at a loss for words?

what do you call it when you're angry, but the object you're struggling not to shower with scapegoat, misplaced anger is feeling it anyway? and what do you call it when you're struggling not to show anger, but your struggle is so fierce it's palpable anyway? and what do you call it when your anger is just the secondary emotion...but you don't quite know what the original, anger-inducing emotion really is?

love is really all there truly is...but it's amazing how much anger and pain cloud everything until it's all you can see. now, i can still laugh. i still have happiness. today, at work, it came in the form of a st. bernard named sawyer whose head comes up to just beneath my breasts. he's a huge luv-bug. and i know the Funk is still out there.

i just hate how i have to go through this bunch of fuck just to come out the other side again.