okay, so i filled out another one of eHarmony's personality profile thingies because a.) they don't let you go back and change your answers once you've completed it, and b.) i was really dang curious to see how i've changed.
for the most part, i'm still me, which is a good thing. but some of my answers were different enough that it changed one of my results. i went from being "sometimes focused, sometimes flexible" to "focused." now, i loved the description of the focused-and-flexible result, because i felt that it really described me. when i'm focused on something, i'm intense about it. but i also know what my priorities are, and if something better comes along, i know that i can put down whatever work i was doing and go out and enjoy life.
...on the flip side, that could also say that i'm a bit flakey, not quite dependable, and i'd rather go off and play than be serious. not that that's entirely true, but i do know that life is more important than work, and making lasting memories with people i love will be the things i remember. not the work i stuck myself with on a gorgeous weekend, y'know?
but now, i've gotten more focused. i know who i am and what i want now, instead of thinking i'm what everyone tells me i should be, and wanting what other people suggest i should want. i'm so sick of people telling me what i am and what i want. i change my name, and i get "no, your name will always be ____, no matter what you say." i hate people like that. can you see the lack of respect for me as a person, an individual with my own mind? and that's just one example. i'm a revolutionary freedom fighter. i see injustice, and my response is to go out and fight it on the front lines. in the trenches. and yet once upon a time i had a mentor that used to shoot me in the ass and tell me that it wasn't my place, i could do better things, be greater.
but what if, inside, i belong out there, just one more soldier fighting for freedom, beauty, truth, and love? fighting against hypocrisy? fighting for equality? i might be "demeaned" by being G.I. Delena in the coming genocide of the imagination, but so what? revolutionary freedom fighters don't hang back on the sidelines. get me up to my elbows, dammit.
okay, off my soapbox.
so i know who i am: i am delena, daughter of funk, revolutionary freedom fighter, lover of the color pink, retro, and fantasy fiction. i know what i want: happiness, autonomy, to be surrounded by my family, and funk. and i've modeled my life to reflect exactly that. and i love my life!
so...okay. we went out to celebrate dad's birthday at this fantastic little brazilian joint downtown on 13th. it was so groovy! so i told them that i'd done the whole eHarmony profile thing, and in a thousand miles, it could only find two people compatible with me. i had to laugh. i felt so unique, that only two people, in a thousand miles in any direction, had enough in common with me to be compatible. not that i wanted to interact with either of them, or any of the other matches eHarmony's sent me since then. i like where i am.
this morning, i check my email, and not only has eHarmony sent me another match from somewhere in idaho, but there was a communique from them in the very next email! needless to say, my reaction was, "Eeeek!" so now what do i do? i mean, they're just 5 questions. eHarmony has steps you go through, like questions, then "must haves" and "can't stands," that kind of thing, to give people a template to help them interact in the beginning. it's really a neat setup.
so...this deputy sheriff from idaho has sent me questions. he likes robert jordan (who's my favorite author), loves his family, has a corny sense of humor (which everyone knows is a weakness of mine), craves honesty, is a movie hound, wants to visit the tropics (and old friends know about me and tahiti...)...
see where this is going? on paper, he seems pretty awesome. but...i like my life. i know, i know. it's just questions. it's not exactly where i want to be right now, but would i still be me if i stopped being adventurous? i dunno. i'll have to think about this one, because i really, really like my life as it is right now, with no one special in it. well, li'l *c* is special, but you know what i mean.
speaking of li'l *c*, it's his birthday this month, and he wants a bowling pin. isn't that just adorable?! a bowling pin! big *c* asked me to get him a bowling bag, which i will. i'm looking for one of those old fashioned kinds, the leather dome-shaped ones. apparently, nobody makes them anymore. if anyone's got one, i'd be eternally grateful for it! as is, i'm searching mightily on eBay.