7.15.2008

72 hrs in reflection

so the last few days have been a whirlwind. in one sense, i'm amazed that i survived this last week. but really, the last three days have been jam-packed full of fun and work and it's been very rewarding--

--yes, i said "work" and "rewarding" in the same sentence.

there's been a lot of information coming at me recently. in conversation and personal emails, i've been using words like "hyperdrive," and "jumped to a higher energy level," and even "overwhelming flood." just absolutely bombarded by info, only instead of being overwhelmed and stressed out, it's like something inside me just stretched open wide and i've been able to not only handle it all, but also able to process it as it's come at me. instead of being intimidated by it and trying to stem that flood, i've discovered a way to use the energy of that flood to power my own ability to keep up with it.

i don't know how to explain it, but the power of that flood is the power i'm using to handle the flood. does that make any sense? i suppose it would be like a dam using some of the energy of the flowing water to power the dam itself. it's an upward spiral, and it's been sending me into "the zone," so to speak.

the more i know i can handle --> the more confident i feel --> the better i do --> the more efficient i become --> the more i know i can handle.

it's friggin' amazing.

i started this massive project a month ago and it's propelled me into the stratosphere compared to where i used to be. but even as i've exploded into this higher energy level comparitively, i'm learning that it's merely the shallow end of an entirely new and higher caliber.

on one hand i don't want to use certain adjectives or verbs to describe how this feels because i don't want to sound conceited or narcissistic, but on the other hand i can see why those words exist and why they work so well to describe this feeling. my abilities are heads and shoulders above what they used to be, above my peer group, and i feel like i'm growing out of that level where we were all so happy together. i can't really relate to them anymore, and their world is no longer mine.

my caliber has changed drastically and a whole new world has opened up to me. unlike my previous impression, i'm not close to topping out. if anything, i just blew the top off my limitations and the sky's the limit! yeah, i know that phrase has been so overused it's cliche now, but it's only cliche if you're so desensitized by doubt and cynicism. for me, it's absolutely true. i can see so clearly how there are no limits to what i can do now.

the top just blew off my limits, and now instead of seeing that ceiling when i look up, i see the clear blue sky. the sky is my limit now. and when i reach the sky, i'm going to find there's no limit on that, either. i expect when i reach those heights, i'll find myself suiting up and taking my own personal rocket ship into the stars.

infinity is my limit! the great, wide universe of possibilities, and my true limit is only the boundaries of my imagination. and the higher i go, the more i can see. those new vistas fuel my imagination. again, the power of these possibilities is fueling my ability and imagination. and the more i can see in my mind's eye and my heart, the further i know i can go.

those limits were only limits because i believed they were limiting. and i'm not talking about consciously believing. i'm talking about that soul-deep, gut-deep belief that only speaks in the very back of my brain, that voice that whispers from the depths of my subconscious. you can say, "i want it, i know i want it, and i said i want it" until you're blue in the face. but if you are saying it with your voice but your soul is saying the exact opposite, which one do you think has the most emotion attached to it?

everyone knows you can parrot any bull you want to. what your gut says, however, is what the universe is going to listen to. what your subconscious believes is what the universe is going to work hand-in-hand to create your limitations. and it'll look entirely and convincingly like outside forces over which you have no control are conspiring to keep you down. but the power of the subconscious is magical. it's almost like a latent personality that emerges when you're not looking, and that other you is working to keep you limited because that's what you believe and focus on. subconsciously, of course.

but the subconscious is my closest friend and most trusted advisor. and when i said i came into alignment with myself, that's what i meant. i learned how to work with my subconscious, with my soul-beliefs so that we were all in agreement. i stopped getting in my own way. (and i took responsibility for having gotten in my own way and being the agent of my own destruction.)

and now the sky is my limit.


1 comment:

Bohemian Single Mom said...

This post blows my mind. I can feel your energy and I love it.
We need to talk!!