daily deelite is back!! after a few emails with the lovelylicious and fabulously gorgeous jane at the painted house, i've come to realize that somewhere between then and now...i've undergone a transformation. like i told her, something's happened and i am changed down to my DNA. deeper. bigger.
not only are some things so clear to me now, so obvious, but i have to just smack myself upside the head and laugh. i never should have stopped my daily deelite.
1. always and ever, i'm thankful for my family. *cc*, *mj*, and i went out to my favorite place for dinner --mongolian gril, yay!-- and *cc* gave a toast. "here's to a new year, to being back with family where you belong, and fuck everybody else." she has such a way with words, it brings a tear to my eye. i love those words "with family," and "where you belong." which leads into my second deelite...
2. like the end of the Ugly Duckling story, i'm eternally happy and grateful to the universe for helping me find my swan family; people who recognize the kind of person i am, celebrate my unique Funkalicious streak, and encourage me to be even more dynamic, bombastic, and rockin' awesome.
3. i'm grateful for my kitty, the adorable and oh so cuddly rumbles. he's got so many nicknames here now, since he's so much bigger than any of the other kitties here. and we're not talking just a little bigger. no, he's got at least 3 pounds and is half again as wide as mookie, the formerly largest cat. he's so thick and burly, just a bruiser. but he's so gentle and is made up of nothing but soft fur and love. we call him Super Chunk, Schmoo, Schlubb, Tank, Thunk, and Little Pyro (he loveslovesloves candles, and the fireplace, lol). i love my kitty...
4. i'm thankful for getting as many chances as a woman needs to get it right. we're free to do it the way we want, and if things don't turn out exactly as we planned, we always have the greatest power available to us: the power to change our minds. we can turn around and retrace our steps back to the last time things made sense, or be free to choose an entirely new direction and blaze a new trail in total allegiance to our own truths. there are no rules to this, and every single tomorrow is what we believe and do today. we are amazing goddesses, and we are like aladdin with the magic lamp. in the original story, he was given as many wishes as he wanted...and so are we.
5. i'm thankful for Love. *sigh* i've been transformed. i remember Sonnet 148, my favorite of all time: "the sun itself sees not till heaven clears." heaven is clear, and the sun is shining! all this time loving and trusting my family has given me a strength i'd never have had if i only had myself to depend on as my bedrock. they are the cornerstone of my strength and my life. i would have stood on my own two feet and been just fine, with my family the strong foundation beneath my feet.
all this time, i thought it would weaken me to let someone else inside the walls of my secret garden. there are gentlemen out there, or men who fancy themselves as such. but they grew upset with me when they couldn't make me accept their help. but that vulnerability, that need for help sometimes, had to be freely given away. no one could take it. recently, i learned there is power in this, strong and magical and probably amongst the most ancient of magics: love, and trust, given freely. reaching out and taking someone by the hand, by my own choice, doesn't weaken me. it makes me stronger. it makes us stronger. and the trust that i will not fail this person, or that they will not fail me, is another form of faith. there's a saying that faith unlocks the door to heaven.
i remember this one time riding the Boomerang at Knott's Berry Farm. it's one of my favorite roller coasters of all time: in less than a minute, you hurl through six full revolutions, and then you do it backwards. there's one loop that's a double, and there's no acceleration through the second loop. you're going so slowly, it's pretty terrifying because it feels like the whole coaster's going to hit the apex and just drop. i used to hold onto the U-bar for dear life, trying to shove myself back in my seat. the U-bar rattled and shifted perilously, further feeding my fear. and then one day...i dunno. i was feeling wild and free. i was at the park with my friends, not my bio-parents, so something in me wasn't so rigidly locked down, and i just let go. i threw my arms into the air and howled on the ride, put all my weight against the U-bar and just trusted it would hold me.
...and it didn't rattle, or sway, or shift. with my full weight against it, with me trusting it to hold, it did. solidly. and the ride was no longer the terror-thrill it had always been. it was just...thrilling. i threw myself into it, full of faith unrestrained. nothing half-assed. and the fear just vanished. i realized that day that if you hold back and do things half-assed, just put your toe in and try things tepidly without really trying them, you'll never get anything out of life but shaky instability. and you'll always wonder why things keep giving out beneath you. only by going out full bore do you finally give the Universe the room it needs to shower you with all the blessings it truly wants to.
and this power...oh my Funky Wow. it's not just a feeling i have, but a damn certainty that i will receive everything i want and everything will happen exactly the way they need to, to give me the best possible happy beginning, middle, and end. it's hope, but unlike any hope i've ever felt before. i know that everything i could ever want is already mine, and it's as simple as that. i know it.
Faith, Hope, and Love. i finally get it. i've never been so strong, or so powerful, or so dang blessed! i'm in love. i'm living In Love.
May the Funk be with you.