conspiracy theories

you are being lied to.

you have been brainwashed!

you are so freaking deluded that it's not even funny.

no, actually it's quite hilarious. iGoddess is my quest, a goal i strive every day to achieve by dying a little each day. it is a place to exist within myself. it's a state of being. it's a blog and a concept and a very real Thing. homer had his Odyssey and huck finn had his Adventures. i have my iGoddess, as i find the Funk and get down with my pronoiac self.

i remember this project i had my senior year of high school. we were given one of shakespeare's sonnets and told to a.) memorize it, b.) decipher it, c.) recite it for the class, and then d.) write a short presentation on its meaning. mine was sonnet 148. "ah me! what eyes hath love put in my head/ which have no correspondence with true sight!" i instantly fell in love with it. it's not one of his better known sonnets, filled with sarcasm and irony as he mocks the negativity and "well-seeing" majority who love to find fault with everything.

i chose to go close to last in this little project. oh my Funky Ya-Ya, if shakespeare were alive today, i think he'd flip to realize just how depressed and cynical and down on love my class thought he was! the thing of it is...they'd been lied to. they'd been brainwashed! they were so freaking deluded it wasn't even funny!

they were taught love was supposed to be this grand, heart-wrenching thing in which pain and suffering heartache were the templates used to measure it! angst and night sweats and performance art drama were the stuff of great loves. bah! the bard had it right, and instead of interpreting according to the lasting beauty and truth handed down through the ages, they put on their drama-colored glasses and interpreted according to contemporary values.

the poor, poor fools. i love them more than i love them.

being i was already in my own tempestuous (in a good way) affair with the bard myownself, i had to do him complete justice. i approached my sonnet with the idea of Love firmly affixed in my brain. "love is patient, love is kind, and envies no one. love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude nor selfish nor quick to take offense..."

in the end, i recited my sonnet speaking from my own heart, as if i'd written it myself. my interpretation came from the definition of love, not twisting the definition of love to fit my teenage angst and what i thought the sonnet meant. the result being, the entire class held its collective breath as i recited and breathed a quiet, "Ohh..." as i finished. my teacher smiled and said he had found a new favorite in the sonnets. i smiled, bowed, and took my seat. the next girl after me was kind of embarrassed to follow after my performance, and i asked her about it later. she said it was because here i'd captured the essence of love (no, i merely summed up what shakespeare already captured), and there she was sounding bitter and cynical. she was too young to sound so bitter!

so, too, do i approach life every single day. the universe is secretly conspiring to shower me with blessings, and yet we've all been deluded into thinking that life is primarily an ordeal! shame on the entertainment criminals of the phallocracy for deluding us! shame on us for letting them! instead of vomiting it back up at them, or converting to metaphorical entertainment veganism, or eating it and breaking it down into its base elements to then use in constructive and creative expressions of ecstatic love and funky happiness, we just let it pass right through us. garbage in, and garbage out. garbage out to our children, our spouses, our co-workers, and our poor bodies that have to work that much harder as they're stuck in the muck and quagmire of our negative delusions!

love it more than you love it, beauty and truth fans of the world! take it and break it up, break it down, like a beautiful flower bed uses the death of other organic matter to nourish itself and thus create beautiful flowers with crystalline colors and gorgeously seductive fragrances and blissfully orgasmic nectars for insects to eat and grow, which feeds the birds and reptiles, which feeds larger animals and plants, which in their turn feed yet larger animals and plants, which feed us, who feed yet larger animals out there in the wild.

'cause let's face it, much as humanity's self-absorbed and ego-centric, we're not the top of the food chain. just ask sharks, lions and tigers and bears, oh my. we're pretty damn tasty.

the universe gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it. you are exactly where you need to be, even if it means being on the menu of some african lion's lunch. and hell, if you really believe it, turn around and say, "hello!" to the nice kitty. extend your hand in greeting. you may just discover he was only chasing you 'cause you were running.