miss me?

okay, beauty and truth fans, iGoddess is back! and i absolutely loved coming back home to all of your comments. i've decided that boho mom is just too fucking cool for any funky adjective i could ever come up with, i'm now on the hunt for patchouli car fresheners, and i want to live in mich's world. "get your bony butt back here," she says. i want to live in your world, mich, where delena's butt is bony, because that probably means her thighs aren't all cottage-cheesy, her lower abs aren't covered in hideous post-childbirth stretch marks, and i bet her boobs are still cute and perky, too. yeah, i wanna live in a world with bony-assed delena. lol

alas, i have no pictures. i had fully intended to take pictures of my whirlwind two-day trip. i even borrowed my mom's camera for the trip, too. however, hilarious as it may seem, aside from 'the bling' and the actual time i spent with *m*, nothing went right this whole week.

and yes, there will be mention of the bling.

so on saturday morning i went with *r* and her boyfriend down to bend to see about that car. originally, i was going to buy her '69 mustang from her, but after we made our deal, her boyfriend sold it to his friend right beneath me.

we got to bend four hours later than *r* wanted, so our afternoon was a rush of errands and LOTS of driving in a fifty-mile radius. we got to bed really late that night.

the next day, i found out that the other mustang i wanted to look at, a '67 (even better), was no longer for sale. the owner's parents heard there was a buyer in town all the way from portland, and "quite suddenly" there was an extra zero on the asking price. i was so dejected and pissed off i actually felt physically sick. i can't remember the last time i'd felt sick simply from anger.

actually, we suspect a bit of racism going on there, but since we can't actually confirm it we can only shrug. hell, even if we could, we could still do nothing but shrug. what a beautiful country this is, where injustices and fucktardism go completely unpunished.

i bought *r*'s boyfriend's black '93 honda civic ex, instead. it's a pretty sweet car. i mean, it looks like hell on the outside, with primer on the hood and roof, scratches all alongside the driver side exterior, and a crack that winds its happy-ass way across the entire windshield. but beneath the hood, it's got new or really-close-to-new racing-performance engine parts. it's a sleeper, actually. i could show up on a street racing track and be totally laughed at, and then take about 80% of them by surprise as my little banger makes them choke on my dust.

not that i'd ever race, mind you. my daddy's a cop, and he and *m* might take it amiss if their little chica was sporting a bit of illegal street racing... but hey! i'm just saying, i could...

as for my trip to idaho, i got off to a very bad start. i'd been enduring cracks, jokes, comments, and total, utter doubt that i was capable of making a stupid road trip. i was slightly bombarded from many, many people, so my scales were already ruffled and i was breathing smoke.

i was three and a half hours late. i'd wanted to leave at 19:00, but i didn't get out of the house until 19:30. i forgot something, so i had to turn around and go back for it.

i stopped by my parents' house to have dinner and shave a kitty butt because one of their cats had eaten something wrong and gotten an explosive (and i'm talking explosive) case of the poopies. so i shaved this creamsicle, longhaired kitty's latter half (and yes, i left the little tuft at the end of his tail like a lion) and now he's running around bare-assed. it's hilarious, but they love it. dad gets a kick out of that little lion tail.

so by the time i even seriously got on the road, it was already 22:00. i was quite irate, spitting brimstone and tail twitching. even *m* got a brush of it, because i couldn't quite keep the expletives and biting sarcasm out of the conversation. i ended up using the excuse of poor reception to turn off my phone a bit earlier than usual. it's not his fault people were being fucktards and pissing me off. he was a small contributor, but not the whole, so i just shut up and spared myself misery later. besides, i'd realized that trying to explain to him why i was pissed was a lost cause. isn't there a saying about picking your battles?

anyway, so then any and every traffic and road hazard conspired to push my arrival time back even further. everything from night construction to large mammalian carcasses appearing out of nowhere and scaring the crap out of me.

on the way home, i must've fallen asleep at least half a dozen times while speeding down the highway at 80 mph. the scariest time was when i woke to realize i was passing a semi i didn't even remember seeing on the road. yeah, it's only kinda cool in retrospect, ha ha. but see, i know this is a part of solitary road trips. and it's not like i could afford to stop and sleep for any decent amount of time. i had to be at work at noon. you just shake it off and keep going. besides, i'm an insomniac. sleep isn't a necessity for me like it is for others. it's a luxury item, a rare commodity. so i'm not all broken up about it if i don't get a whole bunch of it, but i don't expect people to understand it. unfortunately, pronoia keeps me from simply looking down on the poor, ignorant fucktards and going on my merry way.

hence the frustration. i don't quite yet know how to deal with the godsdamned sleep proselytizing yet. not in a pronoiac way, anyway.

i got to work a whopping half hour early and needing to pee like only someone who's been holding it for over 300 miles can pee...only to realize i'd forgotten to pack my work pants. so i had to turn back around and drive home, throw them on, and get stuck in traffic to be at work fifteen minutes late.

yeah, i'm still trying to work out what lessons and what, exactly, the universe felt i needed in that experience. i refuse to accept "don't visit *m* with only two days to spend" as the universal lesson. and i refuse to accept "you're too old to take road trips like that anymore" as the lesson either, especially since the only reason i bought that godsdamned car was to use it to visit both *m* and li'l *c*.

so yeah, still looking for the lesson.

on the other hand, i got a lot of thinking done. with nothing to look at but two lanes of highway in the middle of the night, and with music in the background that you're too tired and dazed to really be paying attention to, there's really not much to do except think.

mainly i thought about *m*, and about my bio-dad.

but all of it, even falling asleep at work today, was totally worth it.

maybe the lesson is a simple reality check. physically, emotionally, financially, and even mentally, it was a challenge. and yet it really doesn't feel like it. it's just something i felt, quite simply, needed to be done to make seeing a certain person that much easier. it was an indirect gift, and i was quite happy giving all of it. not once did i second-guess myself, or regret anything for a moment. reality check: it was a "just because i love you" gift that i suppose i hope is one day fully appreciated. i'm one of those people that really doesn't use that word a lot, except in spurts, but i'm the type of person where my actions are usually a nonstop recitation of one four-letter word.


PS: "what's that word again? oh yeah...PARK. park the damn car...quit running the roads...get back here!" *dying laughing* boho mom, you fucking rock.