brezsny-on-the-blog

CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19): I've got three messages for you. They may seem unrelated, but by this time next week you will see that they are intimately interconnected. 1. Unless you were raised in the woods by badgers, it's a perfect moment to slip into your second childhood. 2. Unless you really can't stand having your mind changed, it's an excellent time to launch a daring project that would have seemed impossible to the person you were a year ago. 3. People unsympathetic to your cause may think you're in the throes of delusions of grandeur, but those of us who have faith in your untapped powers say they're not delusions but viable fantasies.


last week after i smashed the glass and slammed my palm down on the Big Red Button, i took a step back and re-evaluated my life. there were a lot of things there that just didn't work anymore, no matter how perfect they were at the time of their inception. i decided to hold a sort of benevolent judgement day, tearing down everything that didn't work for me anymore and declaring a new aim.

and no, mr. brezsny, these three things make perfect sense to me right at this moment. i didn't know it was coming the way you don't know a glass door is coming. you only know it's there after you slam face first into it in front of all your friends.

but it's there. delena makeover and transmogrifaction (transmogrification?) seems to be the theme right now. and this applies also to Project: Bio-Mom.

i'm making myself over. i'm not only headed back to the gym today, but now that the produce section is getting a little more impressive, thoughts of a heavy-duty juicer have been dancing in my head again. there's a supply of ingredients for healthy smoothies in the fridge, and as soon as i feel up to it, i'm gonna wade through another detox. emotional, physical, spiritual.

to my sorrow but also to my relief, i'm saying "merry part" to my goddesses of war, retribution, and destruction whom i've served so faithfully. i've learned many lessons, and they've helped hone my core of strength to the keenest edge, but their demands also stand in the way of learning Love. i am unshakable. i can stand on my own. i can defend myself against those who would devour me for themselves. i am of Those Who Bleed But Do Not Die. death is my intimate ally and i know many of his secrets, but he can no longer be my bedfellow.

it's high time i not only realized my bombastic, soft divalicious center of Funky Love, but took hold of it and made it mine. i am She Who Takes No Shit (thank you, Lilith), but i am also Delena of the FunkyWild. i am a fantastic mother with hardcore values, and my hatchling is the luckiest kid in existence. the iGoddess-hatchling will be amazing. i am (almost) thirty, flirty, and fabulous. i've entered the prime of life, and i demand only the best. i will have love, and commitment, and intimacy, and really great sex...and all with one person for the rest of my life. i will meet him and he will be wonderful and everything i ever wanted. there will be more children. i will have beauty, truth, freedom, and love. i will become one with my Funk.

i couldn't do all that, have all that, say all that while faithfully serving the goddess i was called to serve. i am a servant of Goddess and take that very seriously, and when the goddesses of war, death, and destruction called (and everyone else stayed silent), i bowed my head and said, "i am yours." my apprenticeship was long and arduous. i lost much...but nothing i really needed. i only thought i did, and thanks to them i've learned to recognize the difference. and i've gained immeasurable skill and strength under their guidance. but too much pruning, too many spiritual apocalypses, was killing me inside. and it was defeating me.

it is now time to learn to be quiet, to perhaps be alone with The All for a time. i will worship, i will serve. and i will return to my people when i have received visions (as was done in the old world). but in the meantime i will let grow those things which have heretofore been held back. my Funk early last year was premature, but we all know the flower which has remained dormant all winter springs forth more beautiful than ever.

i will be a force to be reckoned with. we're making me over. so mote it be.