the one about hiroshima

Clown Mushroom Cloud

yeah, that was me about a week and a half ago.

this class is killing me.

i called it my "emotional hiroshima." of course, this pic was perfect because --if you're so inclined-- you can see the clown face right in the mushroom cloud itself.

such absurdity in the face of something we take so seriously. that's probably how i should be looking at it. my life won't end if i fail this class.  sure, i'll most likely be kicked out of school because of my crappy GPA, which means i'll be stuck with student loans and nothing to show for it, still amounting to nothing but a high school diploma in a family with nothing but multi-degree holders. hell, my baby sister's in her Master's program right now. and sure, it'll do a number on my self-image because let's face it, it's not like i'm really all that confident right now or feeling like i amount to anything worth counting. so far, i'm everything my parents drilled into me was beneath me. so maybe i'm pinning way too much on this class and my successful completing of it.

on the other hand, maybe i'm not?

mushroom cloud. bozo's face. sure, there might be nuclear winter, but at least the cloud's laughing, right?


Mitchell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mitchell said...

Good day, Sister.

You do know Einstein couldn't tie his shoes, right? Well, that's the suburban myth. Search and you will find people who write that this is fact. Look deeper and you will find people who write that it is not fact.

Look around the room and you'll see a bunch of people who don't care.

I utterly failed Probability and Statistics. I was so profoundly affected by this lapse in my self-proclaimed intellectual invulnerability that I next did something that can only be described as delusional:

I changed my major from Computer Science to Mathematics!

To this day, I can only plead insanity. I recall having had some angrily defiant, fist-shaking I'll-show-you-god! kind of righteous indignation. That numerical mountain was staring at me, daring me to conquer it.

28 years later, I sit in the shadow of the mountain king, content to count the ants as they go marching two by two. See? I know enough about numbers to mark the passage of ants - and time.


Just breathe, Sister. You're only a failure if you stop moving.



P.S. Heh. I had to delete and rewrite my comment. My years were off by almost a decade. I'm still young at heart, though.

Jane said...

I hate to think of you being so down on yourself. You've got a lot on your plate with motherhood alone. Be kind and gentle with yourself. If the college thing doesn't work at this time in your life, new and different doors will be opened for you. You are a super kick ass being of funk...you will get past/through/over this hurdle :)