remember my kittens? chitterling the minor demon of annoyance, and roulette? well, i've decided i'm giving them up. i could handle them keeping me awake all night, and i could handle them in their teenage phase. i could even handle them tearing up my carpet and costing me the deposit on my apartment.
what i can't handle is that they love *m* and ignore me.
they run to the door when *m* comes home. they meow all night long until he does come home. they flirt and fawn all over him just about every minute he's home. they cuddle and purr and are just the sweetest things with him. they don't even get up when they see i'm around.
i got those fucking cats because i wanted something that was going to live with me and love me. when i got them, *m* was still living in idaho and he was already being an ass. i knew if i wanted anything affectionate, i'd have to get some sort of pet because i wasn't going to get much from *m*. and he had his own cats already, to fawn on him, and cuddle, and love. i wanted something of my own.
he gave those damn cats more attention in a single day than he'd give me in two weeks. he talked more to them, and knew their moods and customs and habits better than he tried to learn mine. and if it sounds childish that i resented it, then fuck it. perhaps i'm childish. perhaps it's childish to want to come home to some sort of godsdamned love.
when i got home today, roulette was nowhere to be found, and chitterling looked up --from where she was curled up on *m*'s fucking jacket-- and immediately went back to sleep.
i've fucking had it, and i'm tired of being so ignored and taken for granted in my own godsdamned apartment that i found and paid for. the cats are gone. *m*'s gone as soon as he can afford it, but the way his expenses are, i know the lease is going to be up before that happens.
i can't express how much it pisses me off that, after all he's already taken from me, now he's taken my fucking cats.