this week's rainbow dreams is brought to you by the inner child tarot, potential, and the letter K.
have you ever slept so deeply you forgot you existed?
the worms in the earth had grown so accustomed to me they didn't gossip about me anymore. the creak and groan of the trees above me told of them growing their roots around my body. i was one with Earth, with the solid terra firma of the Holy Dirt Clod Floating in Space.
i was floating in silence, in peaceful and unremarkable stasis. there had been so much change in body and spirit and mind and blood i had actually approached the plateau of my Funky potential. and so i had Slept. i had departed body, departed pain and dirt and mud and blood and flown with the Vulture Destroyer. i'd played a game of poker with the Jiggy Snake, that Funkalicious mega-pyromaniac...
one moment i was so deeply asleep as to be beyond dead, and the next i was so fully in my body and mind that at first i couldn't remember who i was, or where i was. details suddenly flooded back to me. i was...
i was human. female. i had two eyes, a secret collection of romance novels, and an appetite for enchiladas. after what seemed eons of contemplating the universe and realizing so much talent for mental discipline, astral and ethereal travel, and discovering a certain knack for poker...suddenly nothing was as important as tasting enchiladas again. i was ravenous for burritos and sushi, laughter, the fecund smell of soggy wood and mud in a Portland autumn, and the futile attempt to scratch that spot on my back that i could never quite reach.
i could think of nothing so much as feeling the sensation of a headache, of my butt going numb after a hugely long road trip, of sex with *m* up against the door jamb, and of cold and frothy soymilk washing down my throat. i imagined the feel of wearing a white hanes undershirt and almost fainted from the ecstasy of it.
after an Age of nothingness, of "elevation" to a "higher plane of conciousness," all i could think of was the mundane and miraculous fiesta of all five senses going crazy with the bombarding goodness with which the world assaults a person with all the delirious frenzy a watermelon feels when it gets run over by a mack truck on the highway going eighty miles per hour.
i was starving for the commonly wonderous. for the numinous normal and miraculous mundane!
suddenly i was clawing my way out of my muddy womb. much as i loved it for sheltering and nourishing me for all this time, it was too confining now. it was stagnant and pressing and limiting! what good was magical and mental discipline, and calling the Jiggy Snake's really bad poker bluff, if i couldn't breathe deep and smell car fumes and roses, enjoy pudding and blood sausage, or wriggle my toes in a pair of dirty socks and laugh with a mug of warm, flat cider in my hand?
what good was enlightenment without first being wildly and ecstatically in love with the whole bloody, freakin' WORLD?!!?!
it was no good, is what it was. the highest and greatest power, the wisest secrets, the most focused disciplines, the Talents of priestess and counselor and mother and human were right Here.
here. in the moment. in life. in the now.
and i wanted it.
i was naked and filthy when i emerged from the ground. my fingernails were black and crusted, my hair muddy and hanging in ropes down my back. i tasted moist soil and smelled of loam. the autumn wind rustled through half-naked branches and raised violent goosflesh on my skin.
it was wonderful.
a doe stood a few paces away and regarded me with one soft, soulful eye. i understood what she said to me. the wind whispered to me, and i knew where its conversation had originated. i was taller, stood straighter, was leaner and stronger than i had been before. like odysseus' men after circe had lifted her spell and restored their humanity, i was more than i had been after my own departure from humanity.
i knew i could not return to the norm i had known, nor did i wish it. now was the time for new opportunities, for new chances and new adventures, new wisdom and new sensations.
i could be a better daughter now, a better dog groomer, a better sister and mother and lover. i could be a better magician and musician. i would be a better giver, a better listener, a better understander and sharer, communicator and supporter. and i would definitely be a better driver!
i would be all those things, and better, because i knew the secret: that there was no more sacred moment than Now, and whatever i am doing, nothing is more important.