brezsny-on-the-blog

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Happy Valentine Daze, Capricorn. I dare you to say the following to a special someone with whom you want to be closer: "Your face is true and your hair is perfect and I love you. You make boats in my dreams and you speak without words and I love you. Your fears unnerve me and your questions amuse me and I love you. I love you not only for who you are, but for the interesting person I become when I'm with you. I say I love you and love you and love you until the words become the constant song of your voice in my head and the original ache of memory in my soul. I love you more than life and death, more than everything that's in between the light and the dark. Do you believe me? Try harder. Do you believe me now? I'm always with you, which is why I know you will never abandon yourself."

well...once again mr. brezsny challenges me to go beyond myself. i don't think i love anyone like this, let alone someone with whom i want to be closer. don't people feel this for people that they're already so close to that it's obvious they love them like that? i suppose that's the point, since one of the things that the Shamanic Initiatrix and Queen of the Great Fuckissimus Rapunzel Blavatsky says in the televisionary oracle is "i love you more than i love you." and she says this to complete strangers, giving the same enthusiasm to wife beaters and serial killers that she does to people who love her and agree with her.

she gives bodhisattva love and compassion and cruelty. she's awesome.

so my lesson, capricorn, is to learn to love someone like this. i've made it a lifelong practice to keep this kind of love from being a part of my life, because we've all seen what my everlasting love and devotion to the bio-dad got me. oh yay, a baseball bat across my eight-year-old calves and lifelong trauma that, twenty years later, i'm only now beginning to realize there's something there that needs healing.

thanks, mr. brezsny. i love you, too. i love you more than i love you.