rainbow dreams: the vision

over at sacred suzie's, she started this lovely monthly activity of creating dream boards. i've been wanting to do it, but when it comes down to it, i've just been letting a whole bunch of excuses get in my way. the reason? i was avoiding disappointment because once upon a time i didn't believe that my dreams were attainable or possible, or even that i really deserved them.

now i pat that delena on the head, give her a hug and a cookie, and send her on her way.

because they ARE attainable, they ARE possible, and I REALLY DO deserve them! and i'm gonna go get them and make them mine.

there are lots of pictures of pregnant women on this dream board. this was deliberate. they're all smiling, loving life, laughing, engaging in healthy habits, and pregnant at the same time. when i was pregnant with li'l *c*, i had hyperemesis gravidarum which is, in a word, miserable. i was teetering the edge of kidney failure due to dehydration, ulcers, and during the delivery itself, both li'l *c* and i almost went to the great gig in the sky. bad, bad experience. but i want more children, and so i have visions of healthy, happy pregnancies to replace traumatizing memories.

of course love and romance are there, too. happy couples smiling and affectionate through every stage of life. it's out there, waiting to blossom, and it will come.

as will the children. that pic of a mom with her two kids at the computer took me hours of searching before i tripped over it. i wanted a picture that portrayed a mom, with a small boy and girl, teaching them. i want a boy and a girl (for a total of 3 kids counting li'l *c*), and i want to be able to stay at home with them and school them myself.

the horses? yeah, i want horses, and i want a beach house. i want to gallop across the sand at sunset bareback and free. that pic in the corner of the beach house? yeah, i want that. maybe even a strip of private beach, with the freedom to ride like lady godiva.

the falling ben franklins should be obvious. money not for money's sake, but for the freedom it represents and the opportunities to help even more people with that money. because money falling from the sky isn't just money; it's financial wealth. i'm thinking BIG.

and that pic of the perfectly rendered 3-D spine? i'm sick of scoliosis and all the lovely symptoms it creates: everything from crippling sciatica to misplaced ribs to numbness (as in pseudo-paralysis) and spasms. i'm even convinced that a crooked spine is messing up my spinal cord, so all my other health "inconveniences" are manifesting symptoms of my body unable to really communicate with itself because my body's information superhighway has traffic jams. so i see greater health and a perfectly aligned spine. they say it's impossible for 100% spinal correction of the curvature. i say it's mine for the taking.

don't overlook the adorable little black-and-white pic of the little pug. i know it's not visible even in the larger pic, but i doctored the name tag so it reads "Pupcake." i want a male fawn-coated pug, and i wanna name him pupcake. if anyone remembers strawberry shortcake (the 80's version, not the bastardized parody of modern phallocratic franchize rape), huckleberry pie had a dog named pupcake. i thought this was adorable, and ever since i was around three years-old i've always wanted a pupcake. i was crazy for the strawberry shortcake and friends fad. still am.

and you can't forget the actual background itself. i'm headed for tropical paradise, baby, yeah!

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