the morning after

well...yesterday was The Great Today, where i began to achieve my new goal of becoming an Eye-Popping Amazon of Wild Hotness.

i cannot tell you how overpowering my carb addiction withdrawals are right now, oh my goddess. usually they don't kick in for a few days going carb-free. well, yesterday i went with *cc* and Little Brother to my favorite grill and packed myself full of garlic-and-ginger veggie stir fry. so i wasn't hungry the rest of the day. i love that place, because i quite literally control exactly what goes onto my plate, and what's in it.

so even if i could have had carbs yesterday, i just wasn't hungry. but today, holy hell! i'm light-headed, there's a rock in my stomach, i'm antsy, exhausted, having horrid reflux, and can't even bring myself to even drink tea. honestly, i can't tell if i have a touch of the flu that's been going around, or if it's my own head creating this "OH MY GODS! NO CARBS!!" freakout and trying to convince me that i will fall over dead if i don't have pasta.

now, to be honest, i've heretofore been utterly unsuccessful quitting my carb addiction in times past. all i know is that i always feel ten worlds better after a huge bowl of spaghetti once a month when i get..."edgy." i think it's all the dopamine and sugars produced after white, gluten-laden pastas. because i actually don't get the same satisfaction or effect after eating my mexican beans and rice, or tortillas, or wheat bread.

gotta be the sugars and dopamine in white pastas, and we all know sugar and dopamine are addictive chemicals even though they're naturally produced in our bodies.

buckminster fuller said, "don't fight forces, work with them." so i'm looking for ways to implement what he said and not fight this addiction and its withdrawals (and my obsession over lack of pasta), but work with it. so far i've been unsuccessful finding a way to channel that excess energy. i imagine it just means i'm drawing closer to a solution, but i'm turning to my lovely iVillage --all of you-- to help me come up with ideas.

because it's exactly this addiction that derails me every time. and this time i will not fail in my endeavors to be an Eye-Popping Amazon.

in the meantime, i recommit to my goal today. now, in the spirit of taking better care of my body, i'm going to go lie down. i hope i''m not getting sick, and i'm thinking healthy thoughts, but you can never go wrong with getting rest.