this week's rainbow dreams is brought to you by the triple goddess tarot, wellsprings, and the number 13.
who knows how long i slept in my bed of earth, of Earth, somewhere beneath the vast grounds of the Menstrual Temple? the voice had not spoken to me in a great while, but there was no sense of time there. i was becoming, it had said.
i could hear the creeping things in the soil, their plodding and twisting, turning over the earth. i could feel the other subterran denizens of the Temple in their dens and holes, digging and crawling, feeding their young. the roots of the green and growing things creaked and plucked and sighed as the crawling things' constant toil fed them and they grew into grass, flowers, creepers, and the great trees of the Temple forest.
there was no sight in the damp darkness, no taste but that of earth, no breath. and yet i knew i still lived, nourished from head to toe by this most intimate connection with the sacred soil of the Temple grounds. the great thrumming, the slow and throbbing beat of the very heart of the world beat within me, my heart kept its time and thus I did not die. i was of Those Who Bleed But Do Not Die, the priestess had said.
however long i lay inside my resting place, there was the pain of my injuries. and the pain of healing. for an eternity it blocked out all sound, all sense of my neighbors deep in the earth, all awareness of that great Heartbeat keeping me in its rhythm. there was only pain.
but it lessened. thought returned slowly, and i became aware of other things. it was an irritating distraction, a burden which interfered with my rest. i hated it! i but wanted it gone, i wanted to sleep! i longed for an oblivion which would sweep away all thought of what had brought me there, the aches and anguish and frustrated desires that had seemed so overwhelming before the pomegranate priestess had rent my chest and gashed my heart open.
...perhaps she had only made manifest an injury already present. i could not think the sisterhood relished violence. and yet...they were the presence of the vulture goddess on earth, their voice the Voices of the destroyer and bandit queen. blood, thievery, and death were their trade if it furthered the cause. the Mother is as harsh and hurting as She is kind and nurturing.
i learned to grow tired of the pain's constant presence within me, and then annoyed, and finally resigned.
it was only after i had accepted its presence like an old friend did it begin to teach me things.
it was a great tool to focus the mind, and soon i had learned to reach beyond my immediate surroundings and could touch with my thoughts the borders of the vast grounds of the Temple. i learned the boundaries of my endurance, and how to stretch them. i learned to go within it, within the pain itself, until it did not exist. i learned to go without, so it did not exist.
i learned it was a choice when to feel it, if to feel it, and when to let it guide me. but never to let it rule me. i learned a love as for a great teacher, harsh and wise, and was grateful for its presence. it helped me keep my thoughts centered, no matter how far i traveled by my mind.
i suppose you think you are great and wise now, little dragon.
i had not heard the voice in eons, or what seemed eons. perhaps, i replied. i am greater and wiser than once i was.
foolish, perhaps, but not greater, it said in a bored voice. only a fool thinks the greatest teacher is pain. any tiresome bore, a media-brainwashed automoton can summon the insipid courage to peer into the abyss. but it takes a freaking genius with a fearless imagination to peer into the maw of happiness! do so!
there was the unmistakable sense of being smacked upside the head, however disembodied the voice and i were at the time. what? i--
come! say it. how do you satisfy happiness?
i had no answer.
how do you satisfy your sense of adventure?
it scoffed. how do you satisfy the sacred uproar? the very revolutionary freedom fight going on right now? the Divine Wow within your very breast?!
i could only stammer.
how do you satisfy the muse in your heart?
i was baffled.
when you can answer this, little dragon, then ask yourself if you feel wiser.