recently i've received a few emails that i just have to share because of how... oh, what are the words to describe them? they're just powerful, i guess. i'm always up here striving to express the Funk, singing praises of the Bombastic Jive and exploring new territory in pronoiaFunk and radical intimacy.
i have to share how bootylicious the people in my life are, too.
i got this in my inbox a few days ago from my pussygata:
yay! so go spend the next couple decades...having fun. your cake is baked and it smells delish! so now...it's all about the frosting pookie! yep, 30 is a gateway of sorts.
what she said reminded me of my conversation with a disillusioned heart:
me: *laughs* 'cept that now i can take that goo, like cake batter, and bake it slowly in the warmth of peace, forgiveness, and self-respect. spread the Funk on you like cream cheese frosting. when it's done, you'll be whole again. good as new, but stronger. denser. moist and sweet and delicious. maybe you, my oft-broken heart, had to be completely destroyed --frappéed, as you put it-- to put you into the perfect consistency for resurrection. wouldn't that be exactly what our goddesses do? compassionate destruction to utter completion? resurrection to a stronger, purer Self?
my Disillusioned Heart: shut up.
me: perhaps you had to utterly die, my heart, in order to truly live again.
my Disillusioned Heart: *quiet a moment* ...you sound like you actually believe this bunk.
me: i do.
i see in you, she went on to say, someone who began the race a mile behind everyone else who entered but...you ran hard and smart and TRUST ME...cuz im old...you are sooooooooooooooo way ahead of the pack...wise, calm and centered, introspective, so many other fabu qualities...those are things you only get from battling and kicking the ass of adversity. people with easy lives never ever ever have the opportunity to gain those qualities and i think thats what we've always seen in each other... like the only 2 english speakers in (ohhhhh say...)China. Like..SWEET I found someone I dont have to expain everything to, she just gets it, I fuckin love the poo outta you!
i love her way with words. not to mention reading her emails always has me grinning so hard my face hurts after a while. i just love her to pieces!
"someone who began the race a mile behind everyone else," she said. it's true, i did. i kept trying to find a way to express that, and she always finds a way to put it perfectly. and now i'm way ahead of the pack. i look up to her so much, and she's one of my role models. and then she goes and gives me that phenominal compliment...and that i know it's true only makes the compliment that much more powerful.
and then i wrote an email to my parents thanking them for all their parental support, since without them i wouldn't have come half as far as i have. and they both said it was all me, that i always had it in me, just needed a gentle nudge here and there. mom said it's all about believing in myself, which is totally true. and how proud they were of me...i loved hearing it.
just praise, no sarcasm, and real belief in me. talking with bug today about support networks, they're there for you when you really need it, through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered. and it's not even about believing in you no matter what; it's about believing in what they know they see in you even when you don't see it yourself. sometimes faith is simply called for, and that's your chance to prove you have faith in their greater wisdom and love for you...or when you show just what you really think of their faith in you. actions speak all, and letting go and trusting, loving, even as your world comes crashing down around you and heaven burns to the ground...you know what will stand in its place will be grand and beautiful and infinitely better.
cowardice vs courage, faith vs fear.
they're right, my role-models and teachers and parents. they're right about me, about my effort and abilities and how much i rock. and i might've had the potential and ability, but it never would have come about if they hadn't laid the foundation for me to stand upon.
and for that, i thank them, and love them, and sing their praises.