CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): It's an excellent time to make yourself more magnetic to blessings. You might want to experiment, therefore, with good luck charms or magic invocations -- anything that you imagine might attract benevolence into your life. How about the potion that is popular in South Africa right now? It's a concoction cooked up from ground-up vulture bones. Or maybe the kind of mystic jewelry I saw advertised in one of the tabloids, a necklace made of meteorite chunks? Both of those would pale in comparison, however, to the thing I consider the very best attractor of blessings. It's the sacred metaphorical talisman that Tom Waits recommends in his song "Get Behind the Mule": Always keep a diamond in your mind.

just as long as i can make it a pink diamond, mr. brezsny, i'm all for pinning my ear to the wisdom post and my eye to the line.

and so, having said that, i give unto you, Fans of Funk, my invocations and charms for attracting blessings:

while standing in a mud puddle and hugging myself, i dissolved a four-leaf clover on my tongue and visualized myself riding piggyback on my future mate.

i drew a picture of copulating hummingbirds on a dollar bill and taped it to a road sign on a street with a suggestive name.

then i stood on top of a mobile home wearing all red clothes, and hurled a chunk of stolen meteorite as far as i could while shouting out the name of my beloved -- whatever that may be...

then i built a blazing fire, stripped naked, smeared war paint on my body in the style of my native american ancestors, shook my snake tooth rattle and waved my mummified chicken foot over my head, hopped on one foot, and balanced a jello cake on my head.

...'kay, no, not really.

what i did do was forget all about trying to glom on to my perfect mate and instead decided to make myself into the perfect mate. this year, i wine and dine me and make me my perfect lover and mate.

whether i find anyone, i want to be my perfect mate, and it all comes down to two qualities: beauty, and truth!

i will then gather my kitty paraphernalia, in the great name of Bast, and infuse my glittering, pink-and-purple kitty necklace with all the phantasmagoric, divalicious wonderfulness that is Delena of the FunkyWild in hopes of acquiring the grace and poise of the house kitty, the self-confidence of the lion, and the sultry languor of the panther.

oh yes. it will be mine!

recently i have come to realize the almost-futile, holy-grail-doomed quest that is seeking perfection within myself. it will remain ever elusive and just plain lame to continue chasing such an ephemeral dream. and so, in the spirit of the japanese artful discipline of wabi sabi, i have come to the realizion that i am perfect just the way i am, glorified in all my flaws --not because i revel in mediocrity, but because nature has infused me with the beauty of asymmetry, the poetry of curves and dark colors, and the wisdom of discernment that upholds my virtues all the higher because i possess such beauty in the midst of flaws.

i am not perfect. but i am perfect for someone. the perfection of perspective.

out there, Somewhere, is the beholder who shall gaze upon me and love me...for in their eyes i will be perfect, flaws and all.

the breathtaking and oft-praised pink diamond is a precious stone with imperfections which mar its color. and the flaw is glorified, even sought after...

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