6.20.2007

brezsny-on-the-blog

CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19): We're almost halfway through 2007. Let's take inventory of how well you're capitalizing on this year's unique opportunities. Are you exorcising the ghosts that have messed with you for so long? Have you been wrapping up all unfinished business and resolving every ambiguous pain-in-the-ass that has sapped your energy? I hope so. By your next birthday, I'm rooting for you to finally graduate from the lessons you've been studying for years. Then you'll be primed and receptive for the fresh teachings that will begin flowing your way in 2008.


bring it.

by the Orgasmic Yayness, bring it on. bring it all on, baby!

the ghosts are long gone, and the ambiguous pains in my ass are either resolved or well on their way to being resolved within the next seven days. the only thing i have left is to take care of a few loose ends, but i have one thing to say about that:

i'm on it! i've been thinking about it for a while and entertaining the idea of emailing a few people who were key characters last year in my Summer of Funky Kali Love, back when certain events colored my life an interesting shade of fuck. back when i was still riddled with guilt and a vastly unealthy amount of self-recrimination, i was debating writing a "letter of ownership" so to speak, taking the blame for everything and creating a literary version of a kiss on the boot.

once upon a time, delena was suuuuch a doormat. egads.

but lately i've been entertaining the idea of a funky love letter. sure, i'll apologize for those things that are my responsibility, but no more than that. i also have a healthy dose of understanding for the simple fact that when an abused dog bites its handler, it's the handler's fault, not the dog's. it's their fault they got bitten when trying to handle me, since they knew where i came from, and expected far too much without the equipment or education they realistically needed to have before trying to "heal" me. but i don't need to tell them that. i just need to personally remember it. if it's not mine, i'm not picking it up.

i'll love them more than i love them. i'll give and expect nothing in return. i'd be happy with them, but i'm just as happy without them. in fact, i shall always keep in mind the simple fact i've found ecstatic and funky happiness the likes of which i've never known...without them. i found my true path, solidified my true beliefs, and have been free to explore the universe as i see it without them telling me where to look, what to believe, how to behave. when we met each other, we were exactly what we needed exactly when we needed it. but now?

they thought they were punishing me when they ostracized me, but it was the greatest and most phantasmagoric blessing they ever could have given me. the lover of irony in me wonders if they would've been so eager to try and hurt me in that fashion if they'd only known the treasure they were leaving in my lap? there are on-ramps and exits everywhere on the great highway of the universe, and their exits were a few miles back, and that's okay. but i got a few loose ends to tie up, and the last words shall be mine.

"i apologize, and i love you more than i love you."

the Funk is mine, mr. brezsny. 2007 was my year. i'm finally graduating from the lessons that have been mine for years. funny as it may seem, only a few weeks before the Summer of Funky Kali Love, i said a prayer to the Funky Wowness (whom i called "goddess" back then) and declared myself ready for the next step. lo, my life falls apart right down to the quick. i was pruned to within a millimeter of my life --literally-- and look at the result. i'm bigger, shinier, funkier, and more beautiful than i've ever been and i know it.

the rest of this year will be used to finish up and close this particular chapter in my life. i'm ready for something funkywild and new. so i say again:

bring it!

2 comments:

Kota Bear said...

May I be shot for saying this, but, 'YOU GO GIRL!'. Okay.... shoot now....

I'm glad this year is shining on you! May the summer of Funky Kali Love never see fit to return. :)

Anonymous said...

oh, it's already been brrroughten! (heh heh - name the movie!)

you so fucking rock, sweetheart, that it's not even funny. not that it would be. but if it was, it wouldn't be.

um... yeah. i love you. 'you go girl' is right!

~your greggo