brezsny-on-the-blog

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "Dear Rob: Has the Goddess placed a global embargo on new love? While it doesn't sound like something she'd normally do, I'm wondering if she cast a curse of which I'm unaware? I'm not a cynic; it's just that no one in my acquaintance has experienced new love in a long time. In other words, is Cupid on strike? Has romance boycotted our planet? -Out-in-the-Cold Capricorn." To the best of my knowledge, there are no embargos, strikes, or boycotts like the ones you propose. I've noticed, though, that some of my Capricorn cohorts have experienced dry spells recently. But according to my astrological reckoning, a deluge will soon change all that.

*dies laughing!*

i'd already noticed the deluge, mr. brezsny, many hours before your horoscope hit my emailbox. it's raining frogs out there.

how's this for funny? two weeks ago, only a day or two before my li'l sister *t* flew up for her visit, notdate guy emailed me out of the frickin' blue. now, first you have to understand: we went out that one time, just takeout and a few movies at home. no biggie. then he didn't call me for a week. he emailed me after two instead. then another week went by, and an email. then another week, and another email with a promise to call. two weeks, no phone call. i write him off. that very evening, there's an email. i figure it's just bad timing, and maybe work's as busy as he says. a week goes by, i write him off again after yet another promise to call me goes unfulfilled. another email that very night, i shit you not! fine. then nothing for a week and a half or so, then a "hi!" phone call out of the blue. then nothing until almost two weeks later, where i get an email and a promise of a phone call.

"yeah right," i say. sure as anything, guess who calls! notdate guy, saying we should totally get together, and he's just got bad time management, and work's been busy as hell, and his parents came from puerto rico to visit. yeah, a puerto rican visit i can understand, especially since i was preparing to enjoy my own southern californian visit.

but we go from his invitations and hopeful possibilities of a weekend evening out, to phone call promises that go unfulfilled, to nothing for two weeks (more than once). apparently, he just doesn't find me spectacular enough to make the friggin' time. then...oh then! i get demoted to weekday nights in his email!

oh hell no. weekends are prime equity stock in the dating world. if you want to take me out on a weekday, then you're only telling me you're saving your prime realty for someone better, and there is no one better! so i said, "yeah, sure. my weekdays are busy, but when you want to clear a weekend night and go somewhere, lemme know!" i haven't heard back from him.

good riddance. don't shine me on.

but then, the day i went to pick up *t* at the airport, some guy emailed me on myspace. he was very polite. he'd actually taken the time to look at my beautiful profile (i worked really hard on it, actually) and complimented me on it. he mentioned a few things we had in common. okay, so far so good. so i go to view his profile, but it's set to private. okay, fine. i accept his friend invite so i can view his page.

problemo city. his stats say "divorced" but his page is chock full of pictures and mentions of this beautiful wife of his. so i email back, "i'm more comfortable getting to know someone a bit more before having coffee with them. enlighten me. your prof says you're divorced, but you have all these pics of a beautiful wife. i'm confused."

the reply? they're separated. the divorce is in progress. oh, yeah, uh-huh. like i'm gonna be your rebound, mister "hey wanna be my rebound." i decline, politely, and he actually writes back to express how impressed he is with how respectful i am. well, someone in this email exchange has to be...

and then today...i get an email in myspace from a guy i dated before *j*. we actually really liked each other. he put forth effort to get to know me. i should have paid attention to that, instead of falling for the wimpy guy who "needed" me. *rolls eyes at self* so he emails me with a "hey, what's happening!" email. we pretty much played catch-up all day over email, but at one point he said he was "getting his shit together and playing in the process."

E-fucking-GADS!!! is everyone fucking playing around here?!!?! naturally, i had to email him back with the, "hey, you wanna hang as friends, that's cool. but i don't fucking play" email, and he was actually very cool with that. his reply sounded respectful of that. now, how he really feels and how he worded his email can be two entirely different things, but whatever. either it's shown him that i'm not a plaything and to look elsewhere for playmates, or it's shown him to give me a second look and decide if his shit is getting together, or already gotten.

either way, i'm not even really looking for anyone. i don't really even know that i want someone in my life in that capacity. it's like i told greggo, who's only my best friend and knows more about me than anyone on the planet: "...but then again, greggo honey, i don't know that i'll ever want that with anyone ever again. i know right now i don't, and i know i don't want it next year, or five years from now."

i severely respect codependence now. i respect it the way i'd respect a live culture of anthrax, y'know? it's not something to play around with. i look at relationships the way someone from AA would look at an innocuous glass of wine with someone saying, "after all this time, just one won't hurt." will it? will it really?

so while a romance deluge might be in my forecast, i think i'll stay inside and only go out with galoshes, a rain slicker, and a really huge umbrella.