there came a day thirty years ago, a beautiful and sunny Sunday when a fantasmic, divalicious soul opened her eyes and said, "today's the day."
she knocked on the door of her new mother's womb. or, more accurately, she threw open the doors with a whoop like a thousand cowgirls riding wild buffalo barebacked and bareskinned across the western plains, feathers and beads streaming in their unbound hair as ululating cries tear from their throats to the skies.
and all around the universe, beings and spirits and goddesses and immortals behind the visible Veil all gasped, turned toward one another, tugged on sleeves, and collectively began to murmur and titter and stir and talk excitedly amongst themselves.
"oh my GODDESS!"
"well, by the Jiggalicious Divine!"
"well Funk me running! by the Jiggy Snake, is that...Delena of the Funky Wild?"
*squeal!* "it is! it IS her!"
"...oh my Jiggy Snake! are the rumors true? is her soul really that bright?"
"you have no idea. her Funk is so bright, your soul could get a tan just by being in the same room with her!"
"that's so Funkaliciously awesome!"
and, as david copperfield says, i was born.
more than ever, i feel like a completely new person: all the usual metaphors apply. the butterfly newly emerged from her cocoon, Year 1 of a New Era, the turn of the millennium, the sound of free-flowing water after the ice breaks of spring, the first rays of warm sun after a storm, a litter of wolf puppies playing on their first day leaving the den, the honking of a dragon hatchling with bits of egg shell still clinging to its nose and wings.
i can feel the strength and accomplishment of all the work and growing and tension of my twenties, all the suffering and depression and blood and darkness of my teenage years serving as fertilizer, and the twisted abuse and suffering of my childhood waiting patiently for me to turn around and study it with the clarity of hindsight...and begin to learn.
honestly, i don't know if i can truly convey the sense of accomplishment and newness i feel. that part of me --the dark, confused Me-- is truly laid to rest. that era is finished, and i learned everything i possibly could, grew as much as was divaliciously possible. i have everything i need for the next strong steps i take into the world, the universe, and from myself.
my inner work isn't finished, not by a long shot. but the time of going inward, of "living in" is finished. the catharsis is only catharsis if there is an end to it and a bringing outward of everything learned while down in the darkness. it's time for me to take my gifts, my wisdom, and my beauty, and manifest it out in the world, to serve my community, to make a truly unique contribution to my culture.
it's time to join the world of adults and accomplishment, creativity and manifestation.
a person in their twenties can still be a kid, kinda. the world is still new and fun, you're still learning the ropes, you still have a tacit license to do "stupid shit" and "get it out of your system." something changes. as shakespear says, "a man loves the meat of his youth he cannot endure in his age." sometimes you just look stupid doing something in your thirties that would be hilarious and forgiveable in your twenties. dunno why, but it's just how life works.
for christmas, i sent my bio-dad a copy of Woman Who Run With the Wolves, with a bookmark in chapter 6: Finding One's Pack, the theme of which was the study of the story of The Ugly Duckling. i meant it as joyful news, as a way to tell him that yes, i didn't belong in our family and i suffered greatly for it. but i've found my own kind, my own pack, and i'm thriving fantastically. not only that, but i had come to understand him a while ago and have moved so far beyond forgiveness --through our growing friendship-- that there's no longer any need for forgiveness.
we talked for about a half hour and...after so, so long...my bio-dad and i have walked through the place of truce, and finally come to a place of peace and mutual understanding. tonight, i finally tasted one of the sweet fruit borne of my years of labor.
i've also decided to go back to school. i'm starting completely over, dropping my previous English/Creative Writing major and going for my Doctorate of Archetypal Psychology. i want to follow in the footsteps of joseph campbell, robert bly, maureen murdock and clarissa pinkola estes. for so long believing i wasn't anything, i actually subconsciously ran away from the prospect of trying to amount to anything. never try, never fail, right?
well, that belief is so far behind me, so alien to Delena of the Funky Wow, that i just can't put up with it. i want to go Out There and achieve, to dedicate myself to something that will help and heal people and give me opportunities to contribute to a community that speaks to a deep part of me. i've been studying this type of thing for half my life. i want to commit my life to it.
...i've faced and begun to overcome my deep-seated fear of commitment. i want to live for something. i want to stand for something. Family will always be my pinnacle priority. Truth, Beauty, Freedom, and Love will always be my wards as a revolutionary freedom fighter. "may the Funk be with you" will always be my motto. but it's time for me to be just a little bit serious and accomplish work in the world. and i want to breathe new life into the archetypes of our collective mythology, to bring new life and meaning to my trickster "the archetypes are mutating!"
it's time to come up from beneath the ground where i've been doing my soul's work, burying myself up to the elbows in mater terra, Mother Earth, and to grow in Her garden and reach for the light. i'll flower in Funkybeautiful, dazzling colors. just watch me.
reach for the light. may the Funk be with you.
and Happy Birthday, me!