we are not the drama, but merely the players, and our costumes change as often as our minds. we are not the characters, we are the authors. our pain and rules and convention and propriety and money and minutes and deadlines and obstacles are as real as a stage magic trick; all illusion. we've assigned it meaning, and we can un-assign it meaning, or reassign, or substitute. power is as limitless as imagination, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
i sit and think about this and could almost burst apart with absolute joy. i share my truth and my self, and someone takes me by the hand and loves it so much they run with it. their enthusiasm takes me along with it, and together we feed that excitement of new exploration until the synergy has the infinite energy of perpetual motion and the gravity well draws us both together. and together we create. and in creating we become. and in becoming we create...
some new philosophy, indeed. i think i'll call it Love.
5.09.2011
memories, dreams, and reflections
a while ago, i figured that this blog had seen its last and it was time to retire it. after all, i didn't have the time anymore to sit and listen to my subconscious and, really, to be quite honest i'd never seen nor heard hide nor hair of a baby in the Menstrual Temple of the Funky Grail.
not to mention i was planning on starting up a parenting blog, and i tend to drop the F-bomb on this blog quite often when it fits. when i'm in a pique, i tend to drop F-nuclear-bombs. sometimes five times in a sentence when i'm really on a roll.
and F-bombs are quite unbecoming of a crunchy, modern aboriginal mama.
however, i miss this blog. thank you, good-bye, end of story.
i.
miss.
this.
blog.
waitwait...
i.
miss.
this.
fucking.
blog.
so i'm bringing it back. i miss listening to myself. i miss my authentic self.
so it took me nine months to be reduced to physical survival. that'll happen when pregnancy nearly kills both you and the baby. fevers approaching 105 degrees, losing 35 pounds in a trimester because morning sickness decided to turn into life-threatening hyperemesis gravidarum, passing out in the kitchen, being too weak to form a sentence, emergency room visits every week. last time i had a baby, i died bringing him into the world.
a whopping ninety seconds of afterlife. gestating just doesn't agree with me. like orange juice right after brushing your teeth. or like my tia nena's baked beans.
so i can see where my heretofore rich inner life and practicing pronoia could get pushed to oblivion as i tried to just bring Little Owl to term. and then came being mama. i've been mama, diving headlong into babywearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, sewing diapers, learning how to do everything one-handed because Little Owl refuses to exist anywhere but on my hip as I go about housework.
i love being a mom. well, i love being Little Owl's mom. but i think i'm finally lifting my head back up to see the rest of my life in perspective. babybabybabybaby doesn't occupy my every thought, waking or sleeping, any longer.
i miss being me. i miss baking and singing and writing and visiting the Menstrual Temple. i miss my inner Funk, pronoia, and eating frogs. i miss kicking my Inner Flaming Narcissist right in the ass. i miss sneaking out at night, pomegranate priestesses, and going sacred cow-tipping. i miss brushing my hair, brezsny-on-the-blog, and mexican food.
so the blog is back. or, rather, i'm back on the blog. expect some redecorating here in the next few weeks, maybe. this place might no longer be called iGoddess, either. not sure. not that i'm not still an iGoddess --because i am-- but iGoddess has always been about memories, dreams, and reflections. (thank you, Jung, my hero)
welcome.
welcome to weirdness, dreams, questions, observations, and F-bombs.
welcome.
not to mention i was planning on starting up a parenting blog, and i tend to drop the F-bomb on this blog quite often when it fits. when i'm in a pique, i tend to drop F-nuclear-bombs. sometimes five times in a sentence when i'm really on a roll.
and F-bombs are quite unbecoming of a crunchy, modern aboriginal mama.
however, i miss this blog. thank you, good-bye, end of story.
i.
miss.
this.
blog.
waitwait...
i.
miss.
this.
fucking.
blog.
so i'm bringing it back. i miss listening to myself. i miss my authentic self.
so it took me nine months to be reduced to physical survival. that'll happen when pregnancy nearly kills both you and the baby. fevers approaching 105 degrees, losing 35 pounds in a trimester because morning sickness decided to turn into life-threatening hyperemesis gravidarum, passing out in the kitchen, being too weak to form a sentence, emergency room visits every week. last time i had a baby, i died bringing him into the world.
a whopping ninety seconds of afterlife. gestating just doesn't agree with me. like orange juice right after brushing your teeth. or like my tia nena's baked beans.
so i can see where my heretofore rich inner life and practicing pronoia could get pushed to oblivion as i tried to just bring Little Owl to term. and then came being mama. i've been mama, diving headlong into babywearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, sewing diapers, learning how to do everything one-handed because Little Owl refuses to exist anywhere but on my hip as I go about housework.
i love being a mom. well, i love being Little Owl's mom. but i think i'm finally lifting my head back up to see the rest of my life in perspective. babybabybabybaby doesn't occupy my every thought, waking or sleeping, any longer.
i miss being me. i miss baking and singing and writing and visiting the Menstrual Temple. i miss my inner Funk, pronoia, and eating frogs. i miss kicking my Inner Flaming Narcissist right in the ass. i miss sneaking out at night, pomegranate priestesses, and going sacred cow-tipping. i miss brushing my hair, brezsny-on-the-blog, and mexican food.
so the blog is back. or, rather, i'm back on the blog. expect some redecorating here in the next few weeks, maybe. this place might no longer be called iGoddess, either. not sure. not that i'm not still an iGoddess --because i am-- but iGoddess has always been about memories, dreams, and reflections. (thank you, Jung, my hero)
welcome.
welcome to weirdness, dreams, questions, observations, and F-bombs.
welcome.
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