all i'll really say about this weekend is that it was phenominally, unbelievably wonderful. even sepuku sunday was a pleasure. it didn't even feel like work! and no, that's not because of the elation that kept making me smile for no apparent reason and kept my feet from touching the ground. it was just a good day.
but i'm sitting here basking in the pleasant afterglow of our time together, and i know something inside me is different.
i know the tenured readers here at iGoddess have heard me say "but this time is different!" before, but have you ever noticed i never got very specific? and i didn't say that it was different. i said that I was different. i won't gush. i refuse to. this isn't like big *c*, or *j*, and the last thing i want to be is stupid. by the Divine Funk, i will NOT be stupid! i've played the stupid female way too many times in my life, but not this time.
this isn't like all those other times, where i tried to fit life into the perameters of the Gospel According to the Vicious Propaganda Machine of a Phallocratic Nation. you know, the chapters on Romance, Love, and Happily Ever Afters. for one thing, not once have i been anything other than 100% home-grown, completely organic delena, neither pretentious nor arrogant like i was wont to do in order to test a man's mettle against the strength of my will and cynicism.
i've been completely honest, even risking the potential of a relationship (in my mind) because i want someone to love the genuine me. i mean, i'm pretty fantastic, yeah, but i wanted him to reach that conclusion on his own. i didn't doll up, didn't wear any more makeup than i usually do on regular days (a bit of eyeliner, some gloss when we went out to dinner), didn't put up my hair in anything special or out of the ordinary. 100% pure delena, not from concentrate, with no artificial colors or flavors.
and dinner with my parents was phenominal. it blew my mind how quickly daddy warmed up to the idaho boy. my parents loved him. at one point my dad got me in the kitchen and just nodded. "he'll do," he said.
and at the end, i asked the idaho boy what he thought of my life now that he'd seen pretty much everything. he said, "i think it's groovy." the perfect word. he does that all the time, y'know. says all the right things.
there were a lot of new experiences this weekend, things i never thought were possible, things i never thought could be so easy, and things i didn't think existed. i wasn't afraid to look stupid in front of him, i wasn't afraid to be wrong. i lost a wager (the stakes being a good foot rub) and admitted my loss gracefully. i was human and fallible, and that was totally okay. life didn't revolve around him (completely, anyway), but life is certainly exciting and more vibrant with him in it and i don't think i could very easily go back.
i let him in.
it was so easy.