CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In addition to analyzing the heavenly portents, I sometimes use divination to arrive at your horoscope, including Tarot cards, the I Ching, and walkomancy. In the latter method, I take a stroll and regard any interesting quirks that catch my eye as clues to your destiny. That's what I did this week. After spending an hour in my office meditating on your astrological omens, I headed out to a neighborhood where I'd never been. The first meaningful thing I saw was a sign hanging on a cactus. It read "Caution: Armadillo Crossing." Here's my interpretation of this clue: You should urge your "inner armadillo" to go out exploring, while at the same time making sure it's well protected and cared for. And what is your "inner armadillo"? Maybe it's the burrowing mammal with the heavy armor. What do you think?
armadillos rock. they're the roly-polies of the animal kingdom. i've always wanted an armadillo. sometimes i joke that the platypus is Nature's hot dog: She just took all the leftovers after creating the world, giggled, and threw them all together just for shits and giggles. and voila! the platypus: an animal guaranteed to fuck up evolutionists and creationists, scientists, and avid watchers of Animal Planet alike.
just WTF is a platypus anyway, except for Nature's hot dog?
and if the platypus is Nature's hot dog, the armadillo is Nature's armored ATV.
lately i've been saying that i've been keeping to myself, even to my own detriment, i realize. i just got a new job, after months of looking but at the same time hoping to the Divine Wow i find nothing. the thought of returning to the world terrified me. what if i couldn't handle it? what if i fell apart again? what if no one liked me where i worked and it became yet another dysfunctional, cripplingly unhealthy environment for me to be in and i fucked up again?
i'm also getting kind of lonely. a significant other might be nice to be with, just to sit on the futon and watch movies, or go driving through the gorge now that the weather's getting nicer, or to show me some new way to have fun and experience life that i haven't tried yet. but...i don't trust myself yet. my judgement of men hasn't exactly been healthy. what if i get all stupid and codependent again? i'm too tired for more drama, more crap. i'm afraid to come out of myself again because i'm afraid it'll go bad. i'm afraid i'll only realize i haven't changed a bit, no matter how much i've learned and thought i've grown.
and yet...it's time to go out exploring a bit. just...i need to always be mindful that i'm in recovery. coming out of all the myriad pitfalls and programming of codependence is a process. so i go out and get elbow-deep in the world again, shine and do my best at work, and not close myself to the possibility of friendship and affection. and, at the same time, put on my WWII figher pilot helmet of doom, strap on my six shooter and bandolier...and make sure i don't do something stupid.
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