checking in

*cc*'s birthday was saturday, and yesterday we went to the parents' for her birthday dinner. she asked for a german chocolate torte for dessert, so dad went all-out and made dinner german style. it was quite wonderful, as always, and much leftovers were loaded into the car with us. we begged mom not to make us bring the leftover cake, though. *cc* and i were thinking about all those extra hours on the elliptical...

since that night when *ks* was a complete ass, i haven't been back. and i haven't missed it. it continues to amaze me just how much i was willing to compromise myself for them...because i loved them. too bad they'll never wake up enough to realize what they had. ah well.

rumblestrut has settled in immediately into his new home. he absolutely loves it here. he spent three days just exploring everything, but he had such an excited, contented expression that i knew he was much happier here. he's been a curious and confident little fellow, and ten times as affectionate as ever. plus...he loves the staircase. when all the other kitties are little pygmy rhinos stampeding up and down the stairs, rumbles is a good three pounds heavier than the largest of *cc*'s cats and considerably wider. he's the actual rhino making it sound like the ceiling is caving in when he stampedes.

he's completely won over *mj* and *cc* with his adoringness and cute, simple playfulness. he's so uninterested in heirarchy or winning any top runs in the pride. he'd rather just be loved and petted, rank be damned. it's adorable. he hasn't whined at me once since we've been here. and every time he comes up and gives me love, i think he's thanking me. he's just so much happier!

since mom's got us all hooked on watching "house" when we're over, with dad and *cc* in their respective medical or medical-related fields, that show sparks some very interesting conversations. i love what i learn each time. but last night we got to talking about the decisions that need to be made when a family member is incapacitated, and i brought up my desire to give dad and *cc* a Power of Attorney (or whatever is needed in oregon) should anything happen to me. otherwise, all rights and priveleges to decide my fate would actually fall to my bio-parents.

i had made that realization a few weeks ago (watching "house" makes me think of a lot, actually) and it kinda freaked me out.

so after i mentioned that, i brought up what my aunt *d* had told my dad after *rc*'s wedding. she'd called him up a few days later, after both my aunts (dad's sisters) and i had gotten to know each other, and told him that i couldn't be any more his daughter --and any more a chappelle-- if i'd popped out into his waiting arms.

it kinda brought a tear to my eye.

and after he told me that a few months ago, it started me thinking. family is everything to me. *cc* asked me why i didn't change my last name to chappelle a few years ago anyway, and i told her that at that time, i still wasn't sure i was family and didn't want to presume. *ds* and *ks* had extended the invitation. i was without family back then. over time, however, those two have repeatedly shown me they don't know what they're talking about when they talk about family. oh, they talk a mighty good talk, but they don't do a thing to actually live it. all *ks* did was get pissed at me whenever i pointed out he was full of shit. but we had the same last name, we supported each other (most of the time). we were family. i was loyal.

unfortunately, they've shown me time and again they don't want family, they want enablers who'll cater to their fucked-uppedness.

no thank you.

i'd been thinking about it since september, but i came to a decision a few weeks ago. now i'm just coming out with it. the minute the opportunity opens up, i'm going to court and changing my last name to chappelle.

when i mentioned this last night, dad came into the living room and asked if my bio-parents would sign off on a formal adoption.

...i was stunned.

not only because i didn't know it was possible to adopt someone who wasn't a minor (which is kinda cool), but because...well...wouldn't you be stunned if you realized the lengths people would go to when they really wanted and loved you? i mean...the sort of lengths that i've gone to for people (who ultimately never deserved it).

it's a glimpse of the end of my ugly duckling story.