lots been happening here.
i didn't forget this blog right after posting that i would be back. honest. i just had to find my groove.
i won't go into everything here in detail because that would be counterproductive. needless to say, my life felt like it was lopped off at the knees and i was dragging around bloody stumps for a long time. especially after i had been Delena of the Funkywild here for so long, it was a long way to fall.
i got over it.
the thing about being dedicated to the Funkywild and being an initiate in the Menstrual Temple of the Funky Grail, no matter how far the fall (or the illusion of falling), there is beauty in the barren and treasure in the trash. we learn from pain and pleasure, both. we poke fear in the eye and blow it a kiss. it might take a week to forget the Funkywild and nearly two years to muster the saucy daring to give fear that poke in the eye, but we do.
i'm also coming out here --lastly here, sadly, since once upon a time here would have been the first place this would have been announced-- about the eating disorder i've lived with for the past 18 years. i'm in the "eating disorder not otherwise specified" category, because i always fit neatly into my pre-assigned box.
but instead of denying it, i felt extremely embarrassed and overwhelmed, but it made sense to me. then i started taking responsibility for it and decided to change it. just coming clean about it and letting people know has added a lot of confidence. there's been a lot of support from a few very key people i know i can always talk to. and every day i make healthy choices, which in turn makes me want to make healthier choices the next day, and to continue my momentum. when i have to, i vent to people i know will not judge and will let me vent and then help put my head back on straight.
this, too, helps a lot. i think half my difficulty in this arena came simply because i pushed it all down in some tiny little black well inside of me.
it's all coming to light, baby. i am coming to Light.
my mission here on this planet is becoming clearer, and i'm getting a better sense of what i want to do. it's still vague, but rather than feeling frustration as i have this huge well of passion and excitement with no idea where to direct it, i know i want to live in a manner which brings the Funkalicious Jive to everyone in the world.
because we are all one.
We Are All One.
i said this to someone special today: "how silly we humans are, caught in bonds of our own making, placing arbitrary values on concepts of our own invention."
we are not the drama, but merely the players, and our costumes change as often as our minds. we are not the characters, we are the authors. our pain and rules and convention and propriety and money and minutes and deadlines and obstacles are as real as a stage magic trick; all illusion. we've assigned it meaning, and we can un-assign it meaning, or reassign, or substitute. power is as limitless as imagination, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
i sit and think about this and could almost burst apart with absolute joy. i share my truth and my self, and someone takes me by the hand and loves it so much they run with it. their enthusiasm takes me along with it, and together we feed that excitement of new exploration until the synergy has the infinite energy of perpetual motion and the gravity well draws us both together. and together we create. and in creating we become. and in becoming we create...
some new philosophy, indeed. i think i'll call it Love.