a while ago, *ks* and i were having a conversation with *sy* over clove cigarettes about just what it means to be a silverfox. that was difficult enough. trying to explain our particular quirks only added to the mess, i think.
then again, i think it takes a particularly special individual to comprehend all things silverfox. we're a fox of a different color.
explaining my family to outsiders is always a challenge. most opt to simply take my references at face value when i say "my sisters and i," or "one of my brothers..." all told, between my biological family and my adopted ones, i have five sisters and three brothers. my youngest sister (bio) has the same name as the manager lady who --for comedy's sake-- is no longer a manager nor works in the same store as i do. we both transferred out due to The Stupid Drama over at my original salon. two sisters and one brother are biological, two sisters are adopted via my adopted parents, and *ds* and *ks* are my other adopted family. the family from which i received my new last name. and yes, i was so serious about both my new families that i went to court and changed my name.
so i have three families. cool, ain't it? i think so.
one thing that i think bonded the foxes together was kuma, the pom-chi-shih-poo wunderhund. he was the best little dog, and he considered us his pack. he was a working dog, a psychiatric service dog who was attuned to not one, but three individual human beings with our own quirks, training cues, and warning signs. and he learned us all, and he loved us all unabashedly. in some ways he was the heart of our unconventional family.
it's no secret i have bipolar disorder. in fact, it's such old news. saying, "hey, did you know delena's bipolar?" is kinda like saying, "hey! did you hear the earth is round??!?!" fucking duh. but having kuma around made going out so much easier. i was never alone, and i had him to focus on and talk to. he kept my mind from doing some of the things it does when i'm alone. it even made picking up the phone and calling strangers so much easier. he gave me confidence and strength and comfort. he made me laugh. he loved me. i have trouble with social situations, and sometimes even walking out the front door is terribly difficult. with him, it was so different...
but the silverfox family doesn't have him anymore, and we are lesser for his absence. but as we were trying to explain that night on the porch, all three of us foxes have some sort of disorder which makes the public a burden and a strain on us mentally and emotionally. and considering we're living in an apartment, we can't exactly fit psych service dogs in with us. at least, not right now.
and yet we have discovered that we are our own version of psych assistance when we go out together. we keep each other balanced and focused, and together we keep our strength. we do so much together that, while it might be hard for all of us to face the outside world at any given time, the fact we do it together makes it not so bad. we feed each other, clothe each other, support each other, shelter each other. now, nothing will replace the need for a four-legged furry at our right-hand side (since we can't be together everywhere), but the fact that we're all there for each other is just one of those remarkable things that we realized recently.
now, in their right mind, who wouldn't want to belong to such a family???